Chapter 6 Giselle
Giselle
Giselle stared numbly at the stick with the big, bold letters reading “Not Pregnant” as tears ran down her cheeks. Her cycle
was over a week late, and she had been praying that this time she’d get good news.
Not again. Why is it always negative? When is it going to be my turn?
This was the second time in the last six months that she had gotten her hopes up, only to have them dashed again. After the
last miscarriage a year ago, she’d vacillated between wanting to have a baby and being scared of losing it again, but the
wanting always came up stronger. She recalled how she’d enjoyed snuggling with her nieces and nephews when they were born.
But the way things were going, she might never know that feeling for herself, and it was depressing.
“Are you going dress shopping with Mom and Kamryn today?” Shawn called out.
She quickly cleaned up her face and discarded the test, then left the bathroom.
Emotionally drained, she decided to wait until later to tell him about it.
“That’s not until next week, and I haven’t decided whether I’ll go.
I’m headed over to my mother’s. She’s cleaning out some stuff and wanted us to come by to get what’s ours.
” Giselle really didn’t want to make the visit.
She had no desire to go twelve rounds of verbal fisticuffs or listen to her mother rant about everything from increased food prices and the weather to bad customer service and everyone’s lack of appreciation for her.
With any luck, Giselle could grab her things and be out quickly.
“Do you have a lot to pick up? And why wouldn’t you want to do the dress shopping?”
“I don’t think I still have a lot there, so hopefully it won’t take long. And I don’t know why Kamryn asked me to go. She
doesn’t really talk to me, and it seems like she only did it because everybody was there.”
He folded his arms and leaned against the doorframe. “Not sure how you got that impression since I saw her trying to talk
to you several times.”
Giselle jumped to her feet. “How are you taking her side? I’m your wife. You’re supposed to be on my side.”
“I’m not taking anybody’s side, Giselle. I’m merely stating what I saw. Whatever issue you seem to have with Kamryn, you should
try to work it out. Like I said before, she’s going to be part of this family now, and we need to act like it.”
“You mean like how you were almost staring at her with your tongue hanging out when Tariq introduced her? Or maybe when you
kept raving about her cake for days?” The words tumbled out of her mouth before she could call them back.
Shawn sighed. “So because I thought Kamryn’s cake was delicious and smiled at her when my brother introduced her, you think .
. . what?” He pushed off the doorframe and came to stand in front of her.
“Baby, I don’t know what’s going on with you, but you’re starting to sound like you’re jealous of her for some reason.
” She opened her mouth to speak, but he placed a finger on her lips.
“Let me finish. Yes, she’s a beautiful woman, and yes, she has a couple of college degrees and can bake her butt off, but that’s her journey.
We all take different paths in life, but that doesn’t mean one person is better than the other.
I love you. You are a beautiful woman and have no reason to be jealous of anyone.
” He pressed a kiss to her forehead. “The beauty of this thing called life is if you don’t like something about it, you can change it. ”
Giselle felt the tears stinging the backs of her eyes. She appreciated everything he said, but he made it seem as if she could
just wave a magic wand and her life would be perfect. And was she really jealous? No. She’d felt the subtle snub, even if
no one else noticed. “I love you too. I have to go so I’m not over there all day.” She gave him a quick hug and kiss on the
lips, then grabbed her purse and keys and rushed out.
In the car, she swiped at the lone tear that had escaped down her cheek. All her life, everyone always made her out to be
the bad person. She could never do anything right, or she was just “imagining things” that weren’t there. The times when one
or both of her sisters would steal her clothes, her mother would call her selfish and ask whether whatever article of clothing
was taken was more important than a person. Or her sisters would accuse her of being oversensitive when they were teasing
her about her weight or grades in school and say it was all in fun. Yet there hadn’t been anything fun about any of it. And her mother just stood by and let it happen.
Giselle started the car and made the twenty-minute drive to her mother’s house.
Nothing had changed in all the years since she’d moved out.
The small two-bedroom, one-bath house still sported the same faded brown and beige paint, the weeds continued to take over the flowers lining the front, and the grass was overgrown.
Instead of the biweekly lawn service she used to have, Carol Johnson decided it was a waste of money and changed it to monthly.
As a result, the yard resembled a jungle most of the time.
Giselle rang the doorbell and, while waiting, surveyed the block. Most of the neighbors who had been there while she was growing
up still lived there. She turned at the sound of the door opening.
“Why didn’t you just use your key?” her mother said by way of greeting.
“Hello to you too, Mama.” She shook her head and entered, placing a kiss on her mother’s cheek. “How are you?”
“Fine. Just wish everything wasn’t so expensive now. I’m paying double for the same things. And there’s some new people who
moved in a few houses down. They look a little shady, if you ask me.”
Here we go. Heading off her mother’s rant, Giselle asked, “Did Patricia and Lisa come by already?”
“They’re supposed to be here by now, but I don’t know where they are.”
“Okay.” She went down the hallway to the bedroom she’d shared with her sisters. Her treasured cache of books sat on one shelf,
along with her high school yearbooks and the only photo from her brief stint in the middle school dance club. After her father
walked out on them, there hadn’t been money for extracurricular activities. They were barely able to keep a roof over their
heads and purchase the necessities. Halting her trip down memory lane, Giselle went out to the car and got the two storage
bins she’d brought.
A short while later, she heard voices and little feet running.
She’d hoped to be gone before her sisters arrived to avoid dealing with Patricia’s whining because Giselle refused to give her money.
Blowing out a long breath, she picked up the first bin and carried it to the living room.
“Hey, y’all.” While her sisters routinely worked her nerves, she always enjoyed seeing her nieces and nephews.
Patricia and Lisa at ages thirty-one and twenty-six, respectively, had five children between them and almost as many baby daddies.
“Auntie Gigi!” they squealed when they spotted her. Their ages ranged from seven to two, and she loved them with every beat of her heart.
Giselle passed out hugs and kisses as they surrounded her. “Oh my goodness. I can’t believe how much you all have grown since
I last saw you.” She caught up on school, day care, and every other activity before they ran off to the play area her mother
had set up for them.
“When are you and Shawn going to have some babies?” her mother asked.
“Whenever it happens, I guess.” She knew she’d make a good mother, and unlike her own mother, Giselle definitely wouldn’t
talk negatively or pit one child against the other.
“Your sisters haven’t had any problems. Maybe if you lost about twenty pounds, you might be able to get pregnant.”
Her sisters snickered.
Giselle ignored them. “Weight has nothing to do with it. There are lots of plus-sized women with children.” Comments like this were exactly why she hadn’t shared her miscarriages with her family.
Giselle wasn’t going to give them any more ammunition only to have it thrown back in her face later.
No, she’d keep her heartbreak to herself.
Both Patricia and Lisa were tall and slender like their mother.
Giselle, however, had inherited the body and curves of her paternal grandmother.
Her mother often said that she looked exactly like her father, and it made her wonder if that was why her mother treated her differently.
It hadn’t always been this bad—there were a few occasions where her mother had taken her side—but things had gotten progressively worse over the past several years, and she wondered if she and her family would ever have some semblance of a decent relationship.
“Hmph. You still need to get that weight off. A man ain’t gonna stay around a woman who lets herself go. Mark my words. All men are
the same. And why didn’t you help your sister with her rent this month? You live in that big house and have a husband that
makes good money. Stop being so selfish.”
Giselle knew it would be a waste of time to argue with her mother, so she kept her mouth shut. Besides, she couldn’t handle
one more negative comment. Of course her sisters never stuck up for her. Most often the two would band together against her
and add more fuel to the fire. Like with the rent issue. “I’m not being selfish, and I’m not a bank. I’ve given her and Lisa
at least two thousand dollars over the past six months, but I can’t do it this time. If Pat needs money, then she should work
like I do. I need to get going.” Giselle carried the first container out to the car, then came back for the second. After
hugging her nieces and nephews, she said a hasty goodbye and left. If she stood there one more minute, they would’ve found
a way to guilt-trip her into giving up the money.
By the time she made it home, all she wanted to do was bury herself under the covers. Shawn hopped up from the table where
he was working on his laptop and rushed over.
“Let me take that. Do you have any more?”
“Yes. Just one more on the back seat.”
He placed the container off to the side, then went out to her car to get the other one. After stacking it on top of the first
one, he came over to where she still stood. “What happened?”
She told him about her mother’s comments regarding her weight and getting pregnant.
“Come here, baby.” He pulled her into his embrace.
“I don’t like the way she always throws that in your face.
It’s wrong. And like I told you earlier, everyone’s journey is different.
When it’s time for us to have children, we will.
And if it doesn’t happen naturally, there are several routes that we can explore. ”
“She makes me feel like I’m a failure. That’s why I’ve never mentioned the miscarriages. And then today I took a pregnancy
test and it was negative again.”
“You’re not a failure, and I know how hard each loss was for us. But the doctor never said we couldn’t have babies, so we’ll
keep trying. As far as your weight, I love every one of your curves.” He bent and nuzzled her neck. “Need something to hold
on to.”
Giselle giggled. This was how they were at the beginning, and she missed it. “Thanks for making me feel better.”
“That’s what I’m here for. I tell you what, I’m taking you to your favorite Italian restaurant for dinner.”
“We haven’t had a date night out in a while.”
“That means we’re overdue. Can you be ready in half an hour?”
“You’d better believe it.”
Shawn placed a lingering kiss on her lips. “I’m going to finish up this project schedule and review this last design, then
we can go.” He only brought work home when a new project was starting. Even then, he made a concerted effort not to let it
interfere with their home time.
“Okay. I’m going to change real quick.”
An hour later, seated in the restaurant with the wonderful smells of oregano, garlic, and freshly baked bread, Giselle continued
to be plagued by her mother’s comments, along with her and Shawn’s earlier conversation about her possibly being jealous of
Kamryn.
He reached for her hand. “No negative thoughts tonight. We’re going to enjoy ourselves and not worry about anything. Deal?”
“Deal.” She loved him for always having her back and making her feel beautiful, especially when she didn’t feel it herself.
After a glass of wine and some good seafood pasta, Giselle started to relax. Her phone rang in her purse. “I hope it’s not
my mother,” she mumbled, wiping her hands.
“You don’t have to answer.”
She dug it out of her purse. “It’s your mother.” She connected the call, saying, “Hey, Mama Yvonne. Is everything all right?”
Mama Yvonne laughed. “Of course. I’m just calling to make sure you’re going shopping with us next Saturday. I’m looking forward
to having all three of my girls. We should have lunch too. I’ll call Kamryn and Taylor when I hang up.”
“Um, I’m not sure I’ll be able to go.” As much as she loved her mother-in-law, she would rather not have to spend all day
feeling like an outcast. In some ways, being around Taylor and Kamryn, and recalling how the two seemed to have clicked immediately,
reminded her of how it always ended up with her sisters, and she didn’t want to put herself out there just to be hurt again.
“Oh, I really hope you can come. I missed being able to do this with you since . . . Never mind.”
Since her mother adamantly refused to have some other woman “steal the privilege” of shopping with her daughter. No matter
how many times Giselle tried to reason with her and tell her that Mama Yvonne didn’t want to take over, that she only wanted
to be part of the process, Carol wouldn’t budge. Every so often, she wondered whether the experience would’ve been better
had Mama Yvonne been allowed to join them. Each time, the answer came back a resounding yes.
“Can I call you tomorrow and let you know? Shawn and I are out to dinner.”
“Of course, baby. Why didn’t you tell me you two were out? Date nights are important. Enjoy your dinner, and I’ll talk to
you tomorrow. Tell my son hello.”
“I will.” She disconnected. “Your mom said hi.”
“Are she and Dad okay?”
“Yes. She wanted to know if I was going shopping with them next weekend.”
“You really should go. It’ll probably be fun. You haven’t done a girls’ day in a while.”
Giselle picked up her fork. “True. Maybe I’ll go.” If nothing else, she’d get a hint of what she had missed.