Chapter 22 #2
“I know you had everything under control,” Will continues. “You were amazing, actually. But if something happened to you, I’d spend the rest of my life kicking myself for not letting myself love you like I want to.”
“Oh, Will, I… I don’t hold it against you.” Tingles break out between Nathan’s shoulder blades, his throat thickening at the weight of Will’s words. “You’re still scared. I want you to be comfortable.”
“That’s the thing.” Will leans forward, his face so close Nathan’s vision is dominated by warm brown eyes. “I’m always going to be scared, I think. A little bit, anyway. I won’t waste time letting fear hold me back.”
They gaze at each other for a long moment, Nathan’s heart so full it feels like it might explode out from his chest.
“Will.” His voice holds the slightest tremble, and Will acknowledges it, lifting his free hand to cup Nathan’s face again, thumb smudging over his lips as if he knows what Nathan’s about to say. “Can I kiss you?”
Brown eyes sparkle, cheeks plumping with a smile. “I think I might die if you don’t, honestly.”
Nathan keeps his eyes open until the last possible moment, relishing the sight of Will Savea leaning in for their second first kiss.
Their lips brush, fleeting and sweet.
He feels Will smile, a wondrous chuckle in the back of his throat before he presses closer, his lips moulding to the shape of Nathan’s, soft and yielding.
It would be overly dramatic to say he’s never been kissed like this before. Particularly since he has, he has been kissed like this before, years ago on a bench in the park by the same man who’s kissing him now.
They crowd closer, drawn together like magnets pulled apart for too long, until Nathan’s half sprawled on the couch with Will on top of him. Will lets his lips part slightly, offering Nathan a choice, as if he could choose softness over passion.
Nathan's hands travel upwards, briefly registering the shape of Will’s body before they slide into his hair, holding him as their tongues meet, a flash of heat following.
He should be nervous. Will’s more experienced than he is, always was. But he feels safe in Will’s arms, so safe. Kissing him isn’t nerve wracking at all. It’s like flying. Like running, lost in the rhythm and the bliss of motion, heart singing with every step.
A recent memory tugs at the corner of his mind, pulling him back from the moment, pulling his lips back from Will’s.
Will leans back immediately, worry flashing in his eyes. “What’s wrong?”
“There’s something I need to tell you, before we…” Worry deepens, morphing into fear. “No, no, it’s… My dad called.”
“Okay.” Will looks confused as he puts a little distance between them, keeping their fingers tangled together.
Nathan takes a deep breath and recounts the conversation. Will’s face transforms with every fact; confusion to shock, shock to concern, concern to thoughtful empathy.
“Wow. He was trying to protect you. I never…”
“Yeah, I know. I’m feeling a little bit ashamed of myself, actually. Didn’t think about how he felt about losing my mum, you know? So stupid.”
Will gathers him up in the most reassuring of hugs. “It’s not stupid. I guess we just forget our parents are actual real people with their own shit going on. We only really see one part of them.”
“I know. I just never even tried to look.” Nathan melts into Will’s embrace, letting the comfort of his arms surround him. “You’re not worried that he knows?”
“You know… I’m not. He’s known for years, from the sound of it, and… he already did the worst thing he could with the information. Are you going to talk to him?”
“I think so.” The speck of something glows, already larger, brighter. “Yeah. I think I will.”
They sit quietly for a while, soaking in the shadows, one anchored by the other.
Nathan shifts, lips seeking Will’s in a kiss that starts soft, feather light and reassuring, that deepens quickly to honey sweetness, increasingly thick like the blood that pounds through his veins.
Before long Will pulls him into his lap, pausing the kiss to look up at him with questioning eyes, his fingers toying with the hem of Nathan’s T-shirt.
“Are you sure?” Nathan asks, conscious of everything that stretches out behind them. “Today’s been a lot. You’re probably still in shock. I don’t want you to regret anything.”
“How could I ever regret you?” Will’s fingers slip beneath the fabric, hesitating before they make contact with skin. “What about you? Do you… do you want to?”
Nathan nods, heart pounding, because what else can he do in this moment, warm and safe in the cosy glow of Will’s living room on an extraordinary Tuesday night.
Will bites his lip and peels Nathan's T-shirt off slowly, like he's a gift he wants to take his time unwrapping. Fabric falls forgotten to the sofa, Will’s eyes widening, drawn to the tattoo etched over Nathan’s heart.
A single blackwork butterfly, forever isolated from the kaleidoscope that winds its way up Will’s arm.
“Nate,” he murmurs. “A butterfly?”
He smiles, enjoying the feeling of Will’s fingertip tracing the lines, the quiet awe painted over his face. “Went through hundreds of references until I found one that looked like yours.”
Will’s eyes are bright, glossy with unshed tears. “You had this done for me?”
“Yeah. I wanted something that marked me as yours in the most permanent way possible.”
“This is the most romantic thing anyone’s ever done for me. God, I… Thank you.”
Nathan laughs, bending to kiss the tip of Will’s nose. “More romantic than keeping my hands to myself for weeks when I wanted nothing more than to touch you?”
“I mean… maybe. That was pretty romantic.” Will grins, eyes sparkling as he leans forward to press a gentle kiss against Nathan’s chest, right over the tattoo, ignorant of the way his heart kicks up as he does.
“More romantic than driving round town hoping I’d find you again?”
“Um…”
“More romantic than working on my issues so hard because I want to be perfect for you?”
“Hey.” Will frowns, hands skating up Nathan’s sides to cup his face for umpteenth time. He hopes he’ll do it again and again and never stop. “You’re perfect just the way you are.”
Nathan pitches forward, grabbing Will’s face and kissing him roughly, affected on the most primal level. “Fuck, I love you.”
“I love you too. I never stopped, Nate, even if I told myself… I never stopped.”
They kiss and kiss and kiss, lips moving desperately together until Nathan realises they could be kissing with far fewer clothes between them. He pulls back, grabbing for the hem of Will’s T-shirt with trembling, eager hands, surprised when Will catches his hands.
“You don’t want to?” He’s pouting, like a sulking child, pouting, and Will just smiles.
“Believe me, I want to. But before we get carried away, we should talk.”
“About what?”
“What we like. Are you vers, top, bottom… I usually top.”
Nathan swallows, nerves igniting in his belly. “I, uh. I’ve never…”
“Never had sex with a man?”
“No,” Nathan murmurs, forcing himself to meet Will’s gaze. “I mean… there’s been no-one since you.”
Will’s eyes widen, his fingers tightening around Nathan’s. “So you’ve never… anything?”
“No.” He doesn’t know how to interpret the look on Will’s face, heart thumping in his chest as he tries to explain, to reassure. “I mean, I’ve… I’ve touched myself, so I’m pretty sure I’m up for trying both ways, but—”
“Nathan,” Will murmurs, cupping his face and brushing a tender kiss over his lips. “It’s okay. I’ll take care of you, I promise. I’m… I’m so honoured I get to be your first.”
“My first everything,” Nathan whispers, closing the distance between them and drawing Will into a slow, sweet kiss.
Moments or hours later, he slips his hand between them, reaching for the hem of Will’s T-shirt again.
This time Will doesn’t stop him, sitting back enough for Nathan to peel the fabric up and over his head, exposing a feast of skin he can’t wait to feel beneath his lips. “You’re beautiful. So, so beautiful.”
“And you.” Will pulls him close, shivering as their bodies come back together, skin finally against skin. “We’ll take it slow.”
“What if I don’t want to? What if I want you to take me now?” Nathan breathes the words against Will’s lips, hands roving greedily over the contours of his back.
“We don’t need to rush into anything. I want to give you just as much romance as you’ve given me.”
Frustration roils. “But I…”
“We’ve waited so long, my Nate. What’s a little longer?”
“Fine.” Nathan sighs, unable to deny Will anything. Maybe he’s a little excited by the idea of being romanced, too.
“I’d love to make you come, though. If you’re comfortable.”
Desire crackles through Nathan’s body, whip sharp. He can’t help the shudder that follows.
Will smiles, a playful kind of adoration in his eyes. “Is that a yes?”