~ 5 ~ #2
I held my breath for a second, feeling my pulse begin to quicken.
I knew of this relationship because it was all over social media at one point, including the sapphic internet.
They were two of the hottest female footballers both in terms of performance and looks, and they were a couple.
Naturally, everyone went crazy for the relationship when they went public with it.
Vicky never shared anything private of Lily’s and we never asked, out of respect.
She was a friend of a friend I thought I’d never get to meet.
I never once thought I’d be in a pool with Lily getting her intimate take on what happened. “That’s good you can still be friends.”
“It’s taken us a while to get to this place, but yeah, it’s good. I’m so grateful to still have her in my life. She has a new girlfriend now. One of her Spanish teammates.”
“Cool.”
“I’ve been single since I came back to the UK, that’s two years ago now.”
“Why did you two break up? If you don’t mind me asking?”
“I don’t mind at all,” Lily said, looking into my eyes now.
We were side by side in the pool. “We were partners, best friends, teammates, and like, we were never not around each other, you know? I started to feel suffocated by the relationship and I guess I felt like I was losing myself. I would get distant, which triggered her anxiety. We would have a big argument and then make up. So we were constantly in this push-pull dynamic that became exhausting for both of us. We kept going around in circles getting nowhere. She had also developed feelings for someone else on the team by that point, although she hadn’t acted on it.
Eventually, she brought up that we could consider not being a couple anymore and that we would be better as friends.
I agreed after a while. It was a mutual thing in the end after lots of trying to make it work. It was for the best.”
I nodded, taking in everything she said, feeling it hit me in the chest. What she was describing was almost identical to what had happened between me and my ex, Becca, although it was Becca who was a dismissive avoidant and who eventually withdrew and shut me out after being together for three years. It still hurt to think about.
“I’m sorry to hear that. You sound like you’ve got clarity on the situation though. Did you keep playing in the same team after you broke up?”
“Yep, and her new girlfriend was in our team.”
“Shit. That can’t have been easy to be around.”
“It wasn’t. I went back to England not long after. I needed to get away from it all.”
“I didn’t know that was why you two split up and why you came back.”
Lily shielded her eyes from the sun, looking at me quizzically, as if she was disappointed to have met another person who knew more about her than she did about them.
I knew the feeling, and I felt for her. I’d just let slip that I knew of who she was and her important milestones.
But then, as a lesbian in London with a mutual friend, was it that unlikely that I wouldn’t know?
I let her digest the information, not saying anything.
“I guess my life is all over social media and the papers. When I came home, it was everywhere about me being back, and about the breakup. We tried to keep it quiet but the internet always finds a way.”
“Sorry.”
“It’s fine. Honestly.” Lily floated away.
I worried she’d felt our conversation had got too close. Too personal.
When she turned back, she caught my eye, with a curious look. “What about you? Are you seeing anyone right now?”
“Nope. I broke up with my ex about six months ago. We were together for three years. I thought she was the person I’d grow old with, but things turned out differently. That’s life, I guess. I’m moving on.”
“I’m sorry to hear that. Six months isn’t a long time ago. How are you?”
“I’m a lot better now, thanks. Some days are harder than others but I’m starting to feel more like myself again.”
“Are you still friends or…?”
The pain and the heartbreak of Becca giving up on me smashed into me again. I felt a heaviness in my chest and a dull ache in my heart. It always caught me off guard. I swore last time wouldn’t get me like this again, but here we were. “We don’t speak at all anymore.”
“How do you feel about that?” Lily asked, with kind eyes.
“It was brutal at first but I’m okay with it now.
It’s for the best. Becca said I was, and I quote, ‘too much’.
Too emotional, too needy, too clingy. At first I believed her, but I’ve realised over the past few months that you can’t be too much for the right person.
Someone who truly loves you will love you because of who you are, including your flaws, not despite them.
I want my next girlfriend to celebrate me not tolerate me.
At least that’s what I’m hoping for, anyway.
I can work on being less clingy but I’ll never apologise for having needs again.
I guess Becca did us both a favour. I didn’t realise how dysfunctional we became until we were over. ”
Lily was staring at me, intently. “It’s hard to see a situation for what it is sometimes.
But it sounds like you’ve learned a lot from it ending,” Lily spoke gently.
“You deserve to be celebrated and loved for who you are, Rona. I hope you find that one day.” Lily floated away from me a little, as if quietly contemplating something.
I wished the topic hadn’t come up but then I was glad it was out of the way. We had clearly hit it off and if it wasn’t just me, there was a spark here.
She sat up and straddled her lilo, giving off such top energy that it made me quiver.
I gulped, needing no time to switch gears into appreciating her.
“I’m looking forward to tonight,” Lily said.
“I am too. I can’t remember the last time I was actually drunk though, so it should get interesting.”
“Even better.”
Lily paddled over to the steps and got out. I openly watched her from my spot on my lilo, not looking away.
“Are you coming to get ready?” Lily faced me and put her hands on her hips like an exquisitely sculpted Greek goddess now immortalised into stone.
She waited for me and watched me as I joined her standing outside the pool. Water dripped off both of our bodies. My bikini might as well have been off, the way she was looking at me.
I ran my hands through my wet hair, stretching my body up, with a gentle arch in my back, fully aware I was baring my body to her and hopeful she wouldn’t forget it.
“Let’s go, hot stuff,” Lily said.
A wave of excitement rushed through me. She’d remembered what I’d called her the other day at the beach. She was so flirting with me, right?
I followed her through the villa. I wished no one else was in the house and we were on our way to do other things instead of shower separately.
The very fact I was already imagining these things with Lily was literally crazy to me, given I’d only met her a few days ago.
But she was turning me on, and we were on holiday, and maybe there was something more here on top of this insane chemistry.
When we got to our bedroom doors, Lily offered that I use the bathroom first, and then I offered it to her.
She took my offer, after a few moments, and I waited in my bedroom as she showered, doing my best not to think about the water running in between her breasts and further down, to where I wished I could be.