CHAPTER EIGHT #2
"Mhm. Renovations. So that is what we calling it now?" Jackie said, arching a brow even though Kormia couldn't see her. "Anyway, girl, don't try to change the subject," Kormia continued. "What really fuckin' happened? And don't leave nothin' out."
"Nothing, really." Jackie's voice trailed off.
"Something fuckin' happened," Kormia pressed.
Jackie exhaled before finally deciding to come clean.
"We went back and forth about the block.
He said he knew somebody with a few properties, offered to help me find somethin' better.
Then I walked him out... and he kissed me.
" The words slipped out before Jackie could stop them.
She tried to reel it back quick, but it was too late.
"Bitchhhh!" Kormia damn near screamed through the phone.
"Cash kissed you? Like lips-on-lips kiss, or did he stick his tongue in your mouth and slam you against the wall?
Or was it like a forehead, goodbye-forever-this-the-end type kiss? " Jackie laughed despite herself.
"Kormia, you are a sick lady, and you read too much Kennedy Ryan."
She paused, shaking her head. "Besides, it wasn't even like that."
"What you mean it wasn't like that? You actin' way too calm right now. How he kiss you?"
Jackie hesitated, chewing the inside of her cheek. "It was... soft. Unexpected. Like he ain't even mean to do it at first. But once he did, he ain't pull back right away either." Kormia gasped dramatically.
"Oh my God. I knew it. I knew all that tension between y'all wasn't one-sided.
That man love you." Jackie sucked her teeth. "Girl, stop. Love ain't got nothin' to do with it. It was late, and we both had a couple drinks in us. That's all it was."
"That nigga don't drink, and you was sober the whole reception. Y'all were of sound mind and heart." Jackie did not answer. "Exactly," Kormia said, satisfaction dripping from her voice.
Jackie smirked faintly, shaking her head.
"You’re so damn messy."
"And you so damn scared."
Kormia's voice softened just enough. "You know he still want you.
You just don't trust it." Jackie went quiet.
She didn't know how to explain that it wasn't about trust. It was about timing.
About the world she lived in and the one Cash refused to leave.
And everything she'd lose if she let herself want him again.
She had made peace with it, despite her heart believing one thing and her head knowing another. Jackie shook her head, forcing a smirk.
"Yeah, well... that's dead. He's marrying her."
“But they ain’t married yet,” Kormia argued.
“It’s complicated, Mia,” Jackie whispered. “I don’t get it,” Kormia pressed.
“Then why string you along?” Jackie shook her head, cutting her off.
“He ain’t string me along, Mia. If anything, I strung myself along.
Cassius never promised me nothin.’ What we had were moments that never amounted to anything.
We never had anything outside of that. It was just…
chemistry. And maybe I saw more in it, and that’s on me.
I’m older. I know better.” Kormia went quiet, but Jackie filled the silence herself.
“Mia… if he wanted to, he would, right? He clearly don’t.
And who can blame him? I come with a lot.
Two kids, a crazy baby daddy, stretch marks…
” She forced a laugh. “And I eat pork sage sausage.” Jackie smirked, trying to play it off, but the disappointment threaded through anyway.
Kormia's voice softened. Rare for her. "Nah, J.
Don't start that shit. You been through too much to still be talking like you hard to love.
You always downplaying' yourself like you some consolation prize. Like you supposed to orbit that nigga. But he ain’t the sun, Jackie. You are."
Jackie huffed out a laugh. "Okay, Cristina Yang."
"Cristina who?" Jackie smiled.
"Never mind."
"Seriously, Jackie," Kormia continued. "Cassius not stepping' up don't make you less.
It just mean he ain't built to carry a woman like you.
Big difference." Jackie didn't say anything right away.
Her throat felt tight, like if she tried to talk, the truth might spill out with it.
She swallowed hard, blinking at the ceiling.
Kormia's words hit differently, too close to the part of her that still believed she was only worth what she could survive.
"I hear you," she finally said, her voice low.
Kormia's tone softened again. “Now get some sleep, Cuzzy. I love you."
"I love you too." Jackie hung up. The silence in her room pressed in heavier than before. The phone sat facedown beside her. But her mind wouldn't quiet. He not the sun. You are.