Chapter 19 #2
I think back to the group of people who gathered to watch my walk to the temple this morning, remembering the rich clothing they wore.
They were acting like divine followers and they certainly were not from the Gutter.
Which means that it is more than a ‘select few’ that have been told about the magic, or that the nobility are also believing the story told to the Gutter.
A Goddess reincarnated. They wouldn’t say that if they knew the truth of my power. In fact, it is so far from the truth that it makes me want to laugh aloud. However, I manage to wrestle my emotions into check as I see that the prince is not done with his explanation.
“Rune was never meant to exist,” Amir begins, but quickly pauses to gather his thoughts.
“One of my distant ancestors, King Rune, came here and positioned the gods to create him a city. They listened and agreed, but there were conditions that we had to meet. They would create the city and provide what was needed for us to survive, but in return, we had to worship the gods and provide magic and riches to sustain the city.” Eyes darkening, the prince’s gaze becomes heavy.
“Over the centuries, magic has begun to fade. We were almost fully out of magic when you were discovered.”
Slow, horrified realisation slides over me as I realise the implications of what he’s saying. Swallowing against the dry lump at the back of my throat, I couch to clear it. “So, without my magic…”
“The gods would destroy the city.” He confirms, our eyes locking.
His words are a punch to the gut. So that is why they are so desperate for my magic; to please the gods. Without me, everything would be destroyed. At least, that’s what they think. I am a fake, a fraud. None of this is to do with me, but the demon’s magic that I bargained my life for.
“Why does no one know this?” My breath is stolen from my throat, making my whispered question shaky. The city too close to the brink of destruction, yet none of the citizens know, blindly carrying on with their lives.
“It would create panic.” He watches me closely as he speaks, scanning my face for my emotions. “The reason we ban magic is that it’s easier for us to find magic users, as their own neighbours will turn them in, thinking them evil.”
A sour taste fills my mouth. All of those accused over the years who didn’t have that magic, what happened to them? They were never seen again and they couldn’t be released as it would go against the story the king feeds us all. So many victims, all to fuel their lie.
“You cannot really think that is a good idea? It is completely immoral. What about the innocents that were accused and killed by their own people before the guards could get to them?”
“No, I disagree with my father, but this is something passed down from king to king over the centuries and royalty are notoriously reluctant to change traditions. I have spoken with him about this, petitioning him to change the system, but there is no changing his mind.” Amir sighs, his entire stance changing as though he is carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders and I see something in him that I’ve only seen glimpses of previously.
Kindness and the desperate desire for change.
Tilting my head to one side, I watch him closely, seeing him in a new light. Perhaps not all of the royalty are as corrupt as I once believed. He genuinely seems to want to make a difference.
“When you are king, will you change things?”
I could be executed for asking something like this. The question is too probing, too personal, especially with the slight challenge that I pitch in my voice. However, I am quickly learning the Prince Amir is not like the rest of the nobility.
Gazes locked, I see the moment that he decides to speak candidly.
“There are many things I want to change when I rule. Our city needs to be better for everyone, not just the select few. Why should the bronze bands in the Gutter have to live by a different set of rules to the rest of the city? It isn’t fair, not to mention how the sullied are treated…
” Realising what he’s saying he snaps out of his passionate speech, glancing around as though to make sure no one else was around to hear him.
The gods assign the designations and his words are dangerously close to sounding sacrilegious.
Huffing a frustrated sigh, he runs his fingers through his hair, messing up the neat strands.
“I want to leave a positive mark on this city; I just don’t know how to do it. ”
Seeing him like this, raw, frustrated, it’s letting me see him in a new light.
Seeing his compassion makes me realise that he is human just like the rest of us.
He has wishes and desires, and is bound by the same rules despite his position of power.
Nobility often seem to be in entirely differently realm to the rest of us, not only separated by walls and distance, but metaphysically too.
As though their status makes them untouchable, almost god-like, and the royalty are no different. Their lives are far beyond our reach.
In this moment though, talking about his wishes to help his people, he’s stopped being Prince Amir to me, and become a real, tangible person.
“I am sure you will rule the city admirably, with your queen at your side.” Smiling warmly, I hope that he can see that I’m genuine with my praise.
Crossing over to the bench, he sits and rests his elbows on his knees. “I am not married, nor am I promised to anyone.”
My ears perk at the off note in his voice. Scanning his face, I see a frown pulling at his brow. There is something going on here, I just don’t know what. Clearing my throat, I walk over to the bench and sit beside him, angling myself so I can continue studying his expression.
“I thought I heard rumours that you were engaged to a princess from one of the desert clans.” I’m probing where I shouldn’t, but now he’s opened a part of himself to me I cannot help but want to know more.
“That did not work out.” He laughs awkwardly and rubs at the back of his neck. “The tribe wanted magical gems as payment, but we were unable to fulfill our side of the bargain so the marriage was called off.”
“Oh.” Well, this is awkward, especially considering that I am now the provider of said magical gems. “Well, now I’m here, you might be able to marry her still.”
Why do the words taste like acid on my tongue? An uncomfortable tightness wraps around my chest at the idea of the prince marrying one of the tribes daughters. I’m not jealous, I don’t wish to be married to the prince, yet there is something there that causes a part of me to protest.
At the end of the day, he needs to marry for his kingdom, so a princess from the tribes seems good enough as anyone. Plus, he seems sad that it was called off, but my production of the magical gems means that this could go ahead now.
Looking away from my intense stare, he gazes out over the fountain, although I get the impression he’s not really seeing it. “Yes. Perhaps,” he replies, shoulders slumping.
Well, that is not the response I was expecting. Maybe I was wrong and it wasn’t sadness that he couldn’t marry the princess that I sensed, but self-deprecation for not being able to serve his country in the way expected of him?
“You are not happy about this?”
Leaning forward, he shakes his head, still not looking at me.
“I always knew my Queen would be chosen for me as a political manoeuvre. Love matches are not common in royal marriages.” Snorting, he continues.
“I just hoped that with the deal broken, I might be given more choice. Don’t get me wrong, I will do what is needed for my country, but if I am to be married to one woman for the rest of my life, shouldn’t I have a say in who it is? ”
He is so passionate about his country and dedicating his life to his people, no matter the sacrifices, and all he asks in return is a say in his future partner.
Does he really have no voice? Amir is the crown prince.
He will be king someday, so it feels wrong that he is silenced this way.
From what he was saying previously, it sounds like his father doesn’t hear him anyway, so the likelihood that he will start now is slim.
Suddenly, I feel a kinship for him. It is easy to look up at the palace from the Gutter and make assumptions, to think the prince is one of the most powerful people in the city, yet he has less freedom that I did as one of the sullied. I may have lived in squalor, but my choices were my own.
“Oh. I hadn’t realised how trapped you were.”
My words seem to have an effect on him and he slowly sits up, mulling them over in his mind.
“Trapped is a good way of explaining it.” Huffing out a laugh, he attempts to shake off the feeling of melancholy that has settled over us.
“Anyway, things are shaping up to be much more interesting.” He smiles at me and it tugs something in my chest.
Me. He’s talking about me, his whole expression warming at he watches me.
He seems genuinely happy to be sitting here with me, and what he just shared is clearly something that has been weighing on him for a long time.
Amir chose me to share that with. Out of all of the people in the palace, he chose someone who was once sullied. That makes me feel… seen.
A deep ache in my chest reveals a shadowed, fractured part of me that I didn’t know existed.
The desire to be considered equal, to be seen as more than the gods rejected subject.
Amir is awakening that part of me, along with something I never thought I would need.
The desire to be loved. I am no fool, I know the prince doesn’t love me, but there is a spark in his eyes that tells me he sees me as a woman, and someone he is able to bond with.
I must be truly desperate, as an overpowering need takes over me, and leaning toward him, I press my lips against his.
I don’t know what I’m thinking or what is coming over me, but my body has taken control and is moving before my rational mind can stop me. As my mind starts to catch up though, I realise that perhaps I don’t want this to stop.
Amir makes a startled noise in the back of this throat and I almost pull back in horror as what I’m doing starts to sink in.
Cheeks reddening, I want to run and hide in shame, but he is suddenly returning the kiss before I can move.
It starts gently, light, fluttering kisses like the brush of a butterfly’s wing.
Soft fingers caress my arm, pulling me closer, and a deep noise of satisfaction emits from his chest. I didn’t realise it was possible to be turned on by a single noise, but it sparks an arousal through me in a tidal wave, washing away any sensible thought.
His lips press back against mine and I lean into him, feeling the slight weight of him against me.
A pressure against my lips has me opening my mouth, his tongue seeking entrance.
They collide, deepening the kiss as a hunger takes over me.
A bird of prey calls out loudly overhead, interrupting our moment as it circles in search of its next meal.
Suddenly, I remember where we are. I am alone in the palace gardens with the crown prince, kissing as though we are lovers.
What if someone saw us together? It might not have much of an implication for the prince, but it could change everything for me.
What in the name of the gods am I doing?
Gasping, I pull back and scramble off the bench as though I’ve been stung.
I need to put some distance between us before I let things go too far.
No, things have already gone too far and I can do nothing about that, I can stop it from happening again though.
The feelings that he’s stirring up are dangerous for someone like me to have.
I can not have romantic feelings for the prince.
“Kiara, wait, I’m sorry-”
“I’m sorry!” I shout over my shoulder, gathering my skirts and hurrying out of the secluded courtyard.
There’s more to say, much more, but I don’t have the capacity to manage that right now.
The way my hormones are reacting it wouldn’t be long until I made a terrible mistake and there is too much at stake to allow that to happen.
Flustered and completely lost in the maze of the gardens, I hurry back to the palace. He’s calling after me but thankfully I can’t hear his footsteps so I think he’s giving me the space I so desperately need. The shadow of the hawk moves over me and I see that it’s following me like a grim omen.
I need to get back to my rooms and remind myself why I’m here. That, and to get the taste of Amir out of my mouth before I do something even more stupid.