27. 2014
Chapter twenty-seven
2014
Maria
“ H ey, Daddy,” I say as I greet my father with a hug. He’s come over to watch the kids while I run some errands and grab some lunch with Amanda. It’s Saturday and, of course, Nate is golfing or sleeping with another woman.
I don’t care either way.
It’s been two years since I found out about him. And he wasn’t wrong. Nothing has changed. Nate is going about his life as if he didn’t destroy me. Also, the girls were right that day at the salon.
No one talks about it.
But that doesn’t mean I don’t think about it. Or discuss it … with Amanda. She has become my best friend these last two years. We have a lot in common, and she quickly became like a sister to me. The other wives hate us both now. Which Amanda and I find a lot of amusement in.
Nate wasn’t happy about it. He would rather control me and have me buddy up with the fake clique from the neighborhood. But, like I said, I’m beyond caring at this point.
Which is where my mind is with him. Amanda and her husband don’t operate like the other couples in the neighborhood. She has helped me to see what a loving and stable marriage can look like. Which has also shown me how far removed from that ours is. Nate doesn’t like Amanda’s husband Elias. For obvious reasons. Elias isn’t a man whore. Or a control freak. Or a manipulator. He loves, adores, and respects Amanda. As a marriage mate should.
Amanda has also guided me on how I need to talk to my dad about the whole situation. Nate threatened me that day with two things. However, lately, I have gained enough confidence to handle the situation myself when I leave him. I am a wonderful mother, and he won’t be able to take my kids away from me.
Another behavior surfaced with Nate that really sent me over the edge. He directed his controlling tendencies towards the kids.
That was the last straw. You can mess with me, but not my children.
Did I mention that Amanda and Elias are both lawyers in family law? Those two together are a force to be reckoned with. So yeah, Nate is in for a fight if he tries anything. Because Amanda pulls no punches. The woman is as tough as nails. And I love her for it!
But now, I am worried about my dad. I know that if I leave Nate, he and his father will make sure that my dad loses his job. A job that, for the first time in his life, he could handle and excel at. I saw a confidence in my dad that I had never seen before.
Despite the hardships my dad and I have faced, we have finally found ourselves in a good place. Same is true of him and my mom. They are friends now, who support each other. I don’t want to mess any of that up. But I also can’t assume that everything will go haywire. My dad is a different person than he was nineteen years ago when he was a gambling addict. He’s changed for the better. So, I need to tell him what’s going on so that we can work this out together. Because at the end of the day, my dad only wants what’s best for me.
“Hey, sweetie,” he says as he walks into my home and peels off his shoes. He removes his coat and hangs it in the coat closet, making himself right at home. “Where are those beautiful grandkids of mine?” He’s darting his eyes over the house, looking for them. I take a quick glance at this man who raised me. He’s older now, mid-sixties. His hair is gray, and his beard makes him look like Santa Claus. As aging does to a person, he’s lost some pep in his step. But also getting older has been a blessing for him. He’s happily married now and is the best grandfather to my kids.
“They are watching a movie right now.” His excitement is contagious, and I can’t help but smile as I watch him. Whenever he’s with my kids, his face lights up with pure joy.
“Well, bring them out here to see their Papa,” he retorts, rubbing his hands together with a wide grin on his face.
I rest my hand on his forearm, a nervous smile replacing the happy one I just had. “I will. But, Dad, can I talk to you first?”
He can see the tension and hear the seriousness in my voice because his brows furrow immediately. “Sure, pumpkin. What’s wrong? You’re not sick, are you?”
I lead him to the couch, and we both sit as I take his hands in mine. My dad’s large and protective hands. The ones that used to hold me when I was a baby and when I crossed a parking lot as a kid. I can feel their warmth, and in this moment, I know he would protect me. “No, Dad, I’m not sick.” He lets out a long breath in relief. “Well, no. Let me rephrase that. I am sick. Sick and tired of my marriage to Nate.”
He shakes his head because I’m sure this has thrown him for a loop. We have painted a picture of the perfect and loving family so convincing that my parents believed the lie. “What? Maria, what is going on?”
For the next ten minutes, the current state of my marriage vomits out of my mouth.
I tell him about Sam and the shed the night before the wedding.
I confess to him how unhappy I have been since day one.
I tell him how I felt pressured to marry Nate to protect him and his job.
I tell him how Nate can’t keep it in his pants (his signature nostril flare came out for that one).
I tell him everything.
As soon as I finish, he is blinking rapidly and having a staring contest with the wall. “Dad, please say something.”
His breathing is getting heavier, and I see a single tear travel down his cheek. “Maria, I am so sorry.” He looks at the ceiling, trying to compose himself. “ I have failed you as a father. First with that idiot Chad. You left Sam for him to help your mother and me financially, and I have never forgiven myself for that.” He turns to face me. Now I’m the one crying.
“I know you are, Dad. And I let that go a long time ago.”
“And I don’t deserve your forgiveness. So, there is no way I am going to be the reason for your unhappiness now. Honey, why didn’t you tell me that Sam came to win you back the day before your wedding?” he asks, agony etched on his face.
“Because I was young and stupid. I thought I was doing the right thing. You were getting back on your feet, and I didn’t want to be the reason to mess that up.”
“Maria, you wouldn’t have—”
I cut him off because I need to get this off of my chest. “Plus, you and Mom did so much, paid for so much, with the wedding. When Sam came to me, all I could think about was disappointing you guys. And I was worried about how Nate would take it or what kind of retaliation he would have brought? I should have put myself first. It was confusing and scary, quite honestly.”
He nods in agreement. “Well, the days of you putting everyone else above yourself are over. Do you hear me? No more.” He shifts his weight on the couch. He’s fully facing me now. “What does my Maria want?”
I let out a heavy sigh, the weight of my frustrations escaping with each breath. “A lot of things. I want to be able to wake up each morning and not worry if I cleaned the kitchen the way my husband demands. I want to live without the constant concern of who my husband is sleeping with or what diseases he could bring back to me from his antics. And I want love. I want a love like the one I had with Sam.” A pain shoots straight to my heart at this last admission.
“Well, that sounds pretty attainable, if you ask me.” Dad’s lips tuck up into a small smile.
“But you’ll lose your job, Dad.”
He shrugs his shoulders. “So.”
“But, what about—” He puts his hands up in protest.
“No buts.” He adjusts himself on the couch, his posture straighter, his chin up. “I’ll quit. Or better yet, I’ll retire. I need to spend more time with my family, anyway.”
“So, you’ll retire? Just like that?”
“Just like that.” He grins at me and pinches my chin the way he would when I was a kid. “Anything for you. Now, let’s go get those grandbabies of mine.” He stands with purpose, slapping his hands on his legs. Before he heads to the kids’ rec room, he peers down at me. “Oh, and do me a favor, will you?”
“Anything, Daddy.”
“Beat Nate home, okay.”
He winks at me as he walks away, and I know full well his meaning.