Chapter 16
SIXTEEN
CHLOE
“We only experienced two unpleasant looks today. Three, if you count that little kid who was giving everyone dirty looks. I’d say it hasn’t been too bad.”
I wondered if I’d ever attain that level of acceptance. To be able to even joke about it the way it seemed Hawk was able to by mentioning the young kid.
There was no question I could appreciate Hawk’s desire and willingness to look on the bright side, but I hated that it was even needed.
He didn’t deserve this.
And the urge for me to do something about it was growing with each and every encounter. But since I wasn’t the one who had to live with getting those looks, I didn’t think it’d be good for me to call people out, drawing more attention to Hawk in the process.
“It’s only lunchtime, though,” I reasoned, wanting him to understand how badly I was struggling. “I don’t like seeing what you’ve been dealing with for the last two years, and I wish I could put a stop to it with a snap of my fingers.”
Hawk wrapped his hand around said fingers and squeezed. “You know what makes it easier to deal with?”
I glanced up at him. “What?”
His eyes were warm when he focused on me. “Having you with me, knowing you’ve never looked at me like that.”
Leaning my weight into him as we walked along, I said, “I only wish I’d met you sooner. Two years ago, to be precise.”
“That makes two of us.”
It’d been two days since Hawk and I had cake and kisses for lunch, and we were now out on the surprise date he’d planned for us. Hawk hadn’t kept us completely secluded, opting for a day exploring at Yellowstone.
We’d spent the morning doing some sightseeing and enjoying the gorgeous weather.
All that I’d experienced with Hawk since we’d arrived—holding hands, exchanging knowing looks, and sharing sweet kisses—had been lovely.
I’d had so much fun with him, laughing and chatting the entire time.
I wanted hundreds, thousands, more days like this with him.
I just could’ve done without witnessing those two individuals looking at him like there was something wrong with him. Like he didn’t belong. Like he was a criminal. Like he wasn’t even human.
God, he was the sweetest guy. He cared deeply, and it hurt my heart to realize he’d lived under this level of scrutiny for the last two years. The lengths it made me want to go to just to erase the sting of every unfriendly stare.
“I think this is a good spot,” he declared, slowing to a stop.
“All the way over here?”
Hawk smiled and slid his arm around my waist. “Absolutely. I want to enjoy lunch with you, doing it focused on only you. And I’m confident that’s not going to happen if I don’t keep you far enough away from anyone who might look at me the wrong way.”
My shoulders fell. The last thing I needed to do was make things worse for Hawk. If I spent all our time focused on what everyone else was doing, on whether they were looking at him strangely, I wasn’t doing anything to help the problem.
Hawk had wanted to take things slow between us, to give me the chance to be certain I wanted to be with him.
He believed I deserved to have the chance to get to know him and what it’d be like being with him before getting too serious in case I decided it was more than I could manage.
But if I couldn’t get a handle on it, I’d be no better than the rest of them, and Hawk might be the one to decide to walk away instead.
Offering a sheepish grin, I said, “I can’t help it. I feel very protective of you.”
If it was possible, his features softened further, even as the look in his eyes intensified. “Sit down, sweetness, and let me feed you.”
I sat.
What else could I do when he spoke to me with that deep, gravelly tone to his voice?
A few minutes later, Hawk and I were enjoying our lunch. He’d picked up some prepared wraps, a big bunch of grapes, and some potato chips at the grocery store.
Once I had some food in me and settled a bit from the anger that I’d felt over people I knew we’d never see again, I decided it was my opportunity to make this day even better for Hawk.
“Want to hear something crazy?”
Intrigued, his head tipped to one side. “Coming from you, that could be a good or bad thing, Cunningham.”
“It’s not bad,” I assured him with a grin.
“Alright. Lay it on me.”
“The first real date my parents went on together, my dad brought my mom here to Yellowstone.”
“Yeah?”
I nodded. “They came in the winter, though, so my dad brought a snowmobile and drove them through the park. It was my mom’s first time.”
“On a snowmobile?”
“That, yes. But I meant it was her first time here, since she’d lived in California all her life. She’d only been in Rising Sun for less than a year when she met my dad.”
“No kidding. So, what do you mean when you say it was their first real date? Did they have some sort of fake dating thing going on?”
I blinked and jerked back, not realizing how I’d made it sound.
“No. No, not at all. It’s just that in every instance they’d been together prior, there had always been other people around, whether their friends or my dad’s parents and brothers.
Their trip here, even only as friends, was the first time it was just the two of them without anyone else around. ”
A slow smile spread across Hawk’s face. “And is that when they decided they no longer wanted to be friends?”
Shaking my head, I explained, “The way my dad tells the story, he was all in with my mom from the moment he met her. But my mom, even though she admits she thought my dad was so handsome and sweet, wasn’t interested in dating anyone. It took a lot of perseverance on my dad’s part to convince her.”
“So, that’s where you get it from.”
I arched a questioning brow. “Get what?”
“Your determination. You must get that from your dad.”
“What can I say? Like him with my mom, I think I knew from right about the moment I first saw you that I wanted to know everything about you.”
He chuckled. “And like your mom with your dad, I pretended I wanted nothing to do with you.”
I reached into the bag of potato chips and pulled one out. After popping it into my mouth, loving that Hawk had gotten me a version of my favorite food for lunch, I said, “I wonder if this might mean good things for us.”
“What do you mean?”
For a few beats, I held his stare, unsure if I should say anything.
Things had been going great between us, but it was no secret there’d been a lot of hesitancy on Hawk’s part.
There still was. I didn’t want to say anything that might undo any of the strides he’d taken and the progress we’d made in becoming what we were now.
“I don’t want you to think I’m pressuring you or anything. I’m just saying that my parents are happier than ever, and right now, with the way I feel about you, I’d love to see us experiencing even a fraction of that.”
Something I couldn’t read washed over Hawk’s expression. He wasn’t mad, but he certainly wasn’t grinning like an idiot. My belly trembled with nerves, wondering what he was thinking.
Following a long silence, he said, “Better we take after your parents than mine.”
Relief swept in, and I sent a small smile his way as I playfully leaned my weight into his side.
We continued to enjoy our lunch and the breathtaking scenery when I finally said, “I have a question.”
“Just ask.”
“I’ve been wondering for a while about your name. Where did it come from?”
“It’s a nickname.”
“Really?”
“You thought it was my real name?”
I nodded. “It suits you.”
“Danica chose it,” he revealed. “She said I always watched her like a hawk, and since she knew I hated my real name, she started using it. It stuck, and we never looked back.”
Licking my lips, I wondered if I should ask about his real name. Was it just a name he didn’t like, or was there a reason for the so-called hatred of it?
Hawk seemed to understand what was going through my head. “You can ask what you want to ask.”
“Would you tell me what your real name is?”
He looked away and hesitated. “Gavin Michael Kennedy… Jr.”
Realization dawned, my lips parting. “After your father.”
“Yes.” Hawk returned his attention to me, something dark swirling in his gaze. “And I want as little association with him as possible.”
I wrapped my hand around the back of his arm. “I’m sorry for bringing this up. I didn’t think.”
“You couldn’t have known. And anyway, I’m not upset telling you about it.
” He clenched his jaw, like a slew of bad memories were filtering through his mind.
“He was a terrible husband, a deadbeat dad, and an addict who cared more about his next fix than his family. Arrested more times than I can count. Everyone in this town knew about him. About both of them, but mostly about him. And when everything happened with Danica years after they died, it came as no surprise that everyone thought I was just like him. Worse, perhaps.”
Oh, man.
This was not what I’d imagined for our day. My heart broke for Hawk. I didn’t know what else to say, so I leaned closer and whispered, “I’m so sorry.”
We stayed like that for a while, comfortable in the silence.
Finally, I said, “Thank you.”
“For what, sweetness?”
“For making the effort.”
His head tilted. “I’m not following.”
I slid my arms around his waist and scooted closer. “Thank you for making the effort to be better, to give yourself what you deserve. Thank you for making the effort with me, with us.”
Hawk’s arm wrapped around my back and squeezed.
A long silence stretched between us again, but this time it was Hawk who broke it. “We should probably get up and continue exploring.”
“Yeah. Okay.”
“Did you eat enough? Want anything else?”
So attentive and caring.
“I’m good.”
“Ready to enjoy the rest of our afternoon?”
I tipped my chin up to look at him. “I am. But if one person even thinks about looking at you the wrong way, I won’t be responsible for how I react.”
He chuckled. “Then I’ll just have to do what I can to distract you.”
“Oh? How do you plan to do that?”