Chapter 32
Chapter Thirty-Two
Hi.
I’ve been thinking about you all day.
I know it's getting late, but can you come over?
Logan
Is this the part where I try to play it cool and say I’m busy?
Because let's be honest, I'm not that cool.
I can be there in 15 minutes <3
Okay.
Drive safe.
Tossing my phone on the couch cushion beside me, I bury my face in my hands.
What am I doing? Ever since I got home from Mom’s house, I have been debating if I should ask Logan to come over.
I tried distracting myself with chores, sketching and reading, but he is always on my mind.
Even Penelope can’t distract me from me, and she’s great.
I know that if I put off talking to him, I’ll just stew about our kiss for the rest of the night.
Inviting him over seemed like a good idea, but now I’m beginning to panic as I second guess myself.
After slipping on an oversized fleece hoodie, I wander down to the beach and start a bonfire. It’s getting dark earlier, and the sun is already beginning to set in a kaleidoscope of colour across the water.
Over the sound of waves lapping on the shore I hear the rumble of Logan’s truck pull up the driveway and the door open and shut.
I mentally give myself a pep talk. It’s fine, everything is fine.
Just be chill, it was just one silly little kiss.
I’m not sure when I started regularly lying to myself but it’s becoming problematic.
Moments later, Logan walks around the cabin with Morgan by his side.
He’s also dressed for warmth and comfort in a hoodie and grey sweats, and a ball cap on backwards.
While I’m sure I must look like a frumpy mess in my comfy clothes, he looks like he’s modeling his outfit for an upcoming photoshoot. I’m not mad about it, he looks hot.
“Hey. I hope it’s okay that I brought Morgan. I don’t like leaving him at home alone if I don’t have to. He has a little bit of separation anxiety.” He grins at me while reaching down and petting Morgan’s shiny coat.
“Of course, he’s always welcome, you don’t even have to ask.” I’ve always been a cat person, but this dog may sway me a little. Standing side by side, we watch Morgan wander around the shore, up onto the deck and right through the open back door.
“Make yourself at home, Morgan,” he calls as he shakes his head. “Sorry about that, he has no manners. Hi.” He smiles, bending down and greets me with a kiss on my cheek and briefly holds and squeezes my hand before stepping away giving me some space.
“Hi,” I say breathlessly.
“I’m glad you messaged me.”
“Me too.”
He follows me to the fire, and we sit beside each other on a bench.
Pulling a basket of supplies towards me, I start handing him everything we will need to make s’mores.
We can’t have a bonfire and not include them – that’s sacrilege.
Plus, I really need something to do with my hands.
Our brief physical contact has awakened something inside me, and I am at great risk of climbing him like a tree.
“I heard that the girls were here for book club yesterday. What are you reading?” he asks as he quickly assembles his own s’more and shoves the entire thing in his mouth. That shouldn’t be sexy. What is wrong with me?
Shaking my head, to clear the image of him licking his lips, I think quick. “Umm book club, I don’t think you would know it. It’s a new release...a second chance romance.”
“Oh, okay. You will have to let me know if it’s any good.”
“You will be the first person I tell.” I make a mental note to ask Meg about what is popular just in case there are any follow up questions about this nonexistent book that I am reading when in fact I am drafting the story of us.
“What did you do this weekend?” I ask as I put a marshmallow on a stick and hold it over the fire for toasting.
“I just chilled at home with Morgan yesterday. This morning, I went over to Carson’s. He has a little goat that keeps escaping and he needed help fixing a fence.”
“I know all about the little goat with a big personality. She runs that farm.” Carson inherited his small farm from his grandma Cathy a year ago and with it also came a motley crew of animals including a very naughty goat.
Sitting close together on the bench, we silently watch a pair of loons in the distance float across the water.
“So why didn’t you tell me that you are auditioning for Dancing with the Stars next season?” I enquire with as good of a straight face as I can manage,
“What are you talking about?” He angles his body towards me and squints his eyes.
I snicker at the confusion written all over his handsome face.
“That’s what I heard when I was in line at the grocery store this afternoon to buy all this stuff.
I couldn’t confirm or deny it because you hadn’t mentioned it to me yet.
Apparently, your line dancing abilities is getting national attention. ”
“You have got to be kidding me.” Paling, he puts down his stick.
“I am, but the look on your face is priceless.” Setting down my own stick, I burst out laughing at the panic written all over his face.
Scooping me up onto his lap, he tickles me until I’m breathless. “You are such a brat. That right there is how rumors start in this town.”
“Stop!, stop tickling me,” I gasp, pushing him away.
“I’m sorry I teased you, it’s just funny that people are still talking about it.
You’ve become a dancing legend at Bob’s.
Maybe they will want you to teach a class.
” Huffing, he resumes tickling. “Okay!, okay I’m done,” I laugh. “I won’t mention it again.”
“I don’t think I’ll ever live this down,” he chuckles, shaking his head. The tickling stops, but his strong hands still hold me in place.
When the wind picks up off the lake I shiver, and Logan grabs a blanket off a chair close by and wraps it around us. Leaning my back against his chest, I feel content. I missed this the most when I lost Logan. We always had an easy, playful relationship. We were the best when we were together.
“I’m scared,” I confess as I stare into the dancing orange flames.
“What are you scared of, baby?” He pulls me tighter and rests his chin on my shoulder.
Exhaling a long breath, I whisper, “Trying again.”
“Do you want to try?” he asks with hope in his voice.
“Yes, but before we go any further there are a few things I need to know and a few things I want to explain.”
“I’ll tell you anything you want to know,” he says.
“I know you will, I believe you. I just don’t think I’m ready to get into the details. Is that okay?”
“Whatever you need. I’ll meet you where you are at.”
He waits patiently as I get the courage to ask the questions that plague my thoughts.
“Did I do something? Did you just stop loving me?”
“No, baby, it wasn’t you.” He pulls me closer and kisses my hair. “I loved you so much. It was all me. I got caught up in my own head and made a huge mistake. One I will always regret.”
“Did you meet someone else when you got back to school?” I ask quietly, picking a loose thread on the blanket.
“Fuck no, Hannah. I promise I was always faithful to you,” he says with conviction.
“Okay.” I believe him, he has no need to lie to me after all this time. Just because my dad was unfaithful, doesn’t mean Logan was too.
“I told myself that you left because my life wasn’t what you signed up for,” I whisper, nibbling my lower lip.
“What do you mean?” He twists me around on his lap so I’m facing him. “Talk to me.”
“We made plans. Plans that didn’t include my dad dying and me being forced to quit school and move back to Emerley so I could take care of my mom. I know you didn’t sign up for that – fuck, I didn’t either – so I can almost understand if that was the reason. My life suddenly got really messy.”
“Oh, baby, no.” He shakes his head as his chocolate brown eyes search mine.
“Well, that’s the story I told myself. Even if it was a lie, it’s what I needed to believe so I could move on.”
“I’m so sorry, Hannah,” he whispers. “I would do anything to go back in time and do everything differently. I hurt you. I left when you needed me. And I have regretted it every single day since.”
“I know. You need to know that things got a lot worse before they got better. I’m not telling you that to make you feel guilty, it’s just something you should know.
I still hold on to a lot of trauma from that time of my life.
If you don’t think that is something you are ready for, I’ll understand.
We can stick to being just friends and pretend I didn’t kiss you the other night. ”
“I promise I’m not going anywhere. And I haven’t stopped thinking about that kiss. It’s been playing on loop for the past two days.”
I smile softly. “Me too.” Maybe I’m being reckless not asking more questions, but I am so tired of the past controlling my future. I just need a fresh start, a chance to try again.
“We can take it slow if you want. We’ve got nothing but time.”
“I’m done with slow. I’ve missed you so much, Logan. I didn’t realize how much until you came home.”
Gathering my hair, he pushes it to the side and nuzzles into my neck.
My entire body shivers with need as he bands his arm around my waist and pulls me further into his chest. I tilt my head to meet his eyes and hold his stare.
He watches me for a beat as if to give me a chance to change my mind.
Brushing his fingers along my jaw, he tilts my face up to his.
This moment feels fragile and for a second neither of us moves.
Tentatively, his soft lips touch mine and the world around us blurs as our breaths mingle.
I can feel his hesitation, as if he’s waiting for a sign to go on.
My heart begins to race as I lean in and deepen our kiss. It is unhurried with a silent promise. As his hands roam up and down my back, I can feel his impressive erection grow through his pants. My fingers slip through his hair, and he groans into my mouth.