Chapter 30 Nellie
Nellie
Now
I can’t believe it; I have a crush.
A real one, not the pretend thing with Dustin, but the kind that makes my heart feel like it’s gonna burst out of my chest. I feel almost dizzy, almost sick. I haven’t actually felt this way since Thor, back in Sweden. Poor Thor.
But also fuck Thor.
Enough about him. Every inch of my body feels like it’s lit up, electrified, but in a good way.
It’s weird, but everyone in this house seems to be in a good mood.
When I stumbled in, Mom and Dad were still up, even though it’s long after midnight.
I was dreading Mom barreling down the stairs, needling me about my curfew, but instead, I was greeted by Dad shooting a Nerf ball from the Nerf gun straight at my butt, hopping around the room like he was some special-ops person.
He’s such a lovable dork—the only man in town who still aims a Nerf gun at his teenage daughter. But anyway, I thought to myself, What’s gotten into you?
Then Mom slunk around the corner, wineglass in her hand, laughing at us, at me dodging Dad’s shots. Saying nothing about me being late. A miracle. One that makes me suspicious.
It’s Friday night, and it’s now one a.m., and I’m dancing around my bedroom, blaring the single that he gave me tonight. “Kiss Off” by the Violent Femmes.
It’s a rough song, loud and crazy. A few secs ago, Mom poked her head in, looked like she was worried about me. But I think even she could see the change in me, tell that something good has happened. She finally just shrugged, smiled, and shut the door.
No way I’m telling her about this. Not yet anyway. This is all mine, delicious hard candy in my mouth that I never want to dissolve.
Luke. Luke Napolitano.
That’s his name.
How sexy is that?
Never mind that he’s connected to Jane, to the Swifts. Even that can’t change the way he made me feel.
It was just a normal night at the Circles. I drove myself, not wanting to get roped into anything with Dustin. Not in the mood to put out.
So I was leaning against my beamer, alone, chain-smoking, sipping on a spiked cherry limeade, when they got there, pulling up in Luke’s red Camaro, windows down, the new INXS album blasting out of the car.
Everyone looked at each other because no one recognized the car.
And then he stepped out.
Tall, lean, foxy, his coal-black hair licking his shoulders, his face telling everyone he doesn’t give a fuck, his torso squeezed into a faded Ramones T-shirt. With his black biker boot, he stubbed out his cigarette, flung his bangs back.
I couldn’t breathe.
We don’t make boys like that in Longview.
And then she crawled out of the passenger side. Jane. With her weird-ass sister, Julia, whom I’d just met for the first time.
Almost made me feel sorry for Jane, to have to have a sister like that tag along.
Jane at least makes an effort to look cool, to wear makeup, to dress a little more like a normal teenager, but Julia just stared at us all from behind her thick glasses, her flat, bony body lost in one of those hideous prairie dresses.
My heart sank; I figured he was Jane’s boyfriend or on the way to being. Then, as they walked over to everyone, she introduced him to Blair as her friend: “He’s a friend of our family from Dallas. His dad shipped him here for the summer to apprentice under Pa. He’s staying with us.”
And they didn’t hold hands or act affectionate to each other at all. But I did see the way Julia was looking at him all night, with big puppy-dog eyes.
“Gay rod.” Dustin coughed these words into his fist, loud enough for all of us to hear.
I wanted to punch him in his flabby stomach, kick him in the balls, but I just rolled my eyes, took another drag off my smoke.
If Luke heard him, he pretended like he didn’t. Didn’t act bothered at all.
Blair, of course, pranced over to him, all flirty, basically throwing herself at him even though Tommy was standing right there.
Luke was all smiles with her, and they talked for a while, so long that I felt like I didn’t stand a chance.
But when he started heading over to the keg, I raced there.
It was just the two of us.
He was squeezing the nozzle, filling a cup with beer, and when I walked up, almost out of breath, he looked up, flipped his bangs out of his eyes, and smiled at me. “Need one?”
His tone was scratchy, a heavy smoker’s voice, and sweet. Made me melt.
“Sure,” I said coolly.
When he passed me the plastic cup, his fingers touched mine.
“Got a name?” he asked, grinning at me. “I’m Luke.”
“Nellie.”
“For real? Like from Little House—”
“On the Prairie, yes.”
I was bracing for him to tease me, like everyone else over the years, but he flipped his bangs back again, his eyes smiling. “That’s awesome. She’s a total badass. Must mean you are, too.”
“Not if you ask them,” I blurted before I could stop myself. My face burned. But there was something about Luke that made me trust him, made me wanna open up to him.
“Humph,” he scoffed, scanning the crowd. “Fuck ’em, right? I can tell you’re different. I’m—” He scratched the back of his neck. “Let’s just say that I’m different, too. So I get ya.”
Now my face was on fire, and I was positive he could see my skin glowing beet red. I sucked down half the beer. Then the other half. Which made him snort.
“Damn, Nellie!”
Good, I thought. I’ve impressed him. I stuck out my empty cup for him to refill.
“I like a girl who can hold her liquor.”
He worked a cig between his lips as he filled my cup.
I studied his fucking gorgeous eyes: dark, mysterious, deep brown, but somehow also lit up.
“So, tell me, what’s everybody got against ya?” He tugged down his T-shirt, which had crept up, showing off his tan stomach.
“They all think I’m a freak.”
He laughed. “Well, are ya?”
“Maybe?” I said in my flirtiest voice.
Behind him, the bonfire was sparking.
I could feel everyone’s eyes on us, and it made me feel so good, so powerful.
“Ha!” He smirked. “Not afraid to tell it like it is, are ya?”
He hotboxed his cigarette. Like him, it was different. Rolled in brown paper, smelling kinda funny, like flowers or something.
“What are you smokin’?” I stuck my hip out, tried to act even flirtier.
“It’s a clove. Ever had one?”
I shook my head.
“Well, let me give you your first.” He dug a pack from his back pocket, shook one out. “Better yet, I’ve got something even more fun to smoke. Follow me.”
As I walked with him, I felt like I was floating, a balloon that had been released, in danger of drifting into the sky.
I followed him to the line of the woods, where his Camaro was parked.
“Climb in.”
The inside of his car smelled like his cigarettes, sweet and smoky. He rummaged through his console, then came up with a joint. “This cool with you?”
“Shit, yeah!”
Pot usually makes me feel silly, giddy, a little paranoid, but it gives me the giggles.
He fired it up, took a long drag, passed it to me.
The paper was still wet from his mouth; it tasted like how I imagined kissing him might.
I took an equally long drag, to show him I was cool.
He reached up, slid back his sunroof. “If we lean our seats all the way back, you can see the stars.”
I did exactly what he said, pulling the lever, pushing the weight of the seat down with my back.
I glanced over at him. His shoulder-length hair looked like silk.
I wanted to reach across and touch it. Run my fingers through it.
He was staring straight up at the sky. I kept looking at him, hoping he’d look back at me, working up the courage to lean over and kiss him.
But he took another pull off the joint, then blew the smoke upward through the roof.
He pointed. “I swear that’s Jupiter. You see it? ”
I peeled my eyes off him, looked through the opening at the red dot he was pointing at. “Yeah, I do. That’s so cool.”
“It’s the planet of good luck.”
“Is that so?” I asked, teasing. “Are you an astronomer?”
“Ha. No, more like an astrologer. Jupiter’s my ruling planet. I’m a Sagittarius. You?”
“Scorpio. Through and through.”
“Coulda guessed it, Nellie.” He said my name like it was a naughty thing, a playful thing, a beautiful thing, and my stomach turned to butter. “All darkness and passion.”
He turned to me then, his brown eyes twinkling. I fought the urge, again, to lean over, kiss him, maybe crawl on top of him.
He would have to make the first move.
Instead, he popped the lever on his seat, springing it back up. Dug around in his console again, this time fishing out a single, waving it around.
I came up to sitting, too.
“Ever heard of them?”
On the paper cover was the band name, Violent Femmes, and a photo of a barefoot little girl dressed in a dress, peering through a window. Edgy.
“No. We only get the Top Forty songs here on the radio.” I rolled my eyes, pretending to be put out by that.
“Well, Nellie, you’re in for a treat. I have so many songs to teach you about.”
He jammed the cassette into the deck, then twisted the knob so that it wasn’t as loud as when they pulled up.
The guitar sounded jangly, the singer’s voice all raw, and the lyrics dark…
but funny? It was about a loner, but a badass loner.
I swayed in my seat to the music, acted like I was so into it, that I understood it.
“But this one, ‘Kiss Off,’ this song could be your theme song,” Luke said after he turned it off. “Better yet—here, it’s yours.” He popped it out of the tape deck, slapped it in my hands.
And now I’m listening to it over and over, not quite believing that this boy sent from heaven gave it to me.
Not that I really believe in heaven. I mean, let’s get real.
But that he could look inside my black heart and see me so clearly…
I will never get rid of it; I’ll sleep with it next to me because he touched it and it’s a gift from him to me.
When we climbed out of the car, everyone was looking at us.
Blair especially, her arms crossed across her chest like she was sulking. I nearly peed my pants, I was so happy.
But there was Julia. She was glaring at me with those eyes of hers. Whatever.
Also Dustin. Ugh.
Luke high-fived me, and I wobbled back to my car, fuzzy from the weed. Delirious from Luke.
Drunk, Dustin shouted after me, “Hey, Nellie, what the fuck? You aren’t leaving yet, are you?”
I’ll pay for it later, but I couldn’t help myself, especially after he called Luke a gay rod. I didn’t stop and turn around, just raised my arm and gave him the finger in front of everyone. Burned him.