Chapter 62 Safiya
Chapter sixty-two
Safiya
The palace was alight with activity. Guards paced through the halls, securing rooms and bracing windows.
Council members and their assistants rushed about, gossamer and flowers and all manner of decorations bundled in their arms. The solstice had come upon them so quickly, and the final stand was almost here.
They had known the timeline would be tight, but the reality was pure chaos.
Safiya did her best to stay out of the way. She watched the hustle and bustle with detached interest as she considered Ayla’s last words to her.
Go home, Safiya. Return to Kiaszta Naván and your family. There is nothing left for you here.
She pondered what she would do next. Going home to Kiaszta Naván was the easier option. Her family would welcome her with open arms, but she did not want to do what was easy. She wanted Ayla.
Ayla found her in front of her chambers, waiting cross-legged on the floor. She frowned down at Safiya as she approached. “Why are you here, Safiya?”
“This isn’t over for me.” She stood, determination lining her face.
“Well, it is over for me. Leave. I’ll provide a boat and the money to see you home, but that is all that I can give you.” Ayla pushed past her, skirts swelling as she dipped over the threshold.
Safiya followed close behind. “I don’t believe that.”
“You should. I am done letting others make decisions for me. There are no chances left.” Ayla fled deeper into the room, trying to feign indifference, but Safiya knew her better than that.
“I can’t go on without you,” Safiya whispered, head low.
Ayla laughed, a bitter restraint. “Do not put that on me. I can’t be the only light in your darkness.
I can’t be the only thing you live for. You need to find something else because it’s not fair to me.
It’s not fair because I have always been there for you.
Always. But where were you when my thoughts were racing, and I couldn’t breathe?
Where were you when my anxiety was so bad I couldn’t eat or sleep or focus on a single Goddesses damned thing besides the ache in my gut? ”
Safiya opened her mouth to respond, to defend herself, but the look Ayla shot her way was chilling—silencing.
“You weren't there! And fuck if I don’t love you anyway. You killed my father—the man I thought was my father—and I still love you because if there is one thing I have ever done well, it is love those who hurt me. Well, no more. I can’t continue to tear myself apart for you.
I won’t. So do whatever you want, Safiya.
Stay or leave. Just let me go.” Ayla swiped tears from her eyes with violent surety, and it broke Safiya’s heart into a thousand new shards.
“You’re right,” Safiya agreed. Her voice was shadowed with the swell of her aching, regretting heart. “About all of it, but I’ll fix it. I swear, I will.”
“There is no fixing it! Don’t you get it?
I’ve worn myself down to the fucking bone, Safiya!
I have given every little piece of myself to you and Claudian and Tarquin.
And I have gotten nothing in return. There is nothing left to fix.
I can only start over and try to choose differently this time—try to choose myself.
” Ayla shook her head, the curtain of her silky hair falling in front of her face.
When she met Safiya’s eye once more, her gaze was empty.
There was no love, no hate. She had given all she had, and there was nothing left for Safiya to hold on to.
“I will not make your decision for you, but I refuse to give up. It’s my turn to fight for you—for us. I will not turn my back on Seren and Harkin and Théo. They are my friends too,” Safiya argued. “I will not run and hide anymore.”
Ayla looked at her, long and parsing. She nodded, but her eyes were tight. In that one gaze, Safiya could tell it was not a lost cause. She would earn back Ayla’s love if it was the last thing she did.
Safiya let out a heavy sigh, leaving Ayla and settling in an alcove out of the way as she considered the way forward.
Ignatius Imre and Araceli Basa did not notice Safiya as they passed her, the two speaking in rapid tones. “Claudian wishes the coronation to go flawlessly. It is our responsibility to ensure it is done.”
Claudian?
Safiya melted further into the shadows as she strained to hear Ignatius’s response.
“All will go according to plan. Aranti will not let us down.” He laughed, and Safiya’s stomach lurched into her throat.
“He had better not,” Araceli sniffed. “Have Mira keep an eye on him. If he warns the others, our carefully laid plans will be forfeit, and I'd hate to ruin my gown with the blood of his relatives. Such a waste.”
Safiya held her breath so she would not give herself away. The moment they were gone she lurched forward, sprinting aimlessly down the halls, only knowing that she must find her friends before it was too late.