~ 2 ~
Rona
At the outdoor venue by the beach, surrounded by rainbow coloured bunting and with the sun setting and the sea within touching distance, I looked out from behind the decks at all the sapphics on the dancefloor.
My heart felt warm and fuzzy. It was such a beautiful place to mix some music, and I had no reason to be nervous.
These were my people. As they danced and swayed to my tunes, talking among themselves or watching me up here, I felt so connected to them.
Like I was one of them and just happened to be up here playing right now.
I queued another song in my headphones while they enjoyed the current one by the looks of things.
My whole body was in tune with the beat as I found the exact moment I wanted.
I turned the dials on my decks to shatter the bass before cutting everything but the treble, emphasising the chorus of one of my favourite songs.
Put your loving arms around me.
The crowd went wild. I smiled, putting my arm in the air, dancing, glancing over at Nell in her muscle tank and baggy shorts freestyle dancing beside me on stage with a huge grin on her face.
I loved seeing her like that. I played the rest of the song out while encouraging the crowd to let loose by jumping around on stage with Nell, as if it were a house party.
A hundred or so people danced with us at the small outdoor venue in the warm night air.
I’d never felt more myself on stage before.
The short yoga routine before getting out here had really helped.
This was fucking heaven.
I looked over at my friends near the front, dancing along with us, having a good time. It was always easy to spot them with Kaira being so tall.
I caught eyes with Lily, who seemed to be watching me. A shiver of excitement ran through my body. I looked away and then back.
She smiled, slowly, and so did I.
Our meeting earlier was playing on a loop in my head too, along with all these songs. She was gorgeous, obviously, and I had seen her completely naked. Once the shock of it wore off, I realised I had enjoyed talking to her. There was something exciting about her.
“Rona, next one comin’?” Nell urged me back to the here and now, speaking loudly into my ear.
“Yeah, sorry.” I picked up my headphones from around my neck.
“It’s okay, I’ve got it.” Nell gestured, stepping in, smoothly covering up my near miss.
“Thanks for that.” I shook my head, stealing another glance at Lily.
Once Nell mixed the next track, she took her headphones off and addressed me. “Where’s your head?” She followed where I’d been looking. “Ah. Lily Sharpe?”
“I’ll tell you later.”
Lily appeared by the side of the small stage shortly after that. She was so attractive. Her make-up accentuated her already beautiful face, making me quiver, thinking again about finding her naked earlier.
“Hey,” Lily waved, moving with the music.
“Hi!” I smiled, beckoning her over, loving the way her body flowed with the song, gently but precisely.
Nell monitored the decks while I stood beside Lily, doing my best to calm myself down.
Lily took it all in, the equipment, the lights, the wires, where we stood, and then out at the crowd. She leaned towards my ear, speaking loudly over the speakers. “You guys look so fucking cool up here.”
I leaned forwards, inhaling her as I spoke next to her ear, super close. “Just trying to put on a good show.”
“It’s the best. I’m having so much fun.” She danced a bit extra, wiggling her shoulders.
“That’s all I want.” I smiled.
She put her hand on my waist to come in even closer, stepping into my space. “Seriously, I love your taste in music, and the way you’re mixing. I honestly feel like yours is the best gig I’ve been to in years.”
I turned my cheek, brushing hers a tiny bit. All I wanted to do was lean in and kiss her, which was crazy. I didn’t even know her. “That’s great.” I wasn’t sure she heard that as I didn’t say it very loud and my voice cracked a bit.
Our eyes caught and I had to check myself. We were on stage in front of people. I was playing a set. Nell was handling it but I needed to get back. “I’ll send the mix to you if you want?”
“Wow, yes please!” She beamed, moving back, lightly squeezing my arm. “I’d better let you get back. Thanks for inviting me up. It’s a huge privilege. See you soon.”
And with that, she was away.
I gazed past where she’d been, struck by how much I liked this person already.
“I need you over here,” Nell called, her eyes wide. “I can’t do the next one.”
I played the rest of the set, approaching the point of no return. The first time I was going to play live as a solo artist on stage since the band. I took a deep breath.
“You ready, Rona?”
“No. But I’ll never be. Let’s do it.”
“They’re gonna love them. I know it.”
With it being a live DJ set I didn’t have to talk but I found that it made for a better feeling to say something.
Even just a simple thank you went a long way towards connecting with the audience and I pushed myself to speak despite how nervous it made me.
That and the fact that I was now about to sing made me feel like I needed to say something.
Turning the music off at the end of the song, I picked up the microphone, my heart racing and my palms sweating.
“Hi guys.”
The noise that came back nearly made me stumble.
“Oh wow, thank you for that. You guys are amazing!”
Huge cheers went around.
“I have a couple of new songs I want to play for you.”
More cheering.
My friends were probably the loudest. I loved them so much.
“I hope you like them.”
A flutter dropped through my stomach. Nell and I had practiced at home. This was no different.
In the end, all I wanted was for the audience to like my new songs.
I cared more than I wanted to admit to myself.
Pushing those vulnerable feelings to one side, I nodded to Nell and she played the first few notes on the keyboard.
I dropped in the bassline, followed by sounds on my electronic touch pad, to serve as the rhythm.
I built and built, with the help of Nell.
By the time I started singing, I felt goosebumps rise on my arms. I fucking loved this song. It meant so much to me.
And the audience seemed to enjoy it too based on the hands in the air and the increase in decibel level.
Relief swooped through me faster than my mind could catch up with.
The next song was even headier. I let Nell handle the music and I stood at the front and sang my heart out, hitting my notes, just about.
I ended my set at the end of the song to the warm reception of the crowd, feeling like I was on top of the world. “Thank you for being here. Thank you for being the best crowd ever!”
The festival’s filler music came on as Nell and I left the stage. My heart was still beating fast as we jumped around the little area backstage in celebration.
“You were incredible, Rona.”
“No, you were!”
“They loved your songs.”
“I’m so happy!”
“You could do this for real as a solo artist. It’s who you are,” she suggested, pointedly, staring at me.
It was a source of tension between us. I produced music.
Nell was my creative partner outside of her other freelance work.
She was also my best friend. She knew I wasn’t looking to release this stuff.
But being here in this beautiful island venue and playing my dance music for sapphics while wearing a baggy t-shirt and ripped jean shorts felt so good, and she could feel it too.
Nell had many piercings and short styled hair. She was very pretty and did her best to look fierce. Right now, she looked terrifying.
I folded my arms across my chest. “It’s too risky. I’m finally in a good place, creatively. Opening this up to the world might spoil it.”
“Why is it too risky? What would be spoiled?”
I gave her a long hard look before picking up my rucksack and throwing it over my shoulder.
She knew how bad it had been with the band.
My fifteen minutes of fame hadn’t been kind to me.
Hoisting the bag higher up my shoulder, I turned back to my best friend.
“I like playing under this name. Not that I particularly enjoy the build up to these sets but once I get going it seems to work out well by playing small gigs to the queers like this. I’m a thirty-five-year-old lesbian who loves making emotional music to dance to.
I’m not the car-crash girl from that indie-pop band years ago.
No one knows who I am. I don’t want to ruin that. ”
“You could have a great album with your new material. And this crowd would love it. Just look at how they responded to two songs.”
“I don’t want my life to be for public consumption again. Been there done that, and I’ve only just about recovered from it all.”
Nell folded her arms. “You’ve had a hugely successful career since then. A lot has changed.”
“Has it? I’m a human being not a brand. All female music artists I know have to glam up and put their whole personal life out there. The guys can rock up in jeans and a t-shirt and not give a fuck, but we can’t. No fucking thank you. I’m happy living under the radar.”
“Then don’t share much. Just have fun with it. Start releasing what you’ve got under your real name. See where it goes.”