Chapter Four
Not Gon' Cry
Mitchell
After parking my truck in my driveway, I walk right next door to El’s.
Tonight was book club night. The driveway is empty, but that didn’t mean anything. The ladies hardly ever drive to book club because, let’s be honest, they probably consume more wine than they talk about books.
As soon as I step onto the porch, I can understand why she isn’t answering her phone. The music is so loud I can hear it from here. I rap my knuckles on the door, but I doubt they’ll be able to hear me. Either way, I wait a few minutes before using my key to walk inside.
The music is loud enough to cause permanent damage, but I doubt they care. All six women are standing in the middle of the room with random objects used as microphones as they sing loudly with the woman on the speaker.
“That’s right, Mary,” Pam shouts. “Tell him you’re not gon’ cry no more.”
This seemed to get the women excited as they shouted and cheered. Jada turns around and spots me.
“Oh, look, Mitch is here.” All the women turned to face me. Jada grabs her phone off the coffee table, and seconds later the music cuts.
“Hey ladies.”
“Hi Mitch,” they all say in unison.
I have to admit, every single one of these women is beautiful in their own right. However, no one compares to El. Even with her puffy eyes and red nose, she still takes my breath away.
“Alright, ladies. Backup is here. We can head out now,” Jada announces. “Mitch, look after our girl.”
I watch as the women dig around for their phones, probably to call their rideshares.
“Oh, I have to get my baby,” Kyra says suddenly, as if she just remembered.
“I got her. Don’t worry.” I head to the back of the house toward El’s bedroom. I know exactly where baby girl will be.
This isn’t my first book club rodeo. Ari is fast asleep on El’s bed. I gently lift her up. She whimpers for only a second before placing her head on my shoulder and falling back to sleep. I take the baby back up the hall.
“I’m telling you, Ella, this is going to work. I’ll call you as soon as Jameel lets me know a date.”
I wasn’t sure what Jada was talking about, but whatever it was, I could tell that El was nervous about it. She was picking at her thumbnail; it’s the telltale sign she’s nervous.
“I don’t know, Jay. I don’t think this is going to work.”
Meagan walks up to her as I help Kyra buckle her daughter into the car seat.
“No, we are not backing down. You’re doing this.”
“Damn right she is,” Destiny chuckles.
“My ride's here,” Pamela says before walking over to Ella and giving her a hug. “You are beautiful inside and out. You need this.”
Ella only ducks her head. I head to the door to wait for Pamela. Her driver is a woman. I make eye contact with her and wave.
“Bye, Mitch,” Pamela sings, walking out past me.
“Have a good night, Pamela. Text Ella and let her know you made it home safe.”
Before Pamela could climb into her ride, another driver pulled in. This time it’s a man. I make sure he sees me before I help Kyra and baby girl into the car.
I watched each woman leave, making sure they were safe. The last to go is Jada. She stops right as she steps past me out the door. She glances back through the house as if she’s looking for Ella before looking back at me.
“Tonight’s going to be rough for her. Keep her company.”
“I got her, Jada.” Always.
I left that last part out, but by the way Jada’s dark brown cat-shaped eyes stare back at me, you would think she heard it. Finally, she dips her head and walks down the porch to get into the car. I wait until the driver’s taillights fade before I shut the door and go back inside.
Ella is busy picking up the remnants of their night.
“El, leave that stuff. I’ll get it.” I take the empty tray out of her hands.
Immediately, she breaks down crying. Placing the tray onto the end of the couch, I pull El into me. Her head stops right at my chest. I wrap my arms around her, taking in her vanilla and chocolate scent.
“He’s getting married, Mitch. He swore to me it wasn’t about another woman. He said he never wanted to be married.”
I shut my eyes to tamp down my anger. I could fucking kill Andrew. If I had known he’d fuck up her heart this badly, I would’ve never stepped back in high school so he could have her. I would have fought for her then.
Placing my hand on the back of her head, I held her close to my chest. I don’t look for flowery words to ease her hurt. I allow her to spew her feelings. Nothing I can say right now will make her feel better.
About five minutes later, her sobs turned into sniffles. My shirt is soaked, but I don’t care. If all I can be for her at the moment is a shoulder to cry on, I’ll accept that.
Finally, she leans away from me, wiping her eyes and runny nose.
She shakes her head and laughs. “God, I’m a mess. I bet you think I’m so stupid for crying over that man.”
Grabbing her as she tries to walk away, I turn her back to me. “You’re not stupid. And you’re crying over a man you've been with since you were fifteen. You have a right to feel hurt.”
She drops her head and shakes it. “I’m so tired of crying. Tired of feeling like I wasn’t good enough. Like I failed to make him happy.”
I led her to the couch, where she took a seat. Sitting down beside her, I pull her into me. She leans her head on my shoulder; her feet tucked under her.
“I understand where you’re coming from. After Val and I split, I felt as if I’d failed too.”
It wasn’t a lie. Although I couldn’t wait to end my marriage with Val, I still went through moments where I questioned myself. So, I understand where she’s coming from.
“The girls think it’s time I dated again.”
My entire body goes rigid. Thankfully, she doesn’t seem to notice. Look, I knew that at some point El would get back out there and date. This woman was incredibly gorgeous. Despite what she thought of herself. However, I didn't think it would be so soon.
The moment another man comes along, I imagine all the time I spend with her will have to end. I know if I were her man, I wouldn’t want another guy at her house every damn day. I don’t care who he was. But that’s the selfishness in me. I can’t keep her to myself forever; it isn’t right.
“What do you think?” It takes me a few minutes to get that sentence out of my dry mouth.
She shrugs. “I don’t know. I mean, I want to be loved again. But let’s be honest, I doubt that will happen.”
I turn to look down at her, my brows pinched in confusion. She lifts her head slightly to look up at me.
“Why the hell wouldn’t it?”
Lifting her head up she leans her back against the couch, staring at me.
“Look at me, Mitch. I don’t really give catch of the day.”
“You’re not a gotdamn fish, El. You’re a woman.”
She rolls her eyes. “I’m an out of shape thirty-eight-year-old mother of two.”
This is the shit I don’t like. How can this woman look at herself in the mirror and not see how fucking beautiful she is?
“You’re perfect.” Those two words come out in an angry growl.
Her eyes narrowed, and her head slunk back as if I had nudged it. Running a hand down my face, I try to clear my frustration. I didn’t mean for that to come out so harshly.
“I’m saying, don’t talk like that about yourself. There is nothing wrong with you.”
Her face relaxes, and she goes back to leaning her head on my shoulder.
“Thank you. But this dating thing will not be easy.” She scoffs. “I’m so desperate I made a profile on one of those dating apps.”
Once again that rigid feeling runs through me.
“I’m sure you’ll get a shit ton of matches. Just wait.” The words felt like razor blades coming out.
As much as I hated this, Val was right. No matter how badly I wanted El, it would never happen. Drew and I aren’t as close as we were, but I couldn’t cross that line.
“Well, if I don’t, I can always take my mom up on her offer to set me up with Deacon Randall.”
My brows bunch. “Deacon Randall?”
“Yeah.”
“He sounds like an old man.”
She chuckles. “He’s in his late fifties, but apparently he has a good pension. And on the upside, I doubt I’d have to worry about him cheating on me.”
“Of course you wouldn’t. Just hide his dick pills and he’d never be able to get it up.”
She tosses her head back and laughs. There wasn’t a sound I loved more than Ella’s laugh. It wasn’t dainty or cutesy. It's the loudest, most authentic belly laugh you’ll ever hear. And when something is really funny, she snorts.
Right on time, the first snort comes in.
A huge grin breaks across my face. That night, she and I sat on the couch talking for hours.
Eventually, she fell asleep on my shoulder.
I knew that I’d be uncomfortable all night sleeping sitting up, but I didn’t care.
To stay by her side, I'll risk the back pain.