Chapter 29
Chapter Twenty-Nine
I have been heart sick ever since visiting Hannah’s studio on Wednesday afternoon.
Seeing her art has really fucked with my head.
I knew I hurt her, but to see her anguish on canvas guts me.
I wish I could turn back time and make better decisions.
I was naive and misguided, but I didn’t know what else to do and thought walking away was the only choice.
As I pick up blankets and pillows that have fallen to the floor and throw them back onto the couch, I hear a soft knock on the back door. Taking a deep breath, I exhale slowly before making my way over. I don’t know why I’m so nervous. She’s been here hundreds of times before.
I find her standing with her back to me looking out into the yard. Leaves on the trees are starting to change colour and there is a chill in the air. I have already hung up a bird feeder and there are chickadees flitting around the yard. Hannah spins around when she hears me.
“Hi. You still have the swing,” she says, grinning ear to ear.
I replaced the swing hanging from a large maple tree with her in mind. She used to love swinging there when we were kids, and the yard looked strange without it. I’m hoping one day she will enjoy it again. Adults can swing too, right?
Before I even have a chance to greet her properly, Morgan dashes past me out into the yard, grabs one of his many balls, and brings it to Hannah, dropping it gently into her hand.
“Is this for me?” she asks my dog as he wags his tail with excitement.
She throws the ball, and he races to retrieve it, bringing it back proudly.
“Just one more time, buddy. Hannah’s here to visit me, not you.”
“Don’t listen to him, Morgan. I want to see you too,” she coos.
If dogs could smirk, I just got one.
“Come in. You look beautiful.” Sliding my hand around her waist, I bend down and kiss her cheek.
She looks simultaneously adorable and completely edible wearing black leggings that hug her ass and a cream-coloured cable neck sweater that hangs slightly off her shoulder showing the hint of her lacy black bra.
Slouchy socks peek above her suede pull on mini boots.
I can’t help noticing the pink scrunchie secured around her wrist. I wonder how long it will take her to pull her loose curls up and away from her face.
“Thank you,” she says, tucking her hair behind her ear. She blushes, making her freckles pop.
“Whatcha got there?” Stepping away, I point to the gift bag in her hand.
“Oh, I got you a little something as a housewarming gift,” she says, pushing the bag into my hands.
“You didn’t have to do that.” I shouldn’t be surprised by the sweet gesture. Hannah has always been thoughtful.
Slipping off her boots, she drops her bag to the floor and follows me into the kitchen.
Leaning back on the counter, she smiles.
“I wanted to. Open it,” she encourages.
I place the gift on the island and remove the tissue and carefully pull out a – garden gnome.
“Are you fucking kidding me right now?” I playfully glare at her. “There are more garden gnomes in my yard than there are people living on this entire street.”
“Oh, come on, it’s tradition. Everyone needs one that reflects their personality.” She giggles. The sound is music to my ears.
“And this is how you see me?” I ask, looking down with amusement at the little gnome wearing a leather jacket, boots and giving the universal sign for rock on with his chubby little hands, and snort out a laugh. He is kinda cute.
“Sorry, I couldn’t find one with a tattoo gun. Ben helped me pick this guy out earlier today. He was really excited to choose a little man to come for a sleepover with all your other little friends,” she says seriously, trying to hold back a laugh. Clearly, I’m not in on the joke.
“Okay…” I draw out. “Should I ask?” I have no idea what that means, but if it makes her happy, it makes me happy.
“You will have to ask Ben when you meet him. Wow, it looks great in here,” she says as she looks around the kitchen.
Over the past week, I have updated appliances and fixtures. There are new pendant lights hanging above the island that really brighten the room and I’m thinking about having Riot help me install a tile backsplash. Once I did one home improvement then I immediately wanted to start another.
“Thank you. I’m enjoying fixing it up and making it mine. I’m trying to bring it out of the 90’s.”
“Your mom always kept it nice, but I can imagine it needed a refresh after having so many renters.” She walks around the room, admiring the personal touches I have added.
Pausing across the island from me, she says,“I have a confession.”
“Oh yeah?” I tilt my head and run a hand over the scruff on my jaw.
“Yeah. This is embarrassing, but when the house went up for sale, I did a virtual tour, more than once. It was like going back in time.”
“How come?” I ask curiously.
“How come I stalked your house? I don’t know, just curious, I guess. It’s been a long time, and I have good memories here.” She shrugs. “I never dreamed that you would be the one who bought it.”
“Surprise!” I wave my hands in the air and chuckle as she rolls her eyes. “Dinner is ready. I made chicken parm and a salad. I hope that’s okay.”
“It smells amazing. And you made it?” she asks.
“I wasn’t kidding, I’m no longer hopeless in the kitchen.” Taking the salad out of the fridge, I move it to the table. Without hesitation, Hannah starts to set the table like she had just been here yesterday instead over a decade ago. We have missed so much time together.
“Come and sit down.”
Hannah joins me at the table, and I pull out a chair for her. “Can I get you a drink? I have wine.”
“I could definitely go for some wine.” She smiles and my heart squeezes. I love how she looks sitting at my kitchen table like she belongs here.
“How was your day?” she asks, accepting the glass and takes an appreciative sip.
“I only had one appointment this morning, that only took a couple of hours. I didn’t schedule anything this afternoon so I would have time to go to the grocery store and prep for dinner.
I wanted to have everything ready so we can just enjoy our time together without me standing at the stove,” I answer, carrying the hot serving dish to the table.
We sit in companionable silence as we fill our plates and begin to eat. The recipe is simple but flavourful – I hope she likes it.
“Oh my god, this is delicious. How did you learn to cook?” She hums as she takes another bite.
Sitting back, I wipe my mouth. “After quitting school, I was completely directionless. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. My path had been completely laid out for me, and then, over the course of a few days, I literally blew it up. Between the education fund my parents had set up for me and scholarships, I didn’t really worry about money.
Then suddenly, that financial security was gone, and I had to figure out what I was going to do to support myself.
I found a job working in the kitchen at a steakhouse.
The only restaurant experience I had was washing dishes and sweeping the floor at Maggie’s, but it was enough to get my foot in the door.
I worked there as a prep and station chef and learned the basics.
What I didn’t learn on the job, I taught myself. YouTube helped.”
“Well, good job, this is seriously amazing.”
“Thank you, I’m glad you like it.” Smiling at her praise, I ask, “How was art class the other night? Were any new masterpieces created?”
“You know it. Those kids are amazing.” I listen as she shares about each child and what their strengths are. I love the way her face lights up when she talks about them. She is so passionate about art and the gallery. I hope they know how fortunate they are to have her in their lives.
When we are finished eating, I stand, grabbing our plates and take them to the dishwasher.
“I can help.” She starts to get up to clear the table.
“No, you sit and enjoy your wine, this will only take me a few minutes,” I say over my shoulder.
“Can I ask you a question?” she asks quietly.
“Absolutely.” Closing the dishwasher door, I turn towards her.
“Have you been back to Emerley since you left?” she asks, swirling the wine in her glass.
Fuck, I should have told her before she had to ask.
Rubbing the back of my neck, I confess, “A couple of times. I came back once when my mom moved away to grab the rest of my stuff. Then again, a few years later for Riot. He was spiraling about Claire moving home with a baby on board, so I made a quick trip home to see him.”
“Oh. Yeah, I remember he took it hard. He didn’t tell me you were here, though.”
“I’m sorry. I should have reached out. I saw you walking with Meg downtown. I wanted to talk to you so badly, but I didn’t know what to say. I thought it was better to just keep my distance.”
“I know, it’s just hard to hear.” I watch her bite her bottom lip and slightly nod.
“You don’t owe me an explanation, it was a long time ago, and we weren’t together anymore,” she says, shutting down any further discussion.
It’s moments like this that I want to ignore her boundaries and tell her everything.
Make her listen and risk it all blowing up in my face.
“Do you want to go into the living room? We can eat our dessert in there and talk. I picked up butter tarts from Maggie’s.”
“Sure, that sounds great.” She rises from her chair and picks up her glass. Walking ahead of me, she suddenly stops short. “Well, this is presumptuous of you.”