Chapter
Sept. 6, 1998
Dear Sam,
You’re right and I’m sorry. It’s really none of my business what your relationship is or isn’t with Cara. I won’t ask again, I promise.
I’ve literally sat here for the last ten minutes wondering what to write because now, for the second time, I’ve made this weird. Ugh! Why am I like this? I drive myself crazy. You know me and you know how I am. I obsess about things that I can’t control. I also tend to get jealous easily. Heck, you know this about me. Do you remember when Mrs. Durcy assigned that pretty new girl Rebecca to be your chem lab partner? I know you do because I asked you about her every day all of junior year. And it’s not that I didn’t trust you. It was her I didn’t trust. Because let’s face it, you were a catch and she was a knockout.
Okay, I’ll stop now. Honest.
Anyway, I wanted to let you know that my parents’ divorce was finalized on Friday. They finally stopped the fighting and came to an agreement on things. Funny thing, after the court date, they went and had a drink together. Nothing romantic, just as friends. It was nice, actually. My dad is still working at Nate’s dad’s company and that has led to some tension between Nate and me. I won’t bore you with the specifics, but him and I don’t get along the way we used to, or the way you and I always did. I feel so trapped in this relationship. I know they will fire my dad if Nate and I break up. And my dad is in a really good place right now. His gambling has stopped and he’s dating someone. Plus, I’m just hanging on, hoping things improve. Maybe this is just a rough patch with Nate and me, ya know? All couples have one. Right? Although, we never did. Since you said that it was okay to bring up our relationships, (I promise to follow the new rule) I hope this is okay, Sam, because I need a friend.
Nate doesn’t treat me the way Chad did. But he … well, he can be controlling in his own way. I guess you could say I love him. I don’t really know though, because any relationship I have from here on out will always be compared to ours.
Why do I put this kind of pressure on myself? Why? I don’t think I will ever know.
Anyway, thanks for letting me vent. I hope I haven’t ruined this long-distance friend thing we have. Write soon.
Love, Maria