Chapter 21
TWENTY-ONE
TESSA
How was it possible to be so sure of something and feel such doubt at the same time?
For days now, I’d been asking myself that question over and over. And with each instance that led me to feel more doubt, I grew less and less confident about the state of things.
Feeling so unsure, I had no choice but to enlist the help of my sister. I would’ve talked to Lark, but I didn’t think I could share all that I needed to share with Ace’s sister, best friend or no.
So, I called Harper, told her I needed some advice, and begged her to meet me for lunch. Sensing my dismay—either through my pleading texts or endless voicemails—my sister picked me up just over ten minutes ago, and we’d since arrived at the deli.
When we walked inside, I immediately spotted Savanna. She waved at us as Harper said, “You sounded desperate, so I called reinforcements.”
I didn’t mind. It was probably better to have multiple opinions. And I trusted Savanna with everything. She and my sister had the same close relationship that I had with Lark.
“Hey, Savanna,” I greeted her with a hug. “Did you order anything?”
She gave me a squeeze in return. “No. I figured I’d wait until you two arrived.”
“Alright. Let’s order, because I’ve got a lot to say before I need to get back to work, and I’m desperate for some advice.”
Concern leaked onto the faces of both women, but they heeded my warning. Only after we’d gotten our sandwiches and were seated at the table Savanna had selected did anyone speak.
“Okay, Tessa, I can’t take it anymore,” Harper declared. “Please tell us what’s going on. What’s got you all worked up?”
I inhaled deeply, took in their expressions, and decided to just put it out there. “Nearly one week ago, Ace and I decided to stop pretending we’re only friends.”
Harper appeared absolutely delighted by the news; Savanna was surprised.
“I never knew you two were pretending,” Savanna said, her eyes darting between Harper and me. When her gaze settled on my sister, she asked, “Why don’t you seem surprised by this?”
Harper grinned. “I had a feeling this was on the horizon ever since the night Tessa shared the news about Ryan’s infidelity with our mom and me.” As she lifted her sandwich to her mouth to take a bite, she asked, “What’s the crisis?”
I licked my lips and blurted, “I moved in with him on Sunday night.”
Savanna choked, and Harper gasped. “What?!”
There was so much to say, and I didn’t know where to start. So, I began shoveling the food into my mouth. I’d taken no less than five or six bites of my sandwich while my sister and Savanna looked on expectantly. Maybe I needed to start at the beginning.
“I guess I should tell you why I needed a ride here today,” I said.
Then I went on to tell them about the road rage incident I’d been involved in on Friday after work, how I’d called Ace after it happened, and how that was the night we’d decided to take things to the next level between us.
How Ace and I spent the entire next day together, enjoying being in a new place in our relationship.
That Lark and I had gone shopping the next day, only for me to come home to find my place smelling like sulfur.
And finally, I revealed that Ace demanded I move in with him temporarily until he could be certain that my life wasn’t in danger because he suspected Ryan was behind all that was happening to me.
“Are you joking?” Savanna asked.
I shook my head. “No.”
Looking utterly horrified, Harper pressed, “Are the police going to do anything?”
“Ace contacted Cunningham Security on Monday afternoon. He didn’t share the details with me, only letting me know that he’d taken care of it.” I shifted my focus to Savanna. “I don’t even know if he talked to one of your uncles or your cousins. Only that it was being handled.”
“Okay. Okay. So, this is terrifying news. I can’t even believe any of this has happened. But something tells me that none of it is the reason you called me.”
“It’s not,” I confirmed.
“Tell us what’s wrong,” Harper said softly.
I nibbled on my lip, embarrassed to admit the truth. But I needed help. Advice. Anything to help me work through this, because I was convinced that I was losing my mind.
Time to rip off the bandage. Letting out a sigh of frustration, I shared, “I think Ace is turned off by my lack of experience.”
Both women blinked in surprise, but it was Savanna who asked, “What makes you say that?”
“It’s Thursday.”
“What does that have to do with anything?”
Sighing again, I said, “Maybe I should clarify that we’ve been sleeping in the same bed since Sunday evening.”
With caution marring her features, Harper said, “And?”
“And he hasn’t tried to make a single move on me,” I declared. “I mean, he kisses me. God, does he know how to kiss. It’s unbelievable how good he is at it. And he’ll kiss me for very long stretches of time. But that’s it.”
“That’s… it?”
I nodded.
Harper squinted at me while Savanna said, “So, he kisses you a lot and has you sleeping in his bed, but you think he’s not interested in you?”
“Well… Yeah.”
“I don’t think that’s true.”
Shaking my head slowly, I replied, “No? Then why doesn’t he want more? Maybe I’m a bad kisser.”
“That’s definitely not true.”
“What else could it be?” I countered. “He kisses me breathless. And he gets excited. I can feel his excitement if you catch my drift. So, I’ll think it’s going to happen, and then he just stops and cuddles with me. Don’t guys want sex? Shouldn’t he be trying to at least cop a feel?”
Harper’s brows shot up, and Savanna sent me a look that indicated she understood why I was struggling not to fear the worst.
When neither of them said anything, I continued.
“I don’t want to compare Ace to anyone else, especially not Ryan, but Ryan was the only serious boyfriend I had.
And from our very first kiss, Ryan always tried to push for more.
Ace hasn’t done that, and I can’t help feeling like perhaps it’s my lack of experience that’s shining through every time he touches his lips to mine. ”
Harper reached out and covered my hand with hers. “There’s nothing wrong with you or the way you kiss, Tessa. I’m sure Ace loves every minute of it, or he wouldn’t continue to do it.”
“So, what is it that’s holding him back?”
“Well, have you talked to him about it?” she countered.
My eyes nearly fell out of my head. “No way. I couldn’t possibly say anything to him. I’d be absolutely mortified.”
“Mortified only if he said that what you were thinking was the truth,” Savanna reasoned.
“What else could it be?”
She smiled. “I think it’s possible he believes you’re not ready.”
I jerked back, and my body went stiff. “What?”
“Savanna’s right,” Harper said, giving my hand a squeeze.
“If Ace knows that your first and only time was one week before you learned that Ryan was cheating on you, that’s probably what’s holding him back.
He’s not an idiot. It was eight months before you felt ready to take that step.
Ace just doesn’t want to pressure you into something one week after you both decided that you wanted to give a romantic relationship a try. ”
The thought had never crossed my mind. I’d spent night after night endlessly kissing Ace.
And I kept waiting. Waiting for that hand to creep higher and cover my breasts.
Waiting for his fingertips to journey beneath the hem of my nightie.
Waiting for him to take off his shirt and allow me to feel and kiss the skin on his chest.
“It’s possible…”
“It’s the only explanation, Tessa,” Savanna said.
Harper added, “He’d never string you along like this if he wasn’t serious. That’s just not who Ace is. He’s best friends with Phoenix, too. We’ve known him our entire lives. He wouldn’t do anything to hurt you, Tessa.”
They were right.
How could I have assumed the worst about Ace? Sure, it was more my lack of experience I’d been assuming was the problem, but by believing that was it, I assumed Ace would’ve continued to make me think he liked me when he didn’t.
But that wasn’t who Ace was. No, he was a man who listened and cared. He was compassionate and protective. And he made every attempt to prove how much he adored me, doing it all while never making me feel like he only wanted one thing.
“I’m such an idiot,” I murmured.
The girls smiled at me before Savanna insisted, “You’re not an idiot.”
“Nope. You’re just a girl who wants her guy to show her how much he likes her,” Harper added.
Shaking my head, feeling so foolish, I asked, “What do I do now?”
“You could talk to him about it,” Harper suggested.
“I can’t. I don’t think I could say any of this to him.”
“Well, I think you could,” Savanna chimed in. “Let’s face it. You wouldn’t even be interested in taking this step with a man who’d ever make you feel bad for saying how you feel. But if you really feel uncomfortable about saying something, you could just put yourself out there.”
Tipping my chin up and out to the side, I asked, “What do you mean?”
She still hadn’t wiped the smile off her face, and as she paused for a moment to give me time to brace myself, I was certain her grin had grown. “His birthday is on Saturday. Why don’t you give him a present?”
“That’s such a good idea, Savanna,” Harper bubbled. “Yes, Tessa. Give him a gift he’ll never forget.”
I considered that option. “Okay. Yeah, I think I could do that. It would be easier than just talking about it, right? I mean, what are the chances he’ll turn me down if I’m nearly naked in front of him?”
Grinning, they unanimously declared, “Zero!”
Relief swept in, my shoulders dropped, and I found the desire to finish my food. “Thanks for doing this for me today. I really needed this.”
“I’m surprised you didn’t talk to Lark.”
I scrunched my nose. “I didn’t want to put her through listening to me talk about her brother’s arousal. She can handle a lot, but I think that might’ve been too much. I’d probably vomit if someone started talking to me about Archer or Phoenix like that.”
“Ew, gross,” Harper said.