Chapter 33 Giselle
Giselle
Giselle sat in a chair on one of the back decks, staring out over the lake and thinking about the previous night. She’d really
made a mess of things. Everyone seemed to be avoiding her, and outside of a brief greeting, Taylor and Chanel had little to
say to her. She’d caught a glimpse of Tariq with Imani on the small playground. If he saw her, he didn’t acknowledge her.
But then, why would he after the way she’d treated his wife? For ten years I’ve tried to be a good husband to you, Giselle, but sometimes I feel like you don’t love me the way I love
you. I don’t know what to do with that right now. Tonight, you crossed a line that I’m not sure can be erased. Shawn’s words kept coming back to her. What if he decided he wanted out? In their ten-year marriage, she and Shawn had never
slept apart, except for a few times when he had to travel for his job. Yet last night he’d walked out, and now it was close
to two in the afternoon and she had yet to see him. And it scared her. Not because she worried about going back to the times
in her life when she had to struggle, not knowing how she’d make ends meet, but because she loved him. He’d been right, however.
She hadn’t allowed herself to love him like she should.
His words had made her take a good look at herself. Giselle didn’t like what she’d found. The magnitude of what she’d done slammed into her with such force, it made it hard to breathe.
She spotted Taylor and Damon walking along the lake’s edge below and holding hands. Giselle was glad to see Taylor being able
to move on after Austin. For so long, they all worried that she would never be able to move past the pain. But Damon, with
his quiet spirit and tender ways, had been a godsend in more ways than one. But Giselle had been so focused on not letting
Kamryn one-up her that she hadn’t been there for Taylor like she should have. Sure, she’d visited, texted, and called after
Austin’s death, but she could have done more, especially since Taylor’s father had declined so much that it likely wouldn’t
be long before she lost him too. She’d never let herself get as close to Taylor or Chanel as she should have.
“I wondered where you were.”
Giselle glanced over her shoulder to see Mama Yvonne coming toward her. She didn’t even know what to say to her. Her mother-in-law
sat in the chair next to her.
“Pretty rough night, huh?”
The flood dam broke and she cried, “I’m so sorry. I messed up everything, the celebration, and now Shawn is probably going
to leave me. What am I going to do? I was so wrong.”
“I won’t lie and say this isn’t a big mess, but the good thing is there’s always forgiveness and the ability to start fresh.”
Mama Yvonne went silent for a moment. “I heard all the things your mother said to you the day of your wedding.”
Her head snapped around. Oh no! That day, her mother had been in rare form—congratulating her for “marrying up” and telling her how she needed to make sure
they stayed together because his family was well off, while at the same time criticizing her for her choice of a dress that
she felt wasn’t flattering, and reminding her how lucky she was that a man like Shawn had even paid attention to her. Giselle had no response, so she kept quiet.
“Honestly, I was torn between bursting in the door and telling your mother just how I felt or having my son cancel the wedding.
But I couldn’t do that to him because he loves you.”
She didn’t think she could feel any worse than she already did, but she’d just been proven wrong in spades. In some ways,
she wished Mama Yvonne had burst through the door to tell her own mother what someone should have told her years ago. The tears fell faster. “I love
Shawn. I promise I love him.”
Mama Yvonne patted her hand. “Oh, I don’t doubt that you love him, but you haven’t really let him love you the way he’d like,
and for some reason, I don’t think you’ve let yourself do the same. Shawn is probably the most reserved of my sons, but he
loves hard and carries his hurts deeper.”
“I hurt him, and now . . .” Giselle couldn’t finish the sentence. “I don’t know how to fix this.” Not only him, but Kamryn,
Tariq . . . the list kept growing. “For so many years, my mother drilled into my head that I had to dumb myself down for my
man and cater to him to ensure that he stayed—don’t question his decisions, make sure you’re home on time, never complain,
keep quiet. She criticized everything I did and always made me feel less than. My sisters did the same.” Giselle could finally
admit to herself that she was a mess inside. “I promised myself that I’d never be like them, but then I turned around and
treated Kamryn the same way.” She had internalized all of the negative words hurled at her over the years and been as critical
and judgmental as they’d been to her.
“Baby, I’m so sorry you had to deal with all of that growing up, but you don’t have to let their choices be yours.
You have a family here who loves you. As hard as it will be, it is fixable.
Will it require work and honesty? Absolutely.
But it can be done. Aaron and I will be here to support and help you in any way we can. ”
“I wish I’d had you for a mother while growing up,” she blurted, then clamped her jaw shut. She’d been thinking it but hadn’t
planned to actually say the words out loud.
Mama Yvonne chuckled. “I always hoped you’d come to me. There were several times when I wanted to approach you, but Aaron
stopped me. He reminded me that you had to make the first move—otherwise it might have come off as if I was trying to interfere
with your marriage. He was right.” She gave Giselle’s hand a little squeeze. “We’re a family, and we will survive this. Make
amends, Giselle. Let yourself fall completely in love with your husband and get to know your sisters-in-law. You might be
surprised.” She stood, placed a motherly hand on Giselle’s cheek, and kissed her temple. “I’ll be around if you need to talk
later.”
After her departure, Giselle sat for a few minutes longer, trying to gather her courage to do what needed to be done. She
figured she should start with Kamryn. It would be much harder when it came to Shawn. Sending up a silent prayer, she left
the deck and went in search of her sister-in-law.
Giselle found her sitting on the front porch’s swing. Fear gripped her, but she forced her feet to keep moving. As soon as
she stepped out, Kamryn looked up.
“You know what, I’m not in the mood to deal with more of your crap.” Kamryn made a move to stand.
“Please. Don’t leave. I just want to talk.”
Kamryn eyed her warily, then eased back down but said nothing else.
Giselle wrung her hands, then rubbed them up and down her sides. “Um, I want to apologize. I was wrong.”
“If this is some little ploy to try to sweep everything you’ve put me through under the rug, you can save it.”
She had known this wouldn’t be easy. “It’s not. I promise.” She sat in one of the chairs a short distance away. “The entire
time I was growing up, my mother always made me feel like I never measured up, like nothing I did was ever good enough. When
I married Shawn, I experienced what real family love looked like. For the first time, I felt like I mattered. Then when Tariq
introduced you, and everyone was raving about your cooking, and I saw how easily you fit in with everyone and bonded immediately
with Taylor, it took me back to those times. My sisters were always close, and I was like the kid standing outside the candy
shop looking in and wishing I could have a piece. I was worried that you would steal all the love that I had received. Crazy,
I know, but having never been surrounded with that kind of affection, in some ways you were a threat. I didn’t believe that
there was enough love to go around, that I could still have a place in their hearts.”
“I never tried to make you feel that way, Giselle. I only wanted to get to know you—for us to be sisters. You accused me of
always taking over, but I never tried to do that. You’re the one who kept saying the nasty things, especially when it came
to my wedding. You made insinuations about my choice of dress and questioned my ability to plan my own wedding just because
you’d had one and you ‘know what it takes.’” She made quote marks in the air.
“I know,” she whispered tearfully. “This isn’t on you, it’s on me.”
“Since you’re so interested in planning something, maybe you should think about making it a career.”
“I never thought about that.” After a few tense seconds, she said, “I also want to say that I wasn’t trying to go after Tariq and I’m sorry for all the stuff I said.
I’ve thought a lot about it and I finally realized it was about me seeing how open and affectionate he is with you and wanting the same in my own marriage.
” So many times over the years, whenever Giselle caught them sharing an intimate moment, it evoked a longing inside of her.
However, because she’d never seen it growing up, she had no idea how to even begin voicing that desire to Shawn or how to be that free with her emotions.
“I don’t want to lose this family,” Giselle whispered emotionally.
“And I . . . I want to try to be the sister I was supposed to be in the first place. I’m not even sure how to do that, because my real sisters only see me as a means to get something.
I watch how close you, Taylor, and Chanel are, and I want to be part of it, but I don’t know how.
” For a long moment, Kamryn said nothing.
It seemed like hours passed before Giselle heard her sigh.
“I need to think about it.” Kamryn stood and went inside.
What if she says she doesn’t forgive me? What then?
After another restless night alone in her room, Giselle went to sit out on the deck. She’d seen very little of Shawn, and
everyone seemed to be keeping their distance. She couldn’t blame them, though. Only Mama Yvonne and Papa Aaron continued to