Chapter Nine
I put a movie on for us, but I haven’t watched a minute of it. My mind is spinning too fast with the realization that it wasn’t just Calvin who holds the responsibility for the downfall of our marriage.
I’ve spent so much time focusing on all the things he’s done wrong, all the things he isn’t doing. But what about the things I’m not doing? And the things he is doing?
He worked his ass off for years just so I could have my dream of buying The Hidden Hollow and renovating it. He wasn’t home, because he picked up extra jobs for me.
Laying in his arms questioning everything I’ve been thinking about for the last few months is making my chest feel tight.
Maybe I was too hard on him. Not saying he didn’t do anything wrong, but I also did wrong. Now I have to admit that to not only myself, but to him. It feels like the last few weeks have been a lie. He’s been doing all the work while I’ve been sitting with my anger.
“You’re thinkin’ too hard.“ Cupping my face in his hand he pulls my gaze towards him.
Giving him a weak smile, I ask, “Would you like to go on a date with me? We could go to Bozeman, eat at the steakhouse you like. I bet Jess would cover for me.”
“That sounds nice. We could go dancin’ after.”
“You hate going there.” I chuckle thinking of the last time he attempted to dance with me at my favorite bar.
“But you love it.” He kisses my forehead.
“Okay, I’ll text Jess to see if she can cover for me tomorrow, if we can even open.”
“Sounds good. I’ve got a few chores to get done with Murray, but I should be done around lunchtime. We’ve been having issues with some of the newer ranch hands and want to make our presence known so they aren’t fuckin’ around.” He rolls his eyes.
Whenever they get new guys they always try to push their luck. Cal is a fair boss, but he sets his expectations early on. If they don’t like it, they leave, usually ending up at Black Key Ranch where they don’t care so much about actual ranching, with the same assholes who ruined my bar.
I snuggle into Cal’s side, wrapping my arm around his middle. It’s so cozy, his scent and heat fills my senses and it’s everything I’ve been missing.
The next thing I know, I’m being carried up the stairs in Cal’s arms. He places me gently on my bed before kissing my forehead.
When he turns to leave, I reach out to grab his arm. “Please, stay?”
“You want me to stay?” The shock is evident in his voice and for some reason it pierces my heart.
“I do.”
“Just till you fall back asleep.” He strips his jeans off before crawling in the bed next to me.
“No. I want you to come back to me.”
He kisses me. A sweet gentle kiss at first, but everything, all of tonight has me pushing my body into his, demanding more from him. Judging by his growing cock that’s pressing into my belly, I’d say he’s more than on board with giving me more. It’s been a long fucking time.
“I never left you, babe.” He grips my hips, pulling me over his lap so I’m straddling him.
His hands travel under my tee, over my breasts and around to unhook the bra standing in his way while I pull the tee over my head. Both get tossed to the floor at the same time so I’m bare to him.
His rough hands massage my sensitive breasts, tweaking my nipples between his fingers. Leaning forward I dangle them over his mouth, letting his beard scrape across my skin. Hot breath on my nipple has me anticipating his next move.
But it isn’t what I expect. He flips us over, my back hitting the mattress. His hands fist in the side of my leggings, ripping them down my legs, panties and all.
“You have too many clothes on,” I pant out while his mouth sucks in a peaked nipple.
“I’m busy. It’s been too fucking long since I’ve tasted you and worshipped this body.”
Same. Reaching between us I grip the hem of his tee, pulling it over his head. His cock presses the limit of those boxer briefs, but they’re next.
Tossing his clothes somewhere toward the end of the bed, his cock is hard against my thigh.
God, I’ve missed him.
His fingers trail a path between my thighs before slipping inside me.
“Fuck. You’re so wet for me. Have you missed my fingers and my mouth?”
“Yes.”
He moves his two fingers in and out, alternating between rubbing just the right spot on my clit. I shiver when he nips at the spot on my neck and licks it to soothe away the pain.
“I… please… inside me… now,” I beg.
“Come for me and I’ll give you what you want.”
His fingers pinch at my clit at the same time his teeth nip at my nipple. The two sensations send me over the edge as I let the orgasm ricochet through me.
He doesn’t even let me finish one orgasm before he’s sliding into me. It’s all too much to feel at one time.
He moves slowly, too slowly. As if I can’t handle all the sensations.
But I don’t want slow, I want fast and hard. I want all the sensations to hit me at the same time.
Wrapping my legs around his waist I pull him closer to me.
“You want more of my cock? You want to feel me deep inside you?”
I nod my head while scratching at his back trying to get his body as close to mine as I can.
“Say it.” He stills completely.
“I need you, Cal. I need to feel you closer, deeper.”
He flips me over onto my stomach, slipping a pillow under my hips to raise them. Straddling my thighs, he slips deep inside me, kneading my ass cheeks.
“I love this view of you. Your ass high in the air as your pussy takes my cock so well. It’s so fucking sexy.”
His praise turns me on as much as his touch. Knowing that he’s watching me and getting turned on.
His pace quickens, he’s hammering in and out of me. Dragging his hand up my back and slipping into my hair he pulls my head back, the pain bordering on making me absolutely feral for this man. Propping myself up on my elbows, he reaches around to play with my nipples.
My hips buck against him, my body twitching with each pinch to my breast.
“Are you ready to come for me again?” His voice is strangled, trying to hold his own orgasm back.
“Yes, please.”
Pulling back, he stops with just his tip inside. He reaches over to our bedside table pulling out the familiar foil packaging crinkling before he sheaths himself with a condom. Bracing for what’s next I clench together as he slams into me, it’s all so tight and the friction is delectable.
But with that, comes the hurt. The hurt that he doesn’t see us as ready for a baby. I don’t either, but the reality of where we are in our marriage hurts like hell.
His movements get frantic and frenzied, deeper, shorter strides, pulling me out of my thoughts. My legs are shaking, holding back my own orgasm.
He buries himself deep inside while his cock twitches with his orgasm. A slap to my ass sends me over the edge and I squeeze every last drop out of both of us.
“Fuck, that was… I missed you.” I whisper out under his weight.
He turns his head to the side, kissing me on the cheek. “I love you so much, Jules.”
Rolling off me, he pulls me into his side, wrapping his arm around me and holding onto me like he can simply just hold us together.
While his breathing evens out, and he falls asleep, my mind won’t stop. Fear that I’ve hurt him when I left, fear that he won’t be able to forgive me when I admit it. My own breathing gets faster, and even in his sleep he snuggles closer when I panic.
He’s reassuring me without even knowing it. He deserves me figuring my own shit out. And I will.
Last night was an emotional rollercoaster in my mind. I couldn’t sleep and was wide awake when Cal left for work. But I pulled the coward move and pretended to be asleep as he kissed my cheek goodbye.
I need my bestie and coffee. Now.
As soon as I hear the front door click shut I hop out of bed rushing around the room to find my clothes from last night. Haphazardly I pull on all the clothes I find in my path before sneaking downstairs and praying his truck is already gone.
I peek out the window seeing his spot in the driveway empty and thank my lucky stars. Ripping my keys off the counter I run out to my truck like I’m some kind of criminal in my own house.
What the hell is wrong with you?
The dust cloud left behind by my truck is telling of how fast I want to get out of here. But what am I hoping for? Do I want Jess to tell me that I’m wrong and it’s all him? Or am I hoping that she’ll agree with me, that I have a part in my marriage going to shit?
I pull into the first spot I see outside of Buckles and Brews. Which, given the time of morning on a Sunday, is sparse for what a non-ranching town would experience at six in the morning.
Shit. That means it’ll be busy. At least I can have a donut while I wait for her.
Or three.
When I walk in she immediately makes eye contact with me and her eyebrow almost hits the ceiling with surprise.
I roll my eyes in response.
She waves me around the counter to help myself.
Our silent communication is greatly appreciated at such an early hour pre-coffee.
Filling my cup with her pistachio cold brew, I add some sweet cream and grab four donuts.
I can pretend some are for her when she gets a break.
Ms. Patti delivers her tasty treats before most cowboys are up for the day and that says a lot about her sleep schedule. It’s as messed up as mine.
I wonder how she and her husband, William, make it work. Maybe I should ask her for help. But that would be baring my soul to the town, not just Ms. Patti. That makes me want to crawl out of my skin.
By the time I’m half-way done with my refill Jess finally comes over with a lull in the line.
“Girl. Two coffees and four donuts? What the hell happened after you left last night?”
“I slept with him. And then actually slept with him. Then pretended to be asleep as he kissed me on the cheek before leaving.” I get out in one breath, shoving my fifth donut in my mouth.
“Okay… and?” She raises a brow in confusion. I don’t keep going, waiting for her to connect the dots. “He’s your husband, you had sex, and slept in the same bed as your husband?”