Chapter Six
J osh turned into the Strom and Son parking lot without really thinking about it.
He’d been to the post office to check up on a package, and seeing the feed store, his thoughts had immediately turned to Amy, and before he knew it, he was parked and walking through the door.
There was a bounce to his step and a giddy flutter in his chest as he stepped inside. When had this become his favorite spot in Tenacity?
“Welcome to Strom and Son,” he heard. “How can I—” Faith popped out of an aisle, took one look at him, and grumbled. “We’re gonna have to put a bell on you so I stop wasting my breath. Amy’s in the office.”
“Would she mind some company?”
“Well, why don’t you ask her and find out.” Faith shot him a funny little smile before wandering off.
Well then , Josh thought. Faith might like to pretend that seeing him here was a nuisance but she also seemed to be going out of her way to encourage…whatever this was.
What was this?
He headed for the back office. The door was ajar, the sign posted said EMPLOYEES ONLY. He obviously liked Amy’s company. His mother would call him smitten.
Noah and Ryder would say he had a crush.
But the word crush didn’t feel quite right, he decided, as he knocked, peeked inside and spotted Amy. The sight of her smile stole his breath away. It was somehow more than just a simple crush, and that thought made him feel ridiculous. Like he’d jumped into a rodeo ring without ever having learned how to ride a horse first. He felt like he’d skipped some crucial steps somewhere. And yet explaining away his feelings as a simple crush wasn’t possible.
He liked Amy Hawkins.
That much was true.
But he liked her in a way that didn’t make sense to him.
It was too much, too fast.
Only he didn’t know how to undo it. Take it slow , he told himself. Don’t jump into this . Problem was he’d already taken a running leap off the diving board.
She sat in a chair behind a long, wooden desk, holding a granola bar. There was an uneaten apple on the desk. “Hey there, cowboy.”
He leaned against the doorframe. “Not interrupting anything, am I?”
“No.” Amy gestured with her granola bar. “It’s my new mandatory snack break.” Her lips quirked at the corners. “Faith’s been on me since the other day.”
“That doesn’t surprise me. She seems like a stickler for that sort of thing.”
“She worries too much.”
“Because she cares?”
“Remains to be seen,” Amy joked. “So back for more—”
“If that sentence ends in sheep shears you might want to rethink it.”
Amy’s eyebrow arched dramatically. “Careful, cowboy. If you keep swinging by like this for no reason I might start to think you want to see me.”
He huffed. This woman knew damn well he wanted to see her. “Maybe I do.”
Amy hummed thoughtfully. “Can’t imagine why.”
“Isn’t it obvious?”
She shrugged.
“If I get in good with Faith’s sister I might qualify for the friends and family discount.”
Amy guffawed. “Oh, of course. I’m on to your schemes now.”
“Good.”
“You know, you’re less charming when I know you’re just using me for your own personal gain.”
Josh crossed his arms and cocked his head. “Huh.”
“What?”
“You think I’m charming.”
Amy flushed like she was only now just realizing what she’d said. “Past tense,” she muttered. “You were .”
“I don’t think that matters.” He stared at her, and he swore the flush spread down her cheeks to her throat. A place he’d very much like to press his lips. He wanted to see if her pulse fluttered under his kiss. He wanted to—
“Well, I also think puppies are charming and seniors that sing in barbershop quartets. So don’t let it go to your head. Might not be able to get your cowboy hat on anymore.”
“Worried about my ego?”
“Yes. With that head of hair you don’t have much room to work with.”
So she thought he was charming and had good hair? If he was ever in need of a compliment he knew where to come. She met his eye and held his gaze for a long moment. “I didn’t just come here to get my ego stroked.”
“No?”
“I actually swung by because I was wondering… I mean, I had a really nice time the other day. At lunch.”
Something about her softened, and Josh wanted to sweep her into his arms. “I did too,” she said.
He nodded. Reassured. “Good. Great.” He cleared his throat. “I thought maybe you’d like to go for a ride then? Up at my ranch. We could take the horses out, I could show you the property. It’s a nice, easy trail. Though I suppose you’re not one to shy away from some rough terrain.”
Amy lit up. “I’d love that actually.”
“Perfect,” Josh said. If he’d known that, he wouldn’t have taken so long to spit it out. “I guess I’ll pick you up later? At Faith’s?”
“Sure.”
He smiled, backing away from the doorway. “See you then.”
“See you, cowboy.”
Josh turned, heading for the exit, practically buzzing with energy. He clapped a surprised Caleb on the shoulder as he passed him. “Hey, man. How’s it going?”
“Hey?” Caleb said.
Josh was out the door before he could say any more. The faster he got back to the ranch and finished up with the chores, the faster he could get back to Amy.
***
Josh pulled into Caleb and Faith’s driveway several hours later. He’d run later than planned, thanks to a complicated calf birth that required a call to the local large animal vet. But as Josh’s father used to say, mother nature changed her plans for no one, so he’d texted Amy, telling her he was absolutely still coming to pick her up, just a little later than anticipated.
There was still enough time left in the day for a ride, plus if the weather cooperated, it should make for a pretty decent sunset. And who didn’t like a nice sunset?
When Amy appeared on the porch, Josh got out to meet her.
She wore jeans, a jewel-toned plaid shirt, and a black puffer vest. It wasn’t exactly cold, but at this time of year the temperature did drop the closer it got to sundown. Her hair was pulled back too, tied off in a high ponytail, and he admired the long, graceful line of her neck as she came down the steps.
“How are mother and baby?” she asked.
“Everyone’s doing well. Doc said there should be no issues going forward.”
She grinned at that and he walked her around to the passenger side of the truck, opening the door for her. “You didn’t have to get out,” she said, giving him a look that was both amused and a little exasperated. “I am fully capable of opening my own door.”
He leaned against the open door. “I know that, but I wanted to.”
“Well, just don’t expect any more ego stroking.”
“I would never.” He grinned at her, already basking in the pleasure of her company.
“So, are we gonna go ride some horses?” she said. “Or are you gonna stand there and keep staring at me?”
Josh laughed. He liked how cheeky she could be. How bold. “What would you say if I decided I just wanted to keep staring?”
“Hmm. You’re not supposed to ask that question.” She reached out, nudged him out of the way and closed the door.
Josh rounded the front of the cab and climbed into the truck, starting the ignition. “But I did ask,” he said, backing out of the driveway.
“Then I would say you’re wasting precious horseback riding time.”
“I don’t think any time with you is ever wasted.”
Amy opened her mouth. Closed it. Her cheeks pinked. “Just drive, cowboy.”
“Did your words get tangled?”
She snorted.
“I mean it, you know. If you didn’t want to come to the ranch, I would have done anything else. I just…wanted to spend some more time with you.”
“And I wanted to spend time with your horses.”
He barked a laugh. “Glad we cleared that up.”
They grinned at each other again as Josh went racing down Juniper Road to the ranch, the fields on either side of them painted a soft green in the late afternoon sun. He’d driven this road thousands of times, but now he wondered what Amy saw when she looked at it. Did she think the fields looked like rolling green waves? Could she smell the honeysuckle that wafted from the meadows? Could she hear the buzz of insects on the wind?
“How was the rest of your day?” he asked.
“Well, Faith put me to work discounting old stock.”
“Fascinating.”
“I know. I’m allowed to put big yellow stickers on everything I can reach from the ground.” Amy huffed. “I think since the other day she’s afraid to let me near a ladder or lift anything heavy.”
“Have you been feeling poorly again?” Josh asked, suddenly worried.
“No, I’ve felt fine. She’s just…overprotective sometimes. Sisters, you know.”
He tilted his head thoughtfully. “Wouldn’t know. I’m an only child.”
“Oh,” Amy said. “I guess it’s like… When you’re young, you affectionately want to kill your siblings all the time. For everything. Stealing your clothes. Breathing too loud. Eating your food. Talking to the boy you like. And then you sort of, I don’t know, grow up a bit. And you hit this place where they’re suddenly your best friends and you’d do anything for them. Fight off the world if you had to.” She laughed to herself. “It probably sounds strange.”
“No,” Josh said. “It sounds…nice.” He didn’t know what it was to have siblings, but he imagined he’d feel the same if he did. “Is that what Faith was doing when she invited you down to Tenacity? Fighting off the world?”
Amy hummed in agreement. “Letting me hide from it more like. One of their employees actually just went off on maternity leave, so it sort of worked out timing wise. Caleb and his dad needed an extra set of hands a few days a week, and here I was. But I appreciate them letting me bunk in for a while all the same.”
“Guess you can’t complain too much about them putting you to work then.”
Amy laughed. “I really can’t.”
They turned onto the ranch, driving down the long stretch of gravel, the rocks nicking off the bottom of the truck. Josh parked and hopped out. Amy climbed out before he could even dare to open her door again. The look she gave him told him she knew exactly what he’d been thinking.
“So, this is it,” he said, gesturing from the house he’d grown up in to the massive barn that housed his cattle.
“Why is it called Split Valley?”
“There’s a creek that runs through the property,” Josh said. “We’ll pass it on our ride.”
“Oh, that’s lovely.”
“It’s the bane of my existence actually.”
“What? Why?”
“The calves like to get themselves stuck down there.”
Amy laughed. “You’re telling me you have to mount calf rescue missions?”
“At least a couple times a year. Ranching is all fun and games until you’re trekking through knee-deep water after some baby that’s still too new to know not to run away from you.”
“I’m gonna need to see that in person because it sounds hilarious.”
Josh inclined his head toward the barn, the brown-gray structure towering over them. “You want to meet today’s newest addition?”
“Do I want to meet a tiny, mooing ball of fluff? The answer to that is always yes.”
Josh’s pulse fluttered at her enthusiasm. He hurried after her as she set off for the barn door. Inside it smelled of… Well, cows and churned earth and damp straw. He led her through the building, pointing out the feed storage and various calving boxes for the expectant mothers, each of them filled with soft bedding. They walked further along a concrete aisle, coming upon a gate. He swung it open, admitting them into an area with another calving box. He’d left the mother and baby inside after the vet had come by to help with the birth and was pleased to see that both mother and baby seemed to be getting on fine. The calf was nestled down in the bedding, his ears twitching.
“Oh my God,” Amy said softly. “He’s so little.”
“He came a bit early by the looks of things but he’ll do just fine. Mama here will make sure of it.” Josh kept an eye on the mother as Amy gave the calf a little pat, her face lighting up. They weren’t pets. Josh knew that. But they sure were cute.
“Do you ever get used to this?” Amy said.
“Never.”
“I’ve roped a lot of calves in the rodeo ring but they’re older. This one’s so precious.”
“Come on,” Josh said. “Let’s go check out those horses before you fall in love with the little guy. My father always said you can like ‘em but you can’t love ‘em.”
“Guess not when it’s your livelihood,” Amy said. She reached her hand up and let Josh pull her to her feet.
She followed him out of the calving box and down into a different part of the barn. When they reached the horse stalls, they were greeted by Mac, who stuck his head over his gate for a head scratch.
Josh obliged. “This is Mac. Our resident drama queen. And that’s Bella in there,” he said, pointing her out in the next stall. “And Bitsy at the end.”
Amy walked up to Bitsy’s stall, biting her lip as she gave the horse a long look.
“Maybe you wanna take Bella out,” Josh cautioned, worried as Amy opened the gate to Bitsy’s stall. “Like I said… She’s not the friendliest.” Amy reached her hand out and Josh braced as Bitsy nosed forward. Please don’t nip at her, Bit. I’m trying to make a good impression.
But Bitsy simply sniffed and then nuzzled Amy’s hand.
Josh came up behind her, still on edge, but Amy reached her other hand up, rubbing down Bitsy’s neck. “I don’t know how you did that.”
“You need to have some more faith in me, cowboy. I do know how to charm a horse.” She ran her hand along Bitsy’s back, giving her a solid pat.
“You sure you want to ride her?”
“Just get me some tack,” Amy said, accepting the challenge.
Josh shook his head. This might go terribly. He left the stall and returned with all the necessary tack. As Amy got Bitsy saddled up, Josh turned to Mac, doing the same. When they were done, he watched Amy climb into Bitsy’s saddle, clicking her tongue. Bitsy headed for the door and Josh followed.
“We’ll head up along the edge of the property line,” he said, gesturing to a fence. Amy shifted around in her saddle. “You okay?”
“Yeah, sorry. It’s just been a couple months since I’ve been on a horse. It always brings me a certain kind of joy when it’s been this long. I get a little antsy. It’s taking everything in me not to dig in my heels and gallop full-out.”
“Can you try not to give me a heart attack? Bitsy’s behaving for you now, but I think it’s best if you ease into that sort of thing.”
Amy laughed. “Worried about me?” She clicked her tongue and Bitsy trotted ahead.
Josh’s stomach flipped. He liked this. He really liked this. He liked that he’d made her happy. He liked having her here. He liked having company on this usually lonely trail.
When Josh caught up with her, Amy was patting Bitsy on the side of the neck. “I am a little worried she’s gonna try and throw you.”
“She would never.” Amy cooed down at her and Bitsy’s ears twitched. “Though it would not be my first time falling off a horse.”
“I suppose it’s a hazard of the trade?”
“It doesn’t happen often, but it does happen. I think I’m more careful now. When I was younger, I could be thrown and bounce back up like nothing had happened. Now, I’ll be a walking bruise.”
“Ever broken anything?”
“My collarbone,” Amy said. “Once. And my wrist.” She gestured with her left hand. “Got my hand tangled in a rope and got dragged by a steer. I was back on a horse before the cast had even finished setting.”
Josh’s eyes widened. Amy was tougher than he thought.
“I can’t imagine doing that now. So Bitsy and I are going to be good friends. Aren’t we, girl?” Bitsy chuffed like she understood.
They crested the far ridge of the property and started up along the fence that kept the cattle off Juniper Road. Josh kept one eye on the fence line, forever looking for wear and tear that might need fixing. But mostly he watched the way the evening crept up on them, painting Amy in the early colors of sunset. It brought out hints of red in her dark hair and the flush in her cheeks and the blue of her eyes. For a beat he wished he could somehow preserve this moment. Him and Amy and the world around them beautifully still.
His heart raced at the thought.
“So, riddle me this,” she said. “How does a man like you, with a place like this, end up out here all alone? Is it a choice or…” She let the rest of her question fade.
Josh tilted his head, wondering how to answer.
“If I’ve overstepped, just say so,” Amy said.
“You haven’t,” he assured her. Past relationships weren’t usually something he wanted to dwell on, but for some reason he wanted to tell Amy. Maybe just so he could explain that he was a good guy who’d simply stumbled on some bad luck as far as love was concerned. “I guess recently I’d just kind of given up on looking.”
She nodded. Bitsy weaved so close he could have reached out and touched the piece of hair that had escaped Amy’s ponytail.
“I… My last relationship sorta made me want to not try again. I thought things were going well, but Erica felt trapped here with me. So she took off for bigger and better things and… I’m still here,” he said. He didn’t know if he was explaining it right. “Don’t get me wrong, I want to be here. This place is what makes me happiest. I just don’t really need my heart stomped on again.”
“I’m sorry that happened,” Amy said. She glanced out across the fields. “I don’t know how anyone could feel trapped here.”
“I suppose the same way I’d feel totally out of my element if I was dropped in the middle of some big city.”
“Still, I’m sorry you couldn’t find a way forward together.”
“I think in hindsight it’s easier to see that maybe we weren’t as great together as I always thought we were. Maybe we didn’t match up in the right ways. I was content with this,” he said, gesturing out at the ranch, at the gold dappled fields, at the sunset-gilded earth. “And she wanted… I don’t know if more is the right word,” he said, “because I think this is an awful lot for someone to be happy with. I guess she just wanted different things, better opportunities than what Tenacity could offer, and we didn’t realize that about each other until it was too late. It was gonna hurt regardless by that point.”
“I think it’s easy to get caught up in who we think someone is. Especially when we’re not really looking.”
“What do you mean?”
She shrugged. “I guess it’s just easy to see what we want to see. That’s all.”
He knew she wasn’t referring to Erica rather an experience of her own. Again, he wondered about this guy who had hurt her. Wondered where he was now. What he did for a living. How he had walked away from this. From her .
“I like it here,” Amy said.
“Yeah?”
“You were right. It’s peaceful.”
They fell in line beside each other again, their horses weaving together then apart.
“How does one get into rodeoing in the first place?” he asked. “I mean, I realize you’re part of the Hawkins clan, but do they just line you up as kids and teach you rope tricks?”
Amy laughed. “Sort of. As a kid it just seems like fun and games and you can’t wait to get on a horse. I remember spending hours watching my grandmother Hattie in the arena. She’s the one who started it all, proving that anything men could do on the rodeo circuit, she could do better.”
“She sounds incredible.”
“Oh, she’s a hoot,” Amy said.
“So, how do you get from Hattie to you?” Josh asked, trying to place The Hawkins Sisters he’d always heard about with the real-life Hawkins sister sitting next to him.
“Well, Hattie’s husband, Roscoe, died in a rodeo accident shortly after they were married.”
“That’s terrible.”
“I’m sure it was,” Amy said, “losing him so soon, and Hattie spent most of her childbearing years on the road, so she ended up adopting four adolescent girls. My mom, Suzie, and my aunts Josie, Hannah and Lisa. Hattie obviously taught them everything she knew, and they traveled with her on the circuit, performing and making a name for themselves as The Hawkins Sisters.”
“What a legacy for Hattie to start,” Josh said, impressed by the strength Hattie had clearly inspired in all her children and grandchildren.
Amy nodded in agreement. “And not just The Hawkins Sisters legacy, but even the tradition of adoption. My grandmother started that, and it’s been carried on by the whole Hawkins clan. My parents adopted me and Faith, who you obviously know, but also my three other sisters, Tori, Elizabeth and Carly.”
He hadn’t realized she had so many sisters. “Was your dad in the rodeo, too?”
“Yeah,” Amy said. “But he was forced into early retirement by a leg injury.”
“Rodeoing really is in your blood.”
Amy smiled. “Exactly. I spent so long surrounded by it, so long wanting to be a part of it, that by the time I realized it was something I was making a career out of, I already loved it too much to stop.”
“So there was never anything else you wanted to do?”
“I don’t think so. It gave me the best of everything. Time with my family.” She chuckled. “Sometimes too much time. And travel. A job I loved. But in the typical sense of working some regular nine to five, I guess that was never in the cards. Working at the store is the closest I’ve gotten. I like being outside too much. Like being with the horses.”
Josh took that in. “But there must be a bit of the glitz and glamour that you miss.”
Amy shrugged. “There were definitely perks to everyone knowing your name sometimes. But the older I’ve gotten, the more I’ve realized I want other things out of life. In a way I feel like I’ve maybe waited too long.”
“For what?”
“Oh, you know, the typical things. Marriage, kids, white picket fence. And I know I’m not that old yet, and adoption is definitely something I’d consider, it’s just a feeling inside me. Like I want to settle, but I keep ending up with people that don’t want me or don’t want that.”
I want you , he thought, almost shocking himself right out of the saddle.
“And, well, you know. It’s hard some days to know you want this thing so badly, but not know where you’re supposed to look to find it. Or how long you’ll have to wait for the right person to come along. Or if they ever will.” She laughed. “I never used to worry about these things. I think this last relationship crashing and burning just really put things in perspective for me. Or, really, the lack of those things in my life.”
Josh shook his head.
“What is it?”
“I’m still trying to figure out what kind of man let you go.”
Amy scoffed. “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”
“Well, he made a mistake. A big one. One day he’s gonna wake up and realize that.”
She flushed the same pink as the horizon line. “I don’t think so.”
“I mean it.”
“Thanks,” she said quietly. She kept her gaze on Bitsy. “But frankly I hope I never have to see him again.”
“Is he on the rodeo circuit?”
Amy hummed. “Not quite. He’s sort of in that world, though. Of glitz and glamour as you said.”
A world Josh would never know anything about. He wondered if Amy could ever really be okay with that. If he even stood a chance.
He hoped so.