Chapter Five
I’m fucking exhausted. After my anger caused me to toss and turn all night I need the biggest coffee Buckles and Brews has to offer; then make it a double.
I don’t know if I’m more angry with myself or with him. Letting him kiss me was a terrible decision. After the kiss, all I could think about was how I’m not enveloped by his scent of leather and sage in our sheets. Instead all I smell is stale beer.
Sticking to my boundaries last night was so fucking hard. And now I need my reward in the form of caffeine.
Somewhere around four in the morning I sent him a message. Hoping it kicks his ass in gear.
Me: >
I sent nothing else, hoping the song will hit home for him in this game of musical insults and promises.
Pushing the door open I’m assaulted by the heavenly aroma of fresh ground beans.
“Jess, what kind of magic beans did you make for me today?”
The owner of Buckles and Brews became a fast friend when we met at the summer farmer’s markets a couple years ago.
Despite our twenty year age difference we bonded over our different brews.
“I’m so glad you came in today. I made a fresh batch of the hazelnut mocha.” She sticks the bag out over the counter and wafts the aroma over to me with her hand.
“Ugh. So perfect. I want the biggest possible size you can give me. And I want extra sweet cream today.”
“Tough night?”
“You're telling me the gossip committee isn’t up on the happenings of my bar last night?” I raise a brow in disbelief, because there’s just no way.
“No. They absolutely are. I was just going to let you tell me the truth. Because I highly doubt your husband punched another man and then got kicked out of your bar.” She hands me my cup of gold and I take a tentative sip.
“Mmm. So perfect. I don’t know how you do it.”
“You’re avoiding telling me the truth, doll.”
I bring the coffee cup back up to my lips, mumbling over the lid. “Because I don’t want to.”
“Uh oh. Do we need to go into my office?”
“No. It’s true. All of it’s true. Whatever you’re hearing. So I think we need margaritas.” I drape myself dramatically over her counter and she rubs my shoulder in solidarity.
Her and her ex-husband went up like a magnificent fire in this town when he cheated on her. In the town square. In broad daylight, drunk as a skunk.
“Uh-oh. It’s tequila bad?”
I stand to face her. “Double shot of tequila bad.”
“How about Monday night when you’re closed?”
“Please? You’re a literal angel.”
Just then the door opens and the wind blows in that particular scent I spent all night missing. Goddamn it. Why can’t I catch a break?
“Morning, Calvin.” She greets him with a smile.
“Hey, Jess.” He wrings his worn ball cap in his hands. “Hey, Jules.”
“Ooh would you look at that. I’ve got to go grab some beans out of the roaster.” Jess shuffles back into the kitchen leaving me with my husband, alone.
“How’s your hand feeling?”
“It’s not too bad. Murray tossed a steak on it before he left me on the kitchen floor.” He gives me a tight smile.
“How very cowboy of you both.” I snicker.
“Do you think…could we, um, can we talk for a minute?” This shy version of Cal isn’t one I’ve ever seen. It’s unnerving how nervous he is.
“Sure.” I start toward a table.
“Maybe we could go for a walk instead?” He nods at the table housing half the gossip committee.
Walking by him, I push the door open.
“Want to go walk down by the river?” he asks, unsure of himself.
“Really trying to drown out the conversation, huh?”
“I just thought you’d want that. You want me to go back in there? Declare what a sorry piece of shit I am?” He stops dead in his tracks.
“No, Calvin. That’s not what I want. I was just joking.”
Are we really here where he doesn’t even know that I’m joking?
He joins me, walking side by side in silence. My hand itches to reach out and lace our fingers together. His own hand keeps bumping into my thigh before he snatches it back.
“I don’t even think I’m sorry will cut it this time,” he starts.
“Sure as shit won’t. You embarrassed the hell out of me last night. And you got blood on my floor.”
The floor we tirelessly installed together, spending hours together joking around and fucking on every surface as we went. Those Wranglers don’t mess around and when he bent over, I couldn’t help myself.
“I know, babe. I’m so fucking sorry. I just couldn’t stand it. He was touching you all damn night and you didn’t have your rings on and then he…” I cut him off with a death glare. “You’re right. None of that excuses my behavior.”
“At least we can agree on that.” My shoulders sag. “But I kind of get it. When those girls were hanging around your table I wanted to rip the extensions off that one girl if she touched your arm one more fucking time.”
“What girl?”
The fact that he genuinely doesn’t remember the barely twenty-one blonde practically throwing herself at him makes my insides melt. He’s always been oblivious. Even when it comes to me apparently.
“Don’t worry about it. Point is, I get it, but I didn’t act on it.”
We reach the riverbank, walking up the small sandy beach.
“I know. Let me make it up to you? I’d really like to cook you dinner.
We can talk about everything. But I just…
I can’t do this. I’m fucking miserable without you.
Sleeping without you joining me in the morning, without your scent from the shower filling the bedroom, the quiet.
Fuck, babe. The quiet is so deafening.” He turns to face me, taking my hand in his.
“I love you so much and going on without you feels like I’m going to fucking drown second by every slow fucking agonizing second. ”
“The sheets don’t smell like you. It’s hard to sleep.” I admit quietly.
He pulls off his hoodie, then reaches behind his neck to pull off his tee.
“Here. You can have it to sleep.” He holds the tee out to me, and I take it tentatively.
“You’re giving me the literal shirt off your back?” I take the moment he puts the hoodie back on to stare at the abs I love to lick.
Ugh. Squeezing my thighs together I pull my willpower to stay strong back to the forefront.
“I’ll give you whatever you want, just say yes to dinner. Please?”
Inhaling his signature scent from the tee, I relent. “Okay. Dinner tomorrow.”
Jess won’t care that I cancel on her. I hope.
A grin spreads across his face. The one I remember from when we were kids. The one that spread right before he kissed me for the first time at fifteen. “Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
Suddenly my feet are leaving the ground and I’m being spun around. His strong arms squeeze around my middle before he drops me back on my feet. So quick that I’m not ready for what he does next.
His hands lace around my neck, tangling in my hair to pull my face up to his. His tongue pushes my lips open in a sweet sensual kiss.
My body betrays me by melting into his, my lips parting to give him the access he wants. Within seconds I’m moaning into his mouth.
He pulls me over into the woods without his lips leaving mine.
“What are you doing?” I ask, mumbling into his lips.
“Just go with it, okay?” His fingers graze across my skin as he undoes the button on my jeans, tugging them down just far enough. He slips his hand into my panties while holding my arms above my head with the other against the tree.
Like his favorite backroad, he knows every inch of my body, his calloused fingers immediately find my clit. Pinching me before sliding two fingers inside my pussy.
“I love how you feel wrapped around me, needy for my touch.”
Shit. Shit. Shit. My resolve is completely gone at this point.
I’m writhing in his arms under his touch. His lips trail kisses down my neck, nipping at the junction of my shoulder at the same time he pinches my clit.
“Shit, Cal. More please.”
How did this man get me from pissed off to begging him for more?
He looks around, taking in our surroundings. “What are you doing?”
“Making sure we’re alone.” I don’t get to question why before my jeans are ripped down my legs.
“Hands on the tree. Bend over,” he demands.
And fuck if I don’t listen to him.
He kneels behind me, running his nose along my thigh. My hips are pulled up, opening my pussy to his face. He nips at my inner thigh.
“You smell so fucking sweet, all ready for me to feast on.”
I buck my hips back, pushing onto his face. Why is my body so pliable to him? Traitorous bitch.
His fingers dig into my skin, gripping me as his tongue assaults my needy pussy. Warm lips wrap around my clit.
“Fuck, yes! Cal!”
A few swipes of his tongue has me ready to fall over the edge, wishing he was inside me.
“I… need… please…”
He takes the hint, adding two fingers inside of me while he nips, sucks, and licks my clit.
Within minutes I’m coming on his face. The orgasm ricocheting through all the nerve endings in my body as he holds me up with his hands. The palms of my hand digging into the rough bark.
When my convulsions stop and I sink back onto him he drags his fingers out, pulling my pants back up and buttoning me up nice and tidy.
“Cal—“
“I’m not letting you freak out. I’ll see you at home tomorrow night. Six o’clock.” He kisses my forehead and walks away.
I look down at my hands. His shirt is still gripped tightly in my hand, now covered in bark from the tree. Goddamn it. I had high hopes for sleep too.
Snapping it out into the wind the pieces fall off, but the sound catches his attention. Turning back around he pulls the hoodie over his head and trades me wordlessly before leaving again.
As I get back to my car my phone pings with a notification.
Hubs: > I’d do anything.
I smile at my phone, it might be the post-orgasm haze, but I feel good about things for the first time in a long time.