33. Late October 2018
Chapter thirty-three
Late October 2018
Sam
Maria: Sam, are you okay? I don’t want to seem like a crazy ex-girlfriend here, but why haven’t you been texting me? I’m worried.
M aria’s text from yesterday stares back at me as I swirl the scotch in my glass, the amber liquid coating the sides as I do. I ordered it about thirty minutes ago and still haven’t taken a sip. My mind is elsewhere. Dexter’s is especially quiet tonight, which makes sense since it’s Tuesday. I texted the guys and asked them to meet me for a drink.
Mostly, I need their advice. Because I have a huge decision to make.
Over the past year, Maria and I have been messaging each other, grabbing lunch together, and gradually rebuilding our relationship. We would see each other in the parking lot, and I loved it. If I’m being honest, it has been nothing short of amazing. Having her back in my life again brings a sense of completeness that I didn’t know I needed. Being together feels like all the missing pieces have finally come together. It’s relaxed, it’s easy.
But then, as soon as the texting stops or lunch is over, the confusion settles in. There are plenty of reasons why .
For one, Cara and I have gone from casual to official. That was over the summer, so it feels wrong to keep this up with Maria. I’ve already done the emotional connection thing with Maria while in a relationship. And we all know how that ended.
And two, she keeps bringing up the past, which for me, when it comes to us, is full of hurt. Full of memories of being given The Chad letter on her doorstep. Of pouring my heart out in a shed, begging her to choose me. And her choosing Nate instead. I don’t want to go through the same heartache again.
Plus, I brought Cara home to meet Mikey, which was a huge step and was the exact moment I knew I had to let Maria go. Did Mikey and Cara hit it off?
Meh.
Mikey said that she seems high maintenance. And he’s right, she can be. But just like how Chandler told Monica on Friends … I like maintaining her.
With my decision made, I arranged lunch with Maria, intent on telling her. But of course, the second I saw her, all reasonable thoughts got tossed out the window.
When we would meet for lunch, it was nothing but friends catching up with some flirty banter thrown in. It was wonderful having her in my life again. We would go months sometimes without seeing each other, and then we would meet again, and it was like no time had passed.
As time went on, occasionally, our hands would meet across the table. I never kissed her, but we always hugged once we would depart. Each hug getting longer and longer. Kisses on the cheek followed. And let’s be honest, we all know what would happen next. And I’m not sure I’m ready for that. Do I want to feel her lips on mine again? Absolutely! Am I ready for the relationship that would follow? No. No, I’m not.
But then again, maybe I am.
Overwhelmed, I click off my phone and bury my hands in my face, feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders. I am a complete head case right now.
A huge meaty hand wraps around my shoulder. “Hey, man.” Big C saddles up to the bar stool next to mine and sits. I give him a nod as he waves over the new bartender. A beautiful, tall, statuesque woman that Ricky is going to salivate over as soon as he gets here.
She places a napkin down in front of Big C. “What can I get you?” she asks and flashes us a smile that I’m sure will get her a lot of tips.
“I’ll have whatever is on tap,” C answers in his signature low, deep voice.
She gives C a once-over, glancing up and down his body. “You look like a Yeungling kinda guy.”
Big C smiles. He never smiles. “How did you know?”
“Lucky guess.” She pats the bar and winks at him. “Coming right up, cutie.”
Yep, lots of tips coming her way.
“Ricky is going to love her,” C says with a low chuckle.
“Ricky is going to love who?” Our tall, flirtatious friend enters the chat. He sits on the other side of me and waves his hand to get the bartender’s attention. A mischievous glint appears as a devilish grin spreads across his face. “Never mind. I know who you mean.”
A small, stifled laugh escapes my lips. I may be in a crap mood, but no one can pull me out of one quite like my oldest friend.
A napkin materializes in front of Ricky as well as Big C’s beer. “What can I get you?” she asks with that same smile back on full display.
Ricky leans his elbows on the shiny lacquered bar as his eyes roam over her whole body. “You’re new.”
She must recognize Ricky’s type because, immediately, the smile falls. “Funny, I didn’t see that brand on the ordering sheet last week.” She pops her hip out, resting her hand on it. “Wanna try again?” Little does this poor woman know that Ricky is a big fan of snarky and sassy.
“Sure,” Ricky retorts. “I’ve never seen you here before.” The evil grin is back.
Good grief, Ricky.
She leans her elbows on the bar, mirroring Ricky’s stance. Her white tank top stretches across her chest, which Ricky notices. “Look, the only thing you are getting from me is a drink. I don’t date customers,” she says with some bite as she pushes herself off of the bar and looks him square in the eye while also trying not to smile. “Especially patrons so much older than me.”
Ricky’s eyes pop open in surprise, and his jaw hits the floor while Big C and I choke back a laugh. I don’t think I have ever seen him so gob smacked before. She rejected him with the one thing that he hates the most. Being reminded of his age. Even though he is forty-four, Ricky remains steadfast in his commitment to thinking and behaving as he did in his twenties.
She is good. This woman had him pegged almost immediately.
Ricky’s shoulders sag in defeat. “I’ll have a Budweiser.”
“Coming right up.” Her smile returns as she taps the bar and winks. Brutal.
Ricky turns to face us. “Well, that sucked.”
Big C stretches his body across the bar to address Ricky. “Losing your touch?”
“Ha! Never.” She returns with his beer, and Ricky can’t help himself. “Can I at least get your name?” he asks as he takes a slow drag through his grin.
She walks away, ignoring him. But then halfway down the bar, she pauses and looks over her shoulder. “It’s Rachel.”
He turns to face us, satisfied. “I’ll have her number by the end of the night.”
Shaking his head in disbelief, Big C lets out an incredulous chuckle. “You are a legend, man.”
Ricky laughs as he takes in the bar atmosphere. “They are really sprucing this place up.”
Big C nods in agreement. “Yep. They are adding on and putting in loads more pool tables. The owner wants to start running tournaments here.”
“I saw Givens Construction was doing the reno. I used to work for them. Good guys,” I add.
Ricky directs his next question at me. “So why the meeting of the minds? What’s up?”
I let out a deep, audible sigh. “I’ve reconnected with Maria.”
With a grin spreading across his face, Ricky slaps the bar with a satisfying thud. “Yes! My man! It’s about time.”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Big C interjects, his head shaking with disbelief. “What about Cara?” His question slices through me.
“What about her? ”
“What do you mean, ‘What about her’? Are you still together?” It’s a valid question. My friends’ expectation is building as they wait in silence for my answer.
I finally take a sip of my drink, and I sigh, dejected. “Yes.”
In an instant, Ricky’s excitement evaporates into thin air, his tone laced with seriousness. “Okay, that’s not cool.”
Big C chimes in, “Tell us what happened.”
For the next fifteen minutes, I spill my guts and tell them everything. Starting with seeing her in the parking lot, the lunches, the texts, Cara and I. All of it. “Guys, I have no idea what to do,” I finally confess.
We all sit here quietly, listening to the rumblings of a less-than-packed bar on a Tuesday night.
Ricky eagerly breaks the silence and speaks first. “Well, for starters, ghosting her is not okay. I mean, this is Maria we are talking about.”
“I know.”
Sometimes, in the last year, Maria and I would go a month or longer without talking or texting. But when one of us initiated a text conversation, the other would always respond. So, I’m sure she is wondering what is going on.
Big C hangs his head low. “I’m sorry, but I gotta say it.”
“Go ahead,” I encourage. “Let me have it.”
He looks me in the eye, his brows furrowed, stern and serious. “I have no clue what you see in her.”
Okay. Was not expecting that.
Out of nowhere, a defensive feeling washes over me. “Maria is the love of my life. You know this.”
“Dude, what the heck?” Ricky asks C because he knows. He has been there since day one when it comes to Maria and me. Starting in high school.
Big C leans forward again to address Ricky. “Oh, I don’t know. Maybe because all she’s done is break his heart, string him along, remind him of the past every chance she gets. It’s sick.” I mean, it’s not like I haven’t started our communications in the past .
Ricky looks indignant. “Oh, and as if Cara is that much better. I’m pretty sure her body and looks mean more to her than Sam. She’s actually canceled a date because she had a nail appointment.” Yep. She did that just last week. But I love that she cares how she looks.
Big C claps back. “Cara has never left Sam. Or broke up with him for a dude with a Vette.” Also true.
My head ping-pongs back and forth between these two as they argue about my love life.
Ricky is practically sitting on my lap as he stretches over the bar to argue with C. His voice is raising. “We know her reasons. She’s suffered from those mistakes. Plus, Mikey doesn’t really like Cara.” Fact. Mikey isn’t a fan. “Can’t say I blame him.” My head whips around. Wait, Ricky doesn’t like Cara?
Big C doesn’t back down, his voice booming as he points his finger in Ricky’s direction. “Got that right. Cara would never do to Sam what Maria did. When her and Sam are together, he is her world. Every man wants that.” He’s not wrong.
Ricky rolls his eyes. “Please. Except when she's getting her nails done. We all know Maria is the one. If she wasn’t, they wouldn’t be doing this same old song and dance.” Yep. We can’t seem to stay away.
C lets out an amused chuckle. “That is a lot of romantic talk from the guy who can’t keep a woman.” Okay, that might have been too far.
Ricky’s nostrils flare. “Says the guy who had to settle for Sam’s sloppy seconds.” Oh, crap . Not good.
The tension in this bar just skyrockets as Big C’s shoulders tighten. He rises slowly from his bar stool. Ricky does the same, his eyes dark with anger. This situation went from zero to a hundred fast, and I need to diffuse it quickly because, let’s face it, Ricky doesn’t stand a chance.
As I plant my feet firmly on the floor, I reach out my arms, creating a physical barrier between these two. “Guys, enough!” My voice erupts with frustration as I look back and forth between the two of them. “Stop!”
I see C’s shoulders sag in defeat. With purpose, we all sit down. Both Ricky and C stare straight ahead, their breathing labored from what almost transpired.
I take a second before I scold my friends like children. “As much as I appreciate your concern and somewhat weird passion about my love life”—who knew they were so invested—“you’re not helping.”
Big C speaks first. “Sorry, man.”
Ricky follows. “Yeah. Sorry.”
After that awkward display, I feel like I need to defend myself. And my feelings for both women. I address Big C first. “Look, I know you’re a fan of Cara, but Ricky has a point. Maria is the love of my life. I have been in love with her since I was sixteen. No one knows me better, and other than you two, she is my best friend. She’s incredible, she’s smart, she’s fiercely loyal to those she loves, even to her own detriment. It makes me sad that you never got the chance to know her or see what I see.”
“Remember whose fault that is,” he says flatly as he finishes his beer.
He’s right.
I turn to Ricky. “And I know if I wasn’t interested in Maria all those years ago, you would have gone for her.”
He chuckles. “You better believe it. She’s amazing.”
“She is.” I stop to gather my thoughts. “But so is Cara.” Ricky’s eyes meet mine, and I can feel the weight of his attention. “She is probably the most independent, confident woman I know, which is so sexy. When she loves someone, it’s with everything she has. And yes, she’s into her looks, but, when I’m with her, she makes me feel like I am her world. And she’s funny as hell.” Ricky grins. “I really hope you find that someday. With someone.”
Big C lets out a long breath and points in Rachel’s direction. “Maybe with her. Because she keeps looking over at your sexy self.”
“I knew it!” Ricky exclaims. As we burst into laughter, the atmosphere becomes light and carefree once again. Ricky finishes his beer and slams it down on the bar. “I’m going in.”
With rapt attention, Big C and I watch Ricky walk over to Rachel with his usual swagger. She’s wiping down the bar as he sits in front of her. We can see him mouth something to her but can’t make out what it is. Her big, toothy smile returns as she leans against the bar, giving Ricky her full and undivided attention. I’m pretty sure she is going to break her own ‘no dating customers’ rule.
Shaking my head, I turn towards C. “How does he do it?”
He shrugs. “Like I said, legend.”
We sit in silence as I finish my drink and ponder what to do with the catastrophe that is my life. Big C must sense my tension. “So, what are you going to do?”
“I honestly have no clue.”
“Well, you need to decide quick. What you’re doing isn’t fair to either of them. If you keep this up, you’ll lose them both.”
I hang my head in defeat at his truth and decide to speak my truth as well. Pain fills my heart as the words spill out. “I don’t trust her.”
He stands and pulls a twenty from his wallet, placing it down on the bar. “Well, then. I think you have your answer.”
I watch him as he leaves, ducking his head as he walks out the door, knowing he’s right.
The pain in my chest is telling me how much this is going to hurt.