Chapter Twenty-Three #2
A soft knock on my front door has me hurrying over to open it. Standing on my porch with a red face and puffy eyes, is Ella. Taking my time, I look her over, making sure there weren’t any marks on her body. I know Drew would never lay his hands on her, but I wasn’t taking any chances.
“Are you okay, baby? Are you hurt?” I tug her into the house and shut the door behind her.
She shakes her head no, but tears pour down her cheeks.
“They hate me. They hate me so much.”
My heart breaks for her pain. This is what Devon was warning me about. It’s why I spent three weeks trying to let her go only to find out I can’t fucking breathe without this woman.
“Ella, I’m so sorry.” I wrap my arms around her.
She returns the gesture, wrapping her arms around my waist. Her body shakes as she sobs into my stomach.
I shush her, trying to calm her down. “It’s okay. I promise it will be okay. We just need to give them time. They will come around.”
“And what if they don’t?”
“Then we will have to respect their feelings and move accordingly.”
She pulls away, looking up at me with a frown on her face.
“You want me to abandon my kids?”
“What? No, I’m just saying if the boys aren’t okay with this, we have to respect their feelings. But they’ll have to get over it.”
She steps away, raking her fingers through the front of her hair. “They are my kids, Mitchell. I’m not just going to ignore their feelings.”
Before I speak, I take in her expression. Her shoulders are tight, her face pinched. She’s in defense mode. I understand her fear of losing her boys, but something else is going on.
“Is this about the boys, or Drew?”
Her eyes widened before going back to normal. “It’s about this not being as easy as you’re making it seem.”
“No, I’m not making it seem like anything. It is easy. We are adults.”
“Adults with responsibilities. It’s not just me that's affected by this, Mitch. AJ isn’t speaking to me, for goodness' sake. They both left to go with their dad.” She scoffs and shakes her head. “Andrew was right. I’m going to have to choose.”
Her words hit me like a bullet to the heart. Once again, Ella was allowing Drew to manipulate and rule her. She was doing it without even knowing it.
“So it is about Drew.”
“Are you even listening to me? This isn’t about him. It’s complicated.”
I don’t speak right away. I just watch her.
All these years, I’ve always chosen Ella.
Whenever she’s needed me, I’ve dropped everything to help.
Even in their divorce, I chose her over Drew.
I don’t regret that decision. There is nothing I wouldn’t do for this woman.
I love her that much. But this time, she was going to have to choose me.
If I truly thought this was about the boys, I’d step back and allow her time to fix the issue. But I know Ella. Although AJ being angry is bothering her, this is about Drew. It’s about him telling her she had to choose .
I take a step back, holding my arms out at my sides before dropping them back down. “What will it be then, Ella? He said you have to make a choice. So choose.”
Her tears fell faster, her shoulders shaking with sobs.
“Don’t do this. Please.”
Despite the screaming in my head that this is a bad idea, I push forward. Because I needed this more than she did.
“I have loved you since I was fifteen. For twenty-three years, I’ve sat in the shadows watching you love my best friend, silently fighting a broken heart. I can’t go back to that. I can’t go back to waiting for you to see me and be with me. Not after having you.”
Her sobs grew louder. Her face is covered in tears. Everything in me wants to go to her. To pull her into me and console her, but not this time.
“What do you want?”
“I don’t know.” She shouts. She’s cried so much her nose is running, and along with her tears, snot is resting on her chin.
“Yes, you do, baby. What Do. You. Want?”
She shakes her head. “Don’t do this.”
I try a different approach. “Do you love me?”
She nods and swipes at the snot running from her nose.
“Then make your decision.”
She takes a step toward me; her hands out in a prayer pose. “I just need time.”
I drop my head at her words. Without even realizing it, she’s decided. I didn’t need her words to tell me she wasn’t choosing me. I fight the burning in the back of my throat. They all said it. They knew this would be the outcome.
“She will always choose me.” Drew had said.
“You think she would want you over a lawyer?” Valerie had sneered.
Their words ran through my mind, making it painfully clear that they were right. The one woman I wanted more than anything in this entire world does not want me.
“I love you,” I say looking back at her. “But I’m done waiting.”
“Mitchell, please,” she begs and her sobs grew louder.
I fight against my instincts. Walking past her to my front door, I swing it open.
“Go home, Ella.”
“Just give me time, I...” she reaches for me, but I step away.
“Go.” I don’t raise my voice. No matter how hurt I am or how much it feels as if my lungs are slowly losing oxygen, I don’t dare take it out on her.
Ella sobs, clutching her chest. “I’m sorry,” she says one last time before turning and rushing out of the house. The moment the door closes behind her, I let it all wash over me.
“Fuck,” I roar up to the ceiling.
Clutching my head, I walk over to the couch and drop down. The first tear dropped from my eyes, and then the rest continued to flow. I’ve never felt heartbreak like this before.