Chapter 29 Taylor
Taylor
Two years. Two long years without Austin, and I still feel stuck. Taylor sometimes moved through the day on autopilot, not feeling, just existing. She stared at her favorite photo from their
wedding. The sunset provided the perfect backdrop as Austin gazed down at her, his hand cupping her cheek. The look of love
reflected in his eyes would be one she’d never forget. A tear slid down her cheek. She thought she was done with all the crying,
that she had no tears left, but all it took was one memory to bring them back. She reached for a tissue and wiped her face.
She’d gone through so many boxes, she could’ve papered the entire state of California.
Glancing up at the clock, she realized she only had ten minutes before Damon arrived. He’d called a couple of weeks ago and
asked if he could visit for a few minutes. Afterward, she was headed over to see Tariq, Kamryn, and Imani, who was growing
so fast. Taylor went to change out of her skimpy tank top and shorts and into a pair of jeans and a short-sleeve top. On her
way out of the bedroom, she caught her reflection in the mirror and saw her hair sticking up all over her head. She took a
moment to brush it and heard the doorbell.
Taylor checked the peephole before opening the door.
After being caught off guard the day she lost Austin, she now made sure to see who was there every time.
“Hi, Damon. Come on in.” She backed up so he could enter.
He was a couple of inches shorter than Austin but maintained a similar muscular build.
Damon followed her to the living room, and she gestured for him to sit. “How are you, Taylor?” he asked, his light brown eyes
studying her. He took a seat in one of the armchairs.
“Surviving, I guess. Can I get you anything?”
“No, thank you. I don’t plan to stay long.”
Taylor sat on the sofa. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you out of your uniform.” She also noticed that his normally clean-shaven
walnut-colored face now sported a goatee.
He smiled. “You probably won’t see me in it again. I’ve officially retired from service.”
“Congratulations,” she said genuinely. She recalled him mentioning that he might retire after twenty years, rather than the
thirty he’d planned initially. She just wished Austin would have had the same opportunity. “Now that you have all this time
on your hands, what do you plan to do?”
“I actually have an interview on Monday at a company that contracts with the government. My degree is in mechanical engineering,
so I’m hoping it’ll be a good fit.”
“Well, I wish you all the best.”
“Thank you. Now that I’m out, I passed along your information to a good friend of mine, and I wanted to give you his card
in case you have any questions about benefits or anything else in the future.” Damon handed her a business card.
“I really appreciate you doing this, but I’m curious as to why. You’ve gone far beyond duty—not that I’m complaining or anything. I just wanted to know why and whether you do this for everyone.”
He stared off for a moment, then said, “You’re the first person I’ve done this for, and I’ve asked myself the same question
many times. I think it’s because I’ve been where you are—losing a love before it really had a chance to grow.”
Taylor had no idea what he might say, but she hadn’t expected this. “I’m very sorry for your loss. You never mentioned it
before.”
“When I was in uniform, I represented the Marines, and I didn’t feel as if I should discuss my own personal business. As a
private citizen, it’s different, if that makes sense.”
Taylor nodded. “I can see that. How long were you married?”
“Only three months. She passed away from a pulmonary embolism. It’s been almost four years now.”
“How do you do it?” she asked quietly.
His brows knitted together. “Do what?”
“Move on. How do you make it through the days and the nights?” The nights were the worst for her, because that was when they’d
talk most often. And there were days when she still found herself sitting by the phone waiting, until she remembered there
would be no more calls. No more videos. No more laughter.
“It’s not easy, and the grieving process is different for everyone. There’s no timetable or anything, but as the years have
passed, the pain has lessened. I don’t know that it will ever go away, but I’ve gotten to the place where I can remember Shelby
and smile first, whereas before all I’d feel was pain. I’ve finally been able to move forward.”
Taylor nodded. She often wondered if she would ever get to that place.
As if reading her mind, Damon said, “You’ll get there in your own time.”
“If you say so.”
He stood. “I’d better go. If you ever want to talk, please know that you can call me. We can even go out for coffee or something
if you want.”
“Thank you.” She walked him to the door.
“Take care of yourself, and I’ll be in touch.”
“You do the same, and good luck with your interview.”
“Thanks.” He gave her a brief, friendly hug and was gone.
Taylor stood with her back against the closed door for a few moments. It was the first time he’d hugged her, and although
the contact lasted mere seconds, it evoked a sense of comfort and support. In some ways, she envied him and hoped one day
she could feel the joy before the pain. Straightening, she went to get her shoes, purse, and keys.
Half an hour later, Kamryn opened the door and pulled Taylor into a crushing hug. “Hey, sis. I almost thought you decided
not to come.”
“Damon stopped by for a few minutes. He wanted to give me the name of someone else to contact if I have questions or need
anything, because he’s retired now.”
“That’s nice of him, and he’s kind of cute,” she added with a conspiratorial wink.
“Oooh, I’m telling Tariq you’re checking out other guys,” Taylor teased.
“Girl, please. I can mention a good-looking brotha. I have no intentions of touching, though. I’m good over here.”
They were still chuckling when they got to the family room.
“Aunt Tay,” Imani squealed as she ran to Taylor as fast as her three-year-old legs could carry her.
Taylor scooped her up, placed a kiss on her cheek, and basked in the little arms that went around her neck. She simply adored her niece and had fallen in love with Chanel and Vincent’s four-month-old, who carried the name of an uncle he’d never get to meet. “Hi, cutie. How’s preschool going?”
“Good. I made a picture.” She squirmed to get down, and Taylor set Imani on her feet. She took off down the hallway.
Kamryn shook her head. “I swear that girl doesn’t know the meaning of walk.”
Laughing, she said, “Most toddlers don’t.” She still had regrets that she and Austin never got the chance to have any children.
Imani came speeding back and thrust a piece of paper at Taylor. She sat on the sofa and placed Imani on her lap. “Oh, this
is so pretty. Tell me what you drew.” There were lines and scribbles all over the page.
“It’s Mommy and Daddy and me, and we go outside on the swing.”
“Wow, that’s pretty cool.”
Imani talked nonstop about school, her friends, and playing in the backyard on her playset. Taylor understood only about half
of what she said. While she had a great vocabulary, whenever she got excited, her words became less intelligible.
Imani hopped down and was off again.
“Hey, girl.” Tariq came over and engulfed Taylor in a hug. His hugs always made her feel closer to Austin. “How you doing?”
She started to say okay but decided to be honest. She’d always been able to talk to him and Kamryn. “Some days I think I’m
doing okay, then out of the blue I feel like I’m back in the same cycle again. Sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever be better.
And even though you all tell me I’m still part of this family, I hear it here”—she pointed at her head—“but it’s hard to feel
it here.” She pointed to her heart. “It’s like I’ve been disconnected and can’t find a way to plug back in.”
“Make no mistake about it, Taylor, you are part of this family. Not just for now, but forever. It doesn’t matter what happens down the line. Even if you’re blessed
to find someone else, you will always, always be a Bradley. Austin loved you, baby girl, and he would want you—all of us—to keep living. He wanted me to assure you that
your place is with us. Forever.” He hesitated briefly. “Austin left something for you. He asked me to give it to you when
I thought you were ready. I’ve been trying to give you the space you need and not overwhelm you, while still letting you know
you’re one of us. But since you mentioned not being able to find a way to plug back into this family, I believe it’s the perfect
time to hear what Austin has to say. Be right back.”
Tariq returned with his laptop. “I’ll email it to you once you’re done so you’ll always have it, but you can watch it on here
for now. The file is too big for a text.”
Taylor’s heart started pounding as she accepted the laptop with Austin’s face paused on the screen.
“Kam and I will be in the kitchen to give you some privacy. Just so you know, we’ve never watched it. It’s for you, and only
you.”
She waited until they’d left before focusing on the screen. Bracing herself, she hit the Play button. Tears blurred her vision
even as his voice filtered through her pain.
My Tay. I know we made plans for our lives, but if you’re looking at this, it means that God has given me a different assignment.
Taylor, you have been the joy of my life.
I remember when we were kids, and I thought you were the smartest, bravest, and prettiest girl in the world.
I still do. Sweetheart, you have the most amazing heart—so loving and giving.
I want you to promise me that if God gives you another opportunity to share your heart, you’ll take it.
I need to know you’ll be okay. Don’t be afraid to open your heart again, baby.
Regardless, my family will always be there for you.
My brothers all promised to look out for you, and I’m trusting them to keep that promise.
Of course, Tariq added that he’d make sure you have everything you need.
I will always love you, and you will always be my Tay. Until we meet again . . .
Taylor paused the video and placed her hand on the screen as tears streamed down her face. She didn’t think she could take
a chance with her heart again.