Chapter 21
Will
The staffroom door creaks as Will pushes through it, as predictable as the emptiness of the biscuit jar an hour before lunchtime.
He retrieves the pack of Hobnobs he bought from the corner shop and tears it open, letting the biscuits fall into the jar and saving the last two for himself. He has lunch plans, but there’s time for tea and a biscuit or two.
His hands move through a routine so predictable the tea is ready in no time. The first sip is predictably comforting, deepened by the second and the third.
Will moves over to the window, looking out across the gardens. These little bits of predictability feel less mundane than they did before. More reassuring. A vital contrast to the recency of his life, crammed full with surprise and revelation.
He’s adjusted to some of them. Adjusting to Nate being alive was alright, once the shock dissipated. Adjusting to their deepening relationship was easy.
More like remembering than adjusting, anyway.
The other surprises are like insect bites. Fine until you brush them the wrong way, bursting into itchiness you just can’t ignore.
Revelation one. Being able to influence people’s emotions.
The arrangement with Nate quelled some of the fear, but there are plenty of other adjustments to make.
Like work. He ran out of excuses to wear gloves too quickly, and then he started second guessing himself constantly, wondering whether his charges seemed brighter because Will was subconsciously forcing them into it.
Eventually he adjusted. Saw the silver lining, realising it really was a Gift if his touch calmed someone who needed a little extra peace.
Revelation two. The hidden truth in Nathan’s family, and the extent of his grief.
Will can’t decide what’s more shocking, the fact that Nathan lost his mother so violently, or that his father kept it from him for so many years.
He remembers his Nate, nestled in his arms, face awash with tears. The fresh cut of his pain, raw and overwhelming. As if he hadn’t let himself truly cry. As if he didn’t have a shoulder to cry on in the first place.
Ever since that night, Will can see the grief in him. Hiding on the edges of him, in eyes that briefly turn damp, in a mouth that twists thoughtful when the quiet stretches on. He wonders if his family saw it in him when he was grieving Nate.
It hurts. Nate’s pain hurts, the passive kind that’s forged in being powerless to help.
Will shakes his head. Drains his mug, crams the last biscuit into his mouth.
He opens his locker to check his phone, smiling at the sight of a message from Nate, double checking their lunch plans. It only takes a moment to respond, another for Nate to reply again, signing off with a kiss.
Kisses. His dreams have been full of them recently. Kisses and caresses, fingertips pressed into yielding flesh, skin against skin. Nate’s body, pressed tight against his, green eyes gazing up at him with passion and adoration.
It’s like being a teenager again. It’s exactly like being a teenager again, daydreaming about the same person, imagining the same kisses and being too afraid to try to claim them.
Once again, the only thing holding him back is himself.
Maybe it’s time. We can’t keep this up forever.
Although Nathan probably would, if it made him comfortable.
Nathan, with his infectious warmth. His vulnerability. His hands held out, an open invitation offered without expectation, patiently waiting. Nathan, with his myriad smiles, from gentle support to delighted joy to sensual smirk.
It’s real. It’s real, the chemistry between them, the thrill and the comfort, the ache of looking at the person you love and seeing their love reflected right back.
Will smiles to himself, basking in this feeling, this truth.
He hasn’t touched Nate since they agreed to their strange arrangement, and the thing between them has still grown.
Starved of touch, starved of kisses… it’s grown and grown, blossoming like a carefully tended plant into something beautiful.
No, not a plant… a wildflower. A whole meadow of wildflowers. Growing of their own volition, wild and free.
Before long it’s nearly time to go. Will hurries back to the staff room, making another quick cup of tea and blowing on the surface to hurry it along to drinkability. He opens his locker and grabs his phone, flipping to the selfie camera to check his face.
His eyes are bright with excitement, a slight flush painted over his cheeks.
A notification briefly obscures his image, Nathan announcing he’s just arrived.
“I’m starving,” Kehinde announces, storming into the room and hastily opening their locker. “You’re on lunch too, right? We could eat together?”
“Sorry, can’t today.” Will shrugs his coat over his uniform, pulling a pair of soft woollen gloves from the pocket.
“You’re going out? Nice. Lunch date with Nathan?”
“Yeah. He’s taking me to meet a friend of his.”
“Ooh, good luck. Sounds like it’s getting serious.” Kehinde winks and slams their locker shut, brightly coloured lunch box tucked under their arm. “Is the sex good? Tell me the sex is good.”
Will rolls his eyes, winding a scarf around his neck.
“Such a gentleman. Glad one of us is getting some.”
Will doesn’t bother correcting them. A correction would lead to questions, questions would lead to lies, and lies would lead to guilt.
Revelation three. Knowing I can count on one hand the people I can trust with every part of my life.
“Didn’t you guys go out last night?”
“Yeah, we went to the cinema.”
They sat side by side in the darkness, shoulders occasionally brushing, layers of clothing keeping them safe. Until Will went for the popcorn, his fingers brushing the back of Nate’s hand for the barest moment before he pulled away.
“Two dates in two days. You never did that with Kai.” Kehinde grins happily, slapping Will’s shoulder lightly. “You’re into him, right? Please tell me you’re into him. Tell me you’re in love.”
“Shut up, Kehinde.”
They must see something on his face, sucking in an exaggerated gasp and clasping their hands beneath their chin. “Oh, you’re so into him. Can I be your person of honour? Oh no, I bet you’re gonna ask Alessia. Fine, I can just be a groomsperson instead.”
Will laughs and shuffles towards the door. “See you later. Enjoy lunch.”
Nate’s car is waiting for him just outside the gates, the inside a welcome contrast to the cold winter air. As soon as the passenger door swings shut, they’re off, on their way to meet Emily.
“I’m nervous. Are you sure you want to do this today? I mean, I’m wearing my uniform.”
“You look great. She’s only in town for the day, so it’s now or… sometime in the future. If you want to cancel we can, but…”
Nate’s looking forward to the lunch ahead, Will can tell. He’s relatively sure he’s only scratched the surface of his relationship with Emily, only just begun to understand how instrumental this woman has been in the recent past of Nathan’s life.
“It’s fine,” he says, resisting the temptation to reach across and squeeze his boyfriend’s knee. “It’ll be fine. I wish I had time to change.”
“I’m so glad you made time to meet her. She’s going to love you, I know it.”
Thankfully it’s a short drive. The nondescript office building has a car park out back, dominated by a few shiny black vehicles parked together in a clump. Nathan manoeuvres them smoothly into a space, hopping out of the car with an enthusiasm that lifts the corners of Will’s lips.
He clambers out, falling into step beside Nate as they approach the building. “What’s she here for, anyway?”
“Meetings. She sets up here when she’s in town.”
A woman with braided red hair watches them as they approach. “Long time no see, Nathan. And you must be Will.”
“This is Amy,” Nathan interjects. “Old colleague.”
“Barely. Different league.” Amy looks them both up and down carefully before she stands aside. “She’s expecting you. Sameer’s upstairs.”
Nathan gives her a perfunctory nod as he walks through the door. Will follows, glancing back to smile at Amy. “It was nice meeting you.”
He waits til they’re out of earshot. “She was a bit prickly.”
“Yeah,” Nathan replies, his face set in a carefully neutral expression. “Amy’s ex-police. Doesn’t approve of green operatives with no service experience doing protection work. Common view. Add in the fact that I was the boss’ son, and… well, you can imagine.”
Will can imagine well enough.
Each new insight into Nathan’s past snaps into place like a piece in a jigsaw puzzle, revealing an image far lonelier than Will could have imagined.
He reaches out, squeezing Nathan’s shoulder carefully through layers of fabric as they climb the narrow stairs.
The walls press in and the carpet is thin and fuzzy beneath their feet. It’s not quite what Will expected for a place frequented by a politician; less opulent and more functional. His uniform feels a little less out of place.
At the top of the stairs, Nathan greets a tall Asian man with a firm handshake.
“Will, this is Sameer. Sameer, this is my boyfriend, Will.”
Those words still send a shiver down my spine.
“Good to meet you, Sameer.” Will steps forward, grateful he’s still wearing woolly gloves as he shakes Sameer’s outstretched hand.
“And you.” Sameer’s smile is just a touch warmer than neutral, and Will can’t gauge if it’s genuine or not. “She’s waiting for you. Follow me.”
The three of them file into the room, Sameer peeling off to hug the wall to the side of the door as Nathan nearly bounds across the room.
“Dear boy.” An older woman intercepts him, a warmth surrounding her despite her elegantly proper outfit.
She clasps his hands briefly before changing course to approach Will, extending her hand for another formal greeting.
“And you must be Will. You’re precisely as handsome as Nathan said you were. ”
Will finds himself grinning as she squeezes his hand in hers. “Emily. I’ve heard so much about you.”