27. Chapter 27
Grayson
When I woke up and my bed was empty, the sheets cold where Harlow was lying… Well, it wasn’t a great start to my morning. I’m not sure what I expected, really. I purged a lifetime of feelings on him and then pretty much crashed.
The emotional upheaval was too much, and I couldn’t stay awake. Not with Harlow in my arms, his weight pressing into me.
There’s a dull ache in my heart, but I’m trying to ignore it. I’m also ignoring my phone. I know if I give it more than a few seconds of attention, I’m going to break and text Harlow.
I promised him if he wanted space, I’d give him space. I have no intention of going back on that promise.
Here’s to hoping we’ll be okay in the end. Maybe he just needs some time. And if that’s the case, I’m going to give it to him.
I fucked everything up. I know that. I just don’t think I realized it would turn out quite like this. I didn’t realize I was going to be so… sad.
It’s one thing to love someone and them not know. When he didn’t know, it couldn’t hurt either of us. Not like this, anyway. But, well… now he knows. And there’s no putting that away. Even if I’m able to go back to pretending, Harlow can’t unhear everything I said. Everything I admitted.
Sighing, I make my way into the kitchen. I’ve been wandering around the house pretty aimlessly since I woke up and realized Harlow was gone, but I may as well get something done.
After I load the dishwasher and start it, I wipe all the counters down and sweep the floors. Truthfully, the kitchen doesn’t need to be cleaned, but I need something to do with my hands. And my feet. And my brain.
I’m worried that if I stop moving too long, I’m gonna spiral.
I should probably call my mom sometime today. Admitting to her that our marriage wasn’t real isn’t my idea of a fun time, but maybe if I give enough notice, they’ll be able to get some refunds on the deposits they’ve put down. Not that three weeks is really all that much notice.
At any rate, they can cancel the catering.
There’s not much to do, so I fill up a mop bucket even though the floor doesn’t need to be mopped.
It’s actually working well to keep my mind occupied, all things considered, because it’s not until the front door opens and Harlow stumbles through it, wide-eyed and flushed, that I realize he’s home.
“Oh.” He gets his footing and then freezes, his eyes trained on me. “You’re awake.”
Was he hoping I wasn’t? Makes sense, I guess. If he was trying to escape without me realizing it, then he probably was hoping I’d still be asleep. “I am.”
“Right.” He clears his throat, then clears it again. I grip the mop tighter, trying to force my gaze away from him and back to my task. He’s so fucking gorgeous. “I just got home.”
I nod. “I see that.” Don’t ask where he was. Just don’t. “Where did you go?”
Godfuckingdammit.
“Josh’s.”
Ah, perfect. I finally look away, my eyes finding a speck of dirt on the ground. I push the mop in that direction, quickly scrubbing it up. My fingers are kind of numb, and I think it might be from how tightly I’m gripping the damn mop handle.
“Gray,” Harlow says, stepping closer. I’m not looking at him, but I can tell.
It’s like my body is attuned to his. I’m sure my nervous system could find him in any room that he was in.
Just by the feel of his presence alone. It’s probably why I woke up when he was gone.
My heart knew something was wrong. “Grayson, will you put the damn mop down and look at me?”
Sighing, I drop the mop back in the water and turn to him. He’s biting his damn lower lip again, and my heart clenches painfully. I’m so tired of making him anxious.
“I thought I’d be back before you woke up.” He frowns, and I mirror the facial expression. That doesn’t make any sense. “I need to tell you something.”
I nod, too afraid to speak.
He takes a deep breath, shaking his hands out and pulling his lip back between his teeth before releasing it.
Beautiful blue eyes lock onto mine. “I didn’t want to say anything last night.
I was afraid. Not like…” He shakes his head.
“Not of you or anything. Not like that. I just—I never do anything slow, right? And I… Well, I owed it to you to think things over. I couldn’t just make another rash decision.
My rash decisions are the reason we ended up in this position to begin with. ”
My heart’s slamming against my rib cage, my vision going a little blurry. I’m not sure if it’s my nerves or tears. This is the moment. The moment I’ve been dreading since the very start.
“I’m in love with you.”
At first, I’m not sure I heard him correctly, and I pause, replaying the words in my head. I’m in love with you. No. I definitely heard them right.
Before I have a chance to answer, Harlow—in normal fashion—rambles on.
“And I think I always have been. I just didn’t realize it.
Which sounds stupid, right? Because how do you not know you’re in love with someone?
But I talked to Josh about it, and he said…
Well, he said that maybe I just—I don’t know, like, didn’t realize because I’ve just always felt this way about you, and I think that’s true, you know? ”
He inhales a deep breath, and I stare at him in shock and amusement and so many other emotions.
Such typical Harlow behavior, and I can’t get enough.
I’ve never been able to get enough. All the things he hates about himself and his personality are the things I want forever.
The things that make him so uniquely him are the reasons I fell in love with him in the first place.
“I’ve just… I’ve always felt this way about you, so I didn’t know that it wasn’t normal. I didn’t know what it was.”
“Harlow—”
“But it’s love,” he says, interrupting me. “It’s always been love. I just didn’t realize, and I’m so, so sorry.” His eyes go glassy, and my heart clenches. “I’m so sorry I didn’t know, and I’m so sorry I hurt you.”
Holding his hand out between us, he starts sliding his ring off his finger, and my stomach falls straight to the floor. I don’t understand what’s happening. “Harlow, what are you doing?”
He shakes his head, sliding the ring off entirely. “Hold your hand out.”
I lift my hand, half numb, and the ring clinks against my own as he drops it into my palm.
Dragging my eyes away from Harlow’s ring, I look up at him, trying to hide my hurt. Why did he give the ring back? I thought… He just said…
“Ask me.” His face is expectant, his eyes shiny with emotion and unshed tears.
“What?”
His eyes fall to the ring, then he lifts his gaze back to mine. “Ask me, Gray.”
Oh. Fuck. Holy fuck. “Harlow.”
He shakes his head. “Baby.”
My lips curve into a shaky smile. “Okay, then. Baby…” My heart’s beating so hard I’m sure it’s gotta be a health concern. Surely a human can’t survive this type of stress on their heart. “Will you please marry me?”
The words come out shaky and rough and garbled. With tears, I think. Harlow is so blurry it has to be tears.
He cups my face, brushing his thumb under my eye. “Yes,” he whispers.
I laugh. Or maybe I choke. Fuck, it could be a sob. I’m not sure. “Yes?” I echo.
Now Harlow’s laughing—this bright, joyous sound that goes straight to my heart. “Yeah, Gray. Or rather, I’ll stay married to you. Forever, please. You know me pretty well, which means you already know I can be a little annoying and demanding and—”
I cut him off with my lips on his. I’ve pictured this so many times.
So many fucking times. I never, ever imagined that it would be like this.
That I would be standing barefoot in the kitchen with wet floors.
That we’d already be married. But somehow, it’s even better than all the things I’ve conjured up in my head.
Because it’s real. Because Harlow is clinging to me like he can’t get close enough. Because I know the exact way his tongue tastes. I know the way he feels in my arms after sex, how soft and pliant he gets. Because of all the things we’ve shared.
It’s so, so much sweeter than I thought it would be. I could have never dreamed up something this perfect. Never.
“I love you,” Harlow whispers against my lips. “Put my ring back on me.”
I almost forgot I still had it. He steps back, putting space between us. My fingers shake madly as I hold it, barely working as I slide it down Harlow’s outstretched finger.
The second it’s settled in its place, something settles inside of me. It’s different from before. It’s not a marriage in Vegas. It’s real. It’s a choice. A choice we both made with eyes wide open and clear heads.
I just stare at it for a second, my mind spinning, then I pull his hand to my lips and press a kiss to the cool metal. “God, Harlow, you have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that.”
“Gray,” he whispers, his voice choked.
Shaking my head, I laugh. “I’m serious. If I think about it too hard, I might cry.”
“You’re already crying,” Harlow says, a smile in his voice.
“Okay, rude.” I surge forward, wrapping him in my arms. His breath catches, his chest hitching against mine. “You didn’t have to call me out.”
“What kind of husband would I be if I didn’t give you at least a little shit?”
Husband. “My husband,” I whisper, the words disbelieving to my own ears.
Harlow hums. “Yes, your husband. Still Gray and Harlow. We’ve always been this, Gray. I just didn’t know.”
Well, that’s gonna make me cry again.
“Take me to bed, husband. I was up before the sun. I want to make you feel so good you forget anyone but me exists, and then we can nap until early afternoon.”
I hook an arm around his waist and lift him into my arms. His legs wrap around my hips, his arms around my neck.
Locking eyes with him, I smile. “No one ever has existed for me but you, baby.”
His face does something complicated, his nose wrinkling and his eyebrows pulling together. “I’ve told you I love you like a hundred times, and you haven’t said it back once.”
I frown, thinking back on our conversation. I haven’t, have I? Not once.
Drawing him to me, I press my lips to his, swallowing his soft moan. I take my time savoring him. His warmth in my arms, his lips on mine, his arms tightening around my neck, his chest rising and falling against me.
Breaking away with a sharp breath, I rest my forehead on his, closing my eyes. “I love you, Harlow. So fucking much. I’ve always loved you.”
I wait for the stab of hurt, the longing, the ache in my stomach. It never comes. Relief fills me, making my knees weak. I’ve never felt my love for Harlow without biting pain right on its heels.
For as long as I’ve loved him, loving him has hurt.
I didn’t know it could feel this way. This light. This warm. This comforting.
It’s everything. He’s everything.
He tilts his head, brushing his lips over mine. “I love you too, Gray.”