25. Delia
Twenty Five
Delia
D wyer’s class is brutal. He pushes us all to dig deep, to find and understand the meaning in the reading assignments he gives us. Langdon smiled at me when I came in. His foot rests on the back of my chair leg. Every once in a while, it taps out a nervous beat, vibrating me. At the end of class, I grab my bag and turn to Langdon.
“You look a little better today,” he says quietly.
“Feel it too. Might even go to work.” Langdon smiles and my insides slosh around.
“See ya,” I sputter.
Miles in period two, and Lyra in three, each give me big bear hugs and proclaim that I look less like a zombie today. I don’t tell them about Langdon lying in bed with me or that I’m pretty sure he’s the reason I finally fell asleep. I do apologize and tell them I’m sorry and that we need a food date, preferably at the diner, stat so I can tell them why I checked out the first week of school.
They both agree and it works out because if we do dinner after work, I’ll have a ride home and then Heath doesn’t have to come and get me. He’s already done a lot for me considering a couple of weeks ago, he lived alone and we’d never met.
At lunch, Langdon does the weird thing again where I sit alone and he sits a table away with his gang of popular friends and sneaks glances at me. Each time I feel his eyes boring holes into my head I look up, catch him staring, and refuse to look away. He loses the staring contest every time, but especially when Hailie notices him looking at me and elbows him while simultaneously glaring at me. I never meet her glare though, I keep my gaze on Langdon, to make him squirm. It almost feels right. Normal for a while. Staring at him makes me think less about my mom. Where she is, what she’s doing, why she left.
The bus drops me at the corner of Main and RootBound. The pre-fall breeze whips down the street, rustling leaves. The sidewalks are crowded today with people popping in and out of shops. Laughing, chatting, carefree. It makes me angry for a moment as I head to RootBound.
“Delia! Oh, it’s so good to see your face, honey,” Viv coos as I walk in the store. Her smiling face snaps me out of my funk.
“Hi.” I wave. “Hoping I still have a job.” I hope I look as sheepish as I feel .
Vivianna gesticulates wildly. “Oh stop that. Of course. I can’t count on Langdon to get things done. He’s not exactly front register material personality-wise, if ya catch my drift.”
I stifle a snort. “Thanks, Viv. I’m really sorry I was out.”
“Can’t help a cold darling.”
I stiffen. A cold? “Uh. What do you mean?”
“I mean, when Heath called to tell me you were sick, I just felt so bad. The first week of school too. Terrible timing.”
I put my bag down in her office. Gramps lied for me. Honestly, it doesn’t seem like something he’d do in general but maybe he had his reasons.
Regardless, Viv’s too nice for a lie so I decide to tell her the truth.
Langdon pokes his head in from the greenhouse and beams at me. It makes my stomach flip-flop. “Hey. You made it.”
I smirk at him. “From what Viv says, just in the nick of time too.”
Langdon glares at me before swinging his gaze to Viv. “Really?”
“Oh, you two. So competitive. You each have different… strengths.” Vivianna laughs as Langdon rolls his eyes and ducks back into the greenhouse.
“Viv. Can we talk quick?” I ask.
Vivianna cocks her head at me, squints her eyes and motions to close the office door behind me.
“Everything ok?” she asks. My heart aches. My stomach lurches. My throat closes over a lump. The little rotten seed of anxiety that my mom will never return takes root. The root needs to be pulled from its spot and removed.
“I wasn’t sick. My mom left and I kinda lost it. I mean I’m still losing it, but…” my voice falters as my eyes well and I stop talking.
“What do you mean left?” she asks.
I shrug. “I mean, I went to school Monday, and she blew me a kiss and when I got home she was gone. The van. All our stuff. Gone. She’s not answering her phone. She just… left.”
Vivianna hands me a tissue, which I’m grateful for.
“Thanks.”
“Oh honey, I’m so sorry. Come here.” She opens her arms and surprisingly, I allow myself to fall into them. She hugs me tightly and lets me cry for a moment. “Listen, today the shop needs a good scrub. Cleaning always distracts me from life’s problems. Why don’t you do that for a while? Put on the radio behind the register and just scrub away.”
I nod. “Thanks Viv.”
***
“If you scrub any harder, that countertop is going to come clean off.”
I jump, startled, and look at Vivianna. “Sorry.”
She leans against the wall and crosses her arms. “No need to apologize, just don’t tunnel through my countertop.”
I lean my hip on the counter and sigh. “Viv. Do you know about Heath and my mom?”
“I know she left once before, yes.” She nods.
“And you know that I basically just met him right? Heath, I mean. He knew I existed. Mom told me we had no family. I had no idea about him until we showed up here.”
Vivianna looks shocked. “Okay.”
“It’s… I mean, I’m struggling.” My voice cracks but I pull it together. “My mom is all I know. She was my only family until a couple weeks ago. But Gramps, he’s treating me weird. Not mean, just, he doesn’t really talk to me when we’re in the house together and it’s awkward.”
What I don’t say is that most of the lights inside me feel like they have been turned off. Most of the rooms where I used to take up space, to enjoy and laugh and exist have closed up. I’ve become an abandoned dwelling with only its porch light on.
Vivianna sidles up to me and places a hand on my shoulder. “You said you’re struggling right?” I nod. “Well, have you considered that he knows exactly how you feel? That he’s probably feeling the same thing you are? And to boot, he’s already gone through this once before.”
Tears trickle down my face as I shake my head. “I didn’t consider that.”
Vivianna laughs quietly and pulls me into her side. “You’re a teenager. It’s not often anything besides yourself is considered. Par for the course at your age.” She pats my arm. “Don’t beat yourself up about it, but give the man a little break,” she says, holding an inch of vacant space between her thumb and index finger. “You both lost her and you’re both virtual strangers to each other. It will get easier.”
“Did you know her? My mom? I mean, before?”
Vivianna shakes her head. “Sorry kiddo. Nope. I didn’t move here until four years ago. Didn’t even know Heath and Maeve had a daughter until Olivia’s accident.”
I sniffle. “Who’s Olivia?”
“Oh, shoot.” Vivianna pulls away from me and holds me at arm’s length by my shoulders. She glances nervously toward the greenhouse and lowers her voice. “That’s a question for another day.”
I finish up in the shop and Viv asks me to help Langdon in the greenhouse for the last forty-five minutes. I’m nervous to be alone with him. I don’t know why. He’s been in my bed.
We aren’t school friends, but here at work, he’s more playful. I don’t understand it. It’s some weird game that only he knows the rules too and honestly, I’m so exhausted I can’t even muster up enough energy to care today.
“I brought you something,” Langdon says, his hand hidden within his back pocket.
I blink, surprise mixed with something sweet, twisting in my chest. “You did?”
He shrugs. So casual, so blase. His hand holds out an iPod. An old-school iPod. Skinny, thin and rectangular.
“It’s an iPod.”
I reach out to take it from him and when our fingers touch in passing a little zap of electricity shoots straight to my nipples. “I can see that. Why is it for me?”
“You don’t have a phone and it got me thinking, how do you listen to music? And then my brain ran down the rabbit hole of how much music makes me feel better when I’m going through shit and rounded back to, how do you listen to anything without a phone?” he stammers all in one breath. I try—poorly—to hide my smile.
“I mean, the radio generally. There’s a radio in my room. Not that I’ve turned it on.” I clutch the iPod in my hand and stare down at it.
“Well, that’s loaded with music, and um, if you have requests, you can let me know and I can put them on for you. But unlike a radio, it’s portable.” He shuffles his feet. “If you don’t—”
“No. I want it,” I say and grin at him.
“Cool. The charger’s in my backpack and headphones too.”
Langdon takes off to his bag and I stand and stare at the tiny device in my hand. My belly flutters a little at the sweet gesture. At the fact that Langdon was thinking about me. He hands me the headphones and charger and our fingers brush again. He quickly pulls his hand back like he felt the static shock too.
I tuck a strand of hair behind my ear. “Thanks. This is really nice of you.”
“I’m just happy you don’t look like the walking dead today.”
I quirk an eyebrow at him. “You saying I look good?”
Langdon scoffs and fidgets with his shirt. “Not even a little bit. You just don’t look like a corpse . Still a long way to go to good.”
I reach out my free hand and shove his shoulder. He takes a step back and feigns injury.
“Rude,” he snorts.
I shrug.
“You need a ride?” he asks, glancing at the wall clock .
I bite my lip and deliberate. I don’t need a ride, but I do want one with him .
I shake my head. “Nope, headed to meet Lyra and Miles for dinner.”
Langdon deflates—just a little. “Oh. Cool.”
I almost invite him to join us.
“But hey, thanks again. I’ll let you know how bad your taste in music is at dinner, Sunday.” I turn toward the office to grab my bag but stop short. “Is Sunday dinner still on? I mean now that…”
“Now that…what?” he grins at me. “It’s just you and Heath? Cause we’ve been doing Sunday dinner with only Heath forever. So yeah. Headcount doesn’t matter. See you.”
“Tell Anderson we got a new puzzle for him.”
I wave as Langdon’s grin widens and his dimples appear as I head to the office to tuck my gift from Langdon in my bag before I walk to the diner.