39. Delia
Thirty Nine
Delia
I ’m standing outside his bedroom door waiting for him to let me inside. He opens the door and lets me in and then I’m trapped. Unable to leave him or his room.
I wake with sweat between my breasts, my chest heaving like I’ve been sprinting. The pull to Langdon is so strong, but giving in to the fear of what that might actually do to me, is crushing. I’m afraid if I give in to the feelings they’ll annihilate me or that he doesn’t feel the same, that I’d be some convenient secret fling to him.
I take a too-long, too-hot shower, get ready for school and text Miles and Lyra asking how bad I should expect it to be when I show up today. They assure me I shouldn’t worry but I’m not sure I believe them .
Miles nudges my shoulder as I walk down the hall. Everyone’s chatting, it makes a weird white noise.
“Have you seen her yet?”
“Who? Lyra?” I ask.
He shakes his head. “Kaeli, new girl.”
“I thought I was New Girl?” I laugh.
“It’s a banner year apparently. You’ve been promoted to Delia. Kaeli is now New Girl.” This explains the extra chatter this morning in the halls. Fresh blood. I sigh. At least it makes me and Hailie old news. I’ll take it.
“I haven’t seen her. I haven’t seen anyone yet. I just walked in.”
“Rumor has it she’s in your English class.”
“Rumor has it that I don’t care, Miles. Let’s not treat the new girl like ya’ll treated me. Kaeli is probably a nice, sweet, nervous girl. Transferring sucks.”
Miles looks at me. “Mmmhmm. Sure.”
I swat at his arm. “Don’t be rude. I’ll see you later.”
I push into Mr. Dwyer’s room and nearly knock someone over. She’s petite. Brunette and has very pretty wide eyes.
“Shit. Sorry,” she mumbles.
I smile. “No big deal. I didn’t hurt you, did I?”
She gives a shy smile. “No. I was staring at the hot guy in the back like an idiot, blocking the door.” I glance to the back of the room. Langdon lifts his chin at me and I smile wider. “Oh, you know him,” she says.
“Um, yeah. That’s Langdon. I sit right in front of him. There’s an empty seat though, over there.” I point to the one desk left in the room. I’m Delia.”
“Kaeli,” she says.
“I know. Trust me, everyone already knows your name. Small town. Really small town.”
“Thanks. Noted.”
I push past her and take my seat before pulling my notebook and a pen out. Glancing over my shoulder I see Kaeli resting her chin on the heel of her hand staring at Langdon. Gross. Then I notice him staring back.
My stomach rolls and anger starts to bubble.
***
I leave the cafeteria at lunch as Kaeli is called over to sit at Langdon’s table. Hailie isn’t here today but her little minions smelled new blood and immediately pounced. She’s wedged between Langdon and Niko. Her shoulders pressed against each of theirs as if she grew up with them. As if she’s been there all along. She says something and the whole table bursts into laughter. Langdon shoots me a look as I pass by.
I walk faster.
I see Lyra in the hall. She calls out to me but ignore her. I go straight to the pool. The humidity and smell of chlorine instantly relieve my sour mood some. I stare at the water and huff. I’m irritated. Bruised. She’s beautiful. New. Shiny. Why wouldn’t Langdon be interested in getting to know her? Maybe even date her. A fresh wave of jealousy hits as the doors behind my clang closed.
“Hi there. Pools closed.” It’s a voice I’m not familiar with. I spin around, slap a smile on my face .
“Sorry. Just needed somewhere quiet. If I had a suit though, you’d be pulling me from the pool.”
“You swim?”
I nod.
The older man holds out his hand. I shake it. “Mr. Miller. I coach the swim team.”
I blink twice. “Oh. Hi. Nice to meet you. I’m Delia. I’ll be joining the team next month.”
Coach Miller grins and releases my hand. “Can’t wait to have you. Have you swum before?”
“Yes. Since middle school.”
“What’re your events?” he asks.
I tuck my hair behind my ears. All my Langdon feelings fading into the humidity around us. “Hundred fly and Five hundred free and 200 IM.”
Coach Miller raises his brows. “That’s impressive. Looks like we may have a banner year this season.”
I give him a shy smile. “I didn’t say I was any good.”
“There isn’t a person on the planet who claims the hundred fly or five hundred free as their events willingly but aren’t good at them. Being good at them and admitting they’re your events go hand in hand,” he laughs.
I shrug. He’s got a point. I happen to be good at two events that most people loathe. “Fair. Hey, I have a question for you.”
“Shoot.”
“Any chance I can warm up a little preseason after school? I’d love to get in the water.”
Coach Miller glances around as if he’s about to tell me a secret. “I’m not supposed to but if you want forty-five minutes right after school, you can have Mondays and Tuesdays. Otherwise you’ll have to wait till the season starts.”
I smile wide. Today is Tuesday. “I’ll take it. See you after school.”
A flurry of joy whips through my veins. There is no better therapy than pounding the water. Just the sound of your breath, the water moving around you, and your thoughts to work out.
***
“What are you still doing here?” Langdon asks sliding up next to me in the parking lot. I jump not realizing he was near.
“I asked the coach if I could use the pool. I needed to swim. To just… I don’t know. Swim it out.”
“Swim what out?”
“Life?” I shrug.
Langdon laughs. “I get that. Not with swimming but, you know, diving. The concentration forces me out of my own thoughts.”
I glance at him. “I hear you’re pretty good.”
He shrugs. “Do you want a ride home?”
I think it over briefly before nodding. “Sure. Let me call Gramps to let him know. I wasn’t sure what time I’d be done so he isn’t coming until I call him.”
“Everything okay?” he asks as I follow him to his truck.
Is it? I don’t know. I have no claim on you Langdon but I want to. I feel like I’m staring at a wall—a plain blank wall—expecting something incredible to magically happen. Waiting. Hoping. And then nothing does. It’s just a wall. I’m so tired and spent. Mentally drained. I pull my wet hair over one shoulder. It’s not fair to be mad at him. He hasn’t done anything wrong exactly.
“I’m fine. How’s the new girl?” I’m instantly irritated at myself for calling her that.
“She’s… fine.”
My calm, swimmed-out gut coils. “What does that mean?”
“Just that she will fit right in with Hailie and Campbell and friends.” Of course, she will.
“So with you. She’ll fit right in with you.” I state.
Again he shrugs. “Yeah, I guess. I don’t really care if I’m honest. She’s pretty and all but I kinda like someone else.”
“Oh yeah?” I ask.
Langdon opens my door for me, smirks and nods.
In the truck, I ask Langdon if he minds if I change quickly. He says not at all, which strikes me as funny but I crawl into the tiny back seat and start the awkward process of removing my borrowed team suit under my clothes.
“No peeking,” I say.
The sun is nearly set. Reminding me that besides swim season, I hate this time of year. I get moody when it’s dark out by five pm and still dark out when I wake in the morning. I’m a sunshine girl through and through.
I’m stuck as we hit a pothole. My arms are inside my sweatshirt and one strap of my wet suit is refusing to release my arm. In the rearview, I catch Langdon watching me change.
“Hey! Are you watching me?” I ask.
He shakes his head no. I shoot laser daggers at him from my eyeballs.
“Okay, maybe but only like, this much” Langdon pinches the air.
I snort. My arm slips out and I jab my arms through my sweatshirt sleeves. Well…actually…Langdon’s sweatshirt. Watching him in the mirror, with stealth I wasn’t sure I had, I get one leg out of the suit without flashing anyone and then tug the suit out of the opposite pant leg. Even though I’m commando, I feel a thousand times better than wearing a damp suit under clothes.
I fumble my way back to the front seat.
“Nicely done,” Langdon says with a smirk.
“You were totally hoping for a nip slip.”
“Can you blame me?” he asks.
Laughing, I shake my head. “I guess not. I admit I’m looking forward to seeing you in a Speedo this season.”
Langdon blushes and groans. “I hate them. Do you know what it’s like standing on a board in front of hundreds of people essentially naked? It’s embarrassing as hell.”
“I mean, yeah. My suit doesn’t cover much either.”
“Ok, but you’re in the water, and it certainly covers enough that it leaves me imagining. My nipples are on display for everyone, and the rest…well you basically know exactly what you’re getting. No imagination necessary. ”
My brain goes into overdrive imagining what Langdon looks like in a Speedo. I have to cross my legs to staunch the twinge I feel.
“Holy shit! Is Delia conjuring an imaginary picture right now?” He laughs.
My brow wrinkles and I force a frown. “Definitely not.”
Langdon grins. “You so were.”
He reaches over and puts his hand on my thigh and for a moment I’m certain I might spontaneously combust with lust and desire and mushy gushy feelings. Do I put my hand on his? He gives my thigh a squeeze and I almost moan. Do I pretend it’s not there at all? Suddenly I feel thirteen and unsure again.
“Hey,” I say, then clear my throat.
“Yeah?”
We pass front steps with Mums displayed and even some pumpkins out already. “Saturday, when I’m ungrounded…would you bring me to my Dad’s house? I just want to see it.”
Langdon is quiet a beat and then, “Okay. If you’re sure.”
“Why wouldn’t I be sure?” I ask.
He moves his hand from my thigh to the steering wheel and it makes me feel whiney. “Because it might be really emotional for you. Or sad. Or I don’t know, just—a lot.”
I press my skull into the headrest and sigh. “Yeah. But I want to know him any way I can and since that’s all there is that’s left, it’s all I have.”
“I get that.”
“Cool. Thanks. Does after work, work for you?”
“Should be fine.” He pulls into the driveway and puts the truck in park. “Night. ”
“Any big Peeping Tom plans later tonight?” I ask.
He slaps a hand over his face and drags it down. “Are you referring to the car ride or last night?” he asks.
A laugh bubbles out of me. “Last night but you were definitely peeping in the car too.”
“I will never live this down.”
I grin. “Nope,” I sing out.
He sighs and clears his throat. “I did sleep really good though when I got home.”
I clap his shoulder. “Sometimes weed is the answer. Don’t let anyone tell you differently.”
Langdon chuckles as I swing the door open and hop out. “Thanks for the ride, Peep.”
“Later,” he laughs.
I walk up the steps with a wide grin.