31. Chapter 31
thirty-one
“ D rink this.”
Willow took the pretty yellow teacup from Nana’s hands, then sipped at the perfectly steeped Earl Grey tea as her nana joined her on the couch.
“Thanks,” she said, feeling a little calmer now that she was in her nana’s living room. It had changed a great deal since she was young and would visit with her mom, but the feeling was still the same. She absolutely loved it there.
Maybe instead of opening the brewery, she should have just come for a visit. At least then, her life would still be intact.
“What’s wrong, Willow?” Nana asked, sinking into the floral couch beside her and rubbing a hand up and down her arm. “Your ruse didn’t work as you’d hoped?”
Willow shook her head, wanting to laugh at the irony. She was supposedly going there to take care of Nana, but here she was, being taken care of by Nana.
“No. It all blew up in my face.”
Nana’s eyebrow arched above her frameless glasses and she shook back her sleek gray bob.
“It can’t be that bad. At least you went after what you want. I’m proud of you for that.”
Willow’s eyebrows scrunched together. It wasn’t that out of character for her to go after what she wanted, was it? She was constantly pushing Doug to let her make new beers at work, and she wasn’t really what you’d call a pushover. Though it would be a stretch to say she was the master of her own destiny.
“Tell me what happened.” Nana said, searching deep in her eyes.
Willow sighed. “I don’t even know where to begin.”
Nana sat back and crossed one leg over the other. “Start at the beginning.”
Willow took a deep breath, then unloaded it all. She told her about the lying, about how freeing, yet scary, running her own brewery was, about Max and all the feelings he brought out in her, about how different he was from Shane, about Shane showing up and breaking up with her.
She even told her about the desk sex with Max in their office immediately afterward.
By the time she got to the end, she was in tears.
Nana nodded, thought for a moment as she passed Willow a box of tissues.
“Do you love Max?” she finally asked.
Willow blotted her eyes. “I’m supposed to be engaged to Shane.”
“Answer my question, Willow.”
She sagged. “Yes, I love him. Well, loved him. He was so horrible the last time we spoke.”
Nana nodded. “Why do you love him?”
She thought for a moment. “I just feel great when I’m with him, like I could take over the world and he’d be there next to me, cheering me on and threatening to kill anyone that got in my way.”
Nana’s brows shot up. “And you’d do the same for him?”
Willow immediately nodded. “Absolutely. I think we’re alike, in some ways.”
“How are you different?”
Willow huffed out an annoyed breath. “Well, for one, he’s an asshole.”
Nana laughed. “I’m seventy years old, and I still haven’t figured out what it is about assholes that makes them so damn appealing. My second and fourth husband was like that.”
Willow laughed. “Is that why you married him twice?”
Nana nodded. “I just kept getting drawn back in to his orbit.”
“Why did you divorce him?”
“Because the deeper in love he fell, the more controlling he became, and I just couldn’t take it. I thought he’d changed after the first time, but obviously, I was wrong,” she said with a shake of her head. “At least he’s dead now, so I can’t make the same mistake three times.”
Willow smiled, but it was fleeting. “Do you think being with Max would be a mistake?”
Nana thought for a moment. “If he respects your boundaries and doesn’t let his controlling get out of hand, then no. But you have to know what your boundaries are, Willow,” she said with a pointed look.
“What about Shane?”
Nana shrugged. “What about him?”
“He wants to get back together.”
Nana shook her head. “What do you want?”
“I told him I’d marry him.”
“But that was before.”
Willow’s chin dropped. “Yeah, before I lied to him. ”
Nana sat back, her eyes narrowing. “So you’re going to marry him because you lied to him?”
“Uh,” Willow said, her mind running. “No.”
"I can't tell whether you're people-pleasing or being manipulated."
“Neither. I’m following through on my commitments.”
Nana shook her head. “It seems like you’re saying yes to everything and everyone, and now all your yeses have come due, and you can’t make a decision because you’re going to have to let someone down, and that’s making you uncomfortable.”
Willow stared at her in shock. That seemed pretty accurate, actually. She had to admit she’d felt like a worn-out old rope in a tug-of-war match that was ready to break.
“Willow, you need to decide what you want, then stick to it. And you can't let Shane or Nikki or Max or anyone else shame you into changing your mind.”
“But I—”
“Every yes to one person is a no to someone else,” Nana said. Then she stood, picked up the empty teacups and left the room.
Willow sat staring at the wall, then slumped down, annoyed at how right her nana was.
Every yes she gave Mapleton was a no to Churchill, and vice versa. The yes to Nikki’s wedding was a no to her brewery. So it stood to reason that any yes she gave Shane would be a no to Max.
She flopped her head down onto the soft throw pillow in the corner of the couch.
Her feelings for Shane had felt forced for a long time, like a puzzle piece that didn’t quite fit. Whereas her feelings for Max had been effortless from the start. She clearly knew where her heart was, so why hadn’t she just gone for it?
Because it wasn’t just Shane versus Max. It was her whole life, her job, her only home, her dog, her friends; it was all of that versus a total fresh start in a new city.
A fresh start she’d never even really wanted.
And with people she’d known for only a few weeks.
She’d started this whole mess because she needed some fulfillment in her work. But once she started down that path and got some distance, it was easy to see all the flaws in her whole life. But that didn’t mean she wanted to throw the baby out with the bathwater. She loved living in Churchill, despite everything else.
The whole thing was complicated.
She was certain she didn’t want to give a yes to Shane if that meant a no to Max. But even though her feelings for Max had become pretty deep, he’d been so impatient and difficult and pressed her so hard that she couldn’t stand it.
And what about her friends? What about Nikki?
She wanted to give a yes to Nikki, even if that meant a no to her business. She was quite certain of that. But what would she do after Nikki’s wedding?
Her heart was telling her to go back and be with Max, but could she actually deal with his temper forever?
And was forever even something she wanted?
Nana came back into the room with fresh cups of tea and a plate of lavender cookies. “So, what have you decided?”
Willow huffed out a breath. There was only one thing she knew for certain.
“I want to go back to Churchill for Nikki’s wedding. She’s my friend, and I couldn’t live with myself if I ruined her wedding day.”
“Okay,” she said with a nod. “And after that?”
She sagged a little, her bravado waning. “I don’t know.”
Nana shrugged. “That’s okay, Willow. It’s a huge decision, and you should take your time with it. Don’t let the men in your life push you into anything. Make ’em wait,” she said with a wink.
Willow laughed. “And if they both decide I’m too much trouble and leave? ”
A wry smile came over Nana’s face. “Don’t underestimate the peace that being single affords you. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been.”
Willow smiled as her Nana held up her teacup, and they clinked glasses.
“Now, finish up your tea and have some cookies. We’ll go out for dinner.”
One good thing about saying yes to Mapleton: she’d be closer to Nana.
She stuck that as the first line in her pros and cons list, then thought about making a spreadsheet. God, a few weeks with Max and she was already making spreadsheets?
She rolled her eyes, downed her tea, and set aside the question that was now freshly burning in her mind.
Did Max belong in the pro column, or the con?