Chapter 14
FOURTEEN
CHLOE
“I’m surprised.”
The afternoon hadn’t been a waste at all. When I opened the front door to Hawk earlier, I expected another encounter that would’ve left me feeling miserable about the state of things between us.
I’d been wrong.
There was nothing I would’ve done to change how my afternoon had played out. Things had gone much better than I’d anticipated they would.
My proof of that was sitting at the head of my dining table, having dinner with me. It felt a little bit like a dream come true.
“Surprised about what?” I asked.
With his fork in his hand, Hawk smiled. “I wasn’t sure what you planned to make for dinner, and I’m in no way complaining because I’m just happy to be here with you having anything you make. But I will admit, I expected there’d be potatoes of some sort with dinner tonight.”
My heart skipped a beat. I loved knowing he remembered that fun fact about me. “I was tempted to make some, but I was worried you’d think I had a serious problem. I hope you’re not disappointed with what I did make.”
He shook his head. “I love it. It’s incredible.”
I beamed at him. Maybe it was the baker in me that was constantly experimenting, but I’d decided to put a twist on a favorite and made us smothered BLT chicken, which consisted of pan-seared chicken breasts covered in a rich, creamy sauce that had tomatoes, bacon, spinach, and parmesan.
I paired the chicken with some lemon orzo pasta and asparagus.
I didn’t know for sure if Hawk would like it, but he had told me he’d eat anything. And if nothing else, I knew I wouldn’t go wrong with dessert tonight.
“I’m glad you’re enjoying it. But even if you hadn’t really liked it, I made sure to have a superb dessert on hand.”
His lips twitched. “What kind of cake are we having?”
“No cake,” I said, shaking my head. “We’re having your favorite.”
Confusion washed over him. “My favorite?”
“Ice cream. After you left to take the delivery truck back, I ran out and grabbed some.”
Hawk’s face blanched. His hand reached in my direction, as though he was going to touch my arm, but he stopped himself and pulled back. “Chloe, I’m… This isn’t the way to start something like this between us, but I think I should be honest with you.”
I shifted uncomfortably in my chair. We weren’t even a full day into this, and between the look on his face and the tone of his voice, I was uneasy about where this conversation was heading. “You lied to me about something?”
“The day I told you I preferred ice cream,” he said with a nod. “I only said that because I thought it’d be the way to let you down easier. I didn’t want to be a total dick to you, and I thought if I said that I liked something else, you wouldn’t take it to heart.”
“But just a few hours ago, you admitted you liked my cupcakes,” I reminded him.
Nodding, he insisted, “I do. Your cakes are amazing. The best I’ve ever tasted.”
Even though hearing that sent a wave of warmth washing over me, I was still confused. “If you liked them and ice cream isn’t your favorite, why wouldn’t you have just been honest from the start? What would telling me the truth have done?”
Hawk shrank back, diverting his eyes to his plate momentarily. “I don’t have a good reason. I did it because I wanted to push you away. If I didn’t have anything nice to say to you, I wouldn’t have to worry about you approaching me again. It would just make things easier. I’m not proud of myself.”
It seemed Hawk was beating himself up enough as it was. I didn’t need to add to it. So, I reached over and curled my fingers around his forearm. “It’s okay. If we’re both clearing the air here, I guess I should come clean, too.”
He seemed surprised that I had anything I’d been hiding, judging by the way his body seemed to go solid.
“You lied about something?” he asked.
I shook my head. “No. But I did have some encouragement from Joyce to put in some effort with you.”
His brows shot up. “So, you’re doing all this as a favor to her?”
“No. Are you crazy?” I let out a laugh. “Joyce noticed my attraction to you, so when she came in to order Gus’s cake from me, we had a little chat. That woman really cares for you.”
Hawk dropped his gaze again. This time, I noticed a pink tinge to his cheeks as he fought against the urge to smile.
Not wanting him to feel like he had to say anything in response, I said, “Anyway, I just thought you should know, since we’re starting fresh.”
“I don’t know that it’s nearly as much of a grievance as me coming right out and lying to your face, but I appreciate you sharing that with me.
For what it’s worth, when I told you I wasn’t a picky eater, I was being honest. And I do enjoy ice cream, so I’ll be more than happy to have some with you tonight. ”
Seeing Hawk more relaxed, I perked up. “I’m glad. While we’re on the subject of food, and since we are trying to learn about each other, do you have a favorite food?”
For a moment, his expression turned bleak.
But it quickly shifted to something else as he sat back.
It wasn’t until he responded that I recognized that something else as indifference.
“I don’t have a favorite. After spending ten years having no say in what I ate, the reality is that just about everything I choose to eat is better. ”
My stomach sank, my palm landing on my chest. I never looked at Hawk and saw some criminal, and perhaps that was why I spoke to him the way I did.
Like he was just the handsome guy who caught my eye more than a month ago and not the man who admitted just five days ago that he’d gone to prison for doing something awful to defend his baby sister he raised. “I’m so sorry, Hawk. I didn’t think.”
“There’s nothing for you to be sorry for,” he insisted. “And now that I’m thinking about it, maybe this meal could be my favorite. It’s the first home-cooked one made for me by a beautiful woman who I’m completely fascinated by.”
“That’s sweet of you to say.” I smiled, tucking my chin toward my chest as he popped a bite of his chicken into his mouth. “So, at the very least, you prefer home-cooked meals over going out?”
Hawk answered, “I think home-cooked is generally better, but that would certainly be the case for me mostly out of necessity.”
“I don’t understand what that means.”
He let out a frustrated sigh. “I should probably tell you this now, especially since it’s going to impact our options for fun and entertainment moving forward.”
A crease formed between my brows, my head tipping to the side. “Tell me what?”
“It’s unlikely I’ll ever be able to take you out to dinner, Chloe.
” His voice was so beaten down and broken.
“When I said that things wouldn’t be easy, I meant it in more than one way.
No matter how much I may want to treat you to the things that you deserve—nice dinners or fun dates—the reality is that I’m not welcome at most respected establishments. ”
My lips parted as a flood of emotions washed over me. And one thing I couldn’t ignore smacked me in the face. “Oh, Hawk. I… That’s why… When I asked you about Enzo’s, you told me you’d never been. It’s not because you didn’t want to, is it?”
He shook his head. “To be fair, I never attempted Enzo’s, specifically, but I learned within the first few weeks of being released that my presence made people uncomfortable. It was best to steer clear.”
This was awful. It was easy to look at Hawk, hear what had happened, and imagine just how difficult having ten years of his life ripped away from him was.
And while I could understand that some folks were fearful, it’d never dawned on me that he’d been ostracized so badly over the last two years.
I felt terrible for not recognizing that.
The last thing I wanted was for Hawk to feel worse than he already did. So, I tipped my chin up and said, “You know what this means, don’t you?”
“You’d like to call it quits before this goes any further?”
“What? No!” I gasped, hating he always thought the worst. “I was going to say that you’re going to have to brush up on your picnic basket packing skills. And there’s plenty to do here in the spring and summer that doesn’t require us being indoors at all.”
For several long beats of silence, Hawk simply stared at me. Disbelief shone in his eyes. “How are you even real?”
“I’m real.”
“I know.” He nodded. “I know. You’re the most incredible woman I’ve ever met. How is it possible it doesn’t bother you that I probably won’t ever be able to take you out on a date to a fancy restaurant?”
Smiling, I said, “Because I don’t necessarily believe that’s the case.
I’m not suggesting that you haven’t experienced horrible behavior from some individuals, and I’d never seek to diminish that.
But I think that if you and I went out together for dinner or a night of fun, everything would be alright.
For now, though, I’m not going to force you to take me places or say this isn’t worth it because there might be a few people who choose to be terrible to you.
If and when the time comes that you want to tackle that hurdle, we’ll do it together. ”
I could see the doubt lingering in his stare, but Hawk didn’t argue with me. “Alright. I need something else.”
“You’re still hungry?” I asked, noting his empty plate.
“No. This was plenty. I was referring to you. I need something else from you. Every time we’ve been together lately, I feel like we’re always talking about me and my struggles. Tell me something about you. I find it much more fun and haven’t learned nearly enough.”
Grinning, I stood and said, “Let’s toss these dishes in the sink first, get some ice cream, and grab a seat on my new couch. Then I’ll tell you anything you want to know.”
Hawk’s neck tipped back as he gazed up at me, seemingly spellbound. The tension had left his body, his shoulders dropping. He watched me for a few seconds before he smiled and stood. Then we cleaned up our plates and got some ice cream.