Chapter 27 #2
Mom reaches for my hand. “Josie, I’m so afraid of what Christopher’s family might do. Call you names, drag you through the dirt. And they have enough money to hire lawyers, to put pressure on the police and the district attorney, to ruin your life.”
Ian would never do that to me.
Would he?
He didn’t get along that well with his dad, but that was because he didn’t want to take over Langley Capital.
That doesn’t mean that Ian would ever believe his dad was a cheater and sexual predator.
I know Ian cares about me. I know his feelings are real.
But I’m a summer romance that might have turned into something more, and Christopher was his family.
And then an even darker thought occurs to me. What if Ian thinks I was using him to get to Christopher all along?
And Ian isn’t the only one I need to worry about. What about Mrs. Langley? And I don’t know a single thing about the rest of the Langley family.
“Of course we’d hire a lawyer and fight back,” Mom says. “But what about your future? How could you start at Berkeley in the fall with an ongoing murder investigation?”
Static fills my head. I can’t believe the words she’s saying. Murder investigation. Would I be accused of murder? “Even if they blame me, even if they say I went over to the Langleys’ to have an affair with Christopher, they couldn’t possibly think I killed him on purpose, could they?”
“We have no way of predicting what they’ll think. Or what they’ll do to protect the Langley name.”
If I’m accused of killing Christopher, would they arrest me?
What if there’s a trial? Would I go to prison?
And even if I’m not arrested, if the admissions office at Berkeley found out I killed someone, would they withdraw my offer?
I’m horrified to think that only losing out on college might be my best-case scenario.
The absolute unfairness of it all manages to burn away a little of my fear, and anger ignites in my chest. I didn’t do anything wrong.
I shouldn’t be the one punished for the rest of my life.
“You’re right. We can’t go to the police.
I’ll just pretend I wasn’t there. We can just carry on like nothing happened and nobody will ever know…
” But even as the words come out of my mouth, the doubts start to creep in.
“Right?” I look to Mom for reassurances.
“Josie…” She takes a ragged breath. “I think we should leave the island.”
My head jerks back like she’s hit me. “What do you mean, leave?”
“We should move away. You, me, and Madeline. We should get away from here before any of this comes out.”
“Why?” I gasp. “What if we just don’t say anything to anyone? Alice said they think it was an accident, so nobody is looking for me.”
“It’s only been a few hours. When the police start questioning the Langleys’ staff, what if the security guard remembers seeing you?
Or what if there was a housekeeper there after all?
They might not know who you are or have gotten a good look at you.
But if you stay on the island, they’ll eventually see you around town. Recognize your face… your hair.”
“I’ll leave early for Berkeley.” I couldn’t stay here for the summer pretending everything is normal anyway.
Working at the sailing club, listening to the gossip about Christopher, pretending that it has nothing to do with me.
And I’ll never be able to walk past Christopher’s regular table by the window and not want to throw up.
“By the time I come home for Christmas, it will all have blown over.”
“Yes, you should definitely leave early for Berkeley, but I think we need to do more than that. Because when the richest man on the island is killed, I don’t think it’s something that blows over by December.
” Mom shakes her head sadly. “You can never come back. Not for Christmas, not for summer break. Every minute you’re on Sandy Harbor is a chance for someone to figure out that it was you at the Langley house that day.
There would always be the possibility that the security guard or a housekeeper might recognize you on the street and send the police.
But it’s not just you they might recognize. ”
“What do you mean?”
“Your sister and me.”
From the old photos I’ve seen of Dad, Madeline’s features resemble his, while I look just like Mom.
Both my sister and I inherited Mom’s green eyes and red hair, though.
Madeline’s locks lean toward strawberry blond while mine are more copper, but red is uncommon enough that people always take notice and immediately guess we’re related.
“You know how our hair draws attention,” Mom says.
“I’d be terrified to walk on Harbor Boulevard or stop in the grocery store in case someone from the Langley household traced me back to the girl at the house the day Christopher was killed.
And how could I let Madeline roam the island with her friends?
I’d always be looking over my shoulder, worried that any minute, the police could show up on our doorstep. ”
My mind dissolves into white noise. We can’t just pack up and leave. But then, Mom did it before. I had no idea she transferred colleges in the middle of her sophomore year. She probably felt like she had no choice. And she obviously feels that way now.
“What about the house?” I stammer. “Your job?”
“We could sell the house. And I have a friend in central Pennsylvania who is the administrator at a hospital. They’re always looking for staff. Just a few weeks ago, she reached out to see if I’d ever be interested in coming to work for her.”
“But… what about our life here, our community?”
Mom’s face creases with sorrow as she slowly shakes her head.
“I love it here. Our friends are like family. But I’d give it all up in a second to keep you safe.
How would I live with myself if you got caught up in an investigation?
If you were arrested? Mothers are supposed to protect their children.
” Her eyes fill with tears and her voice breaks.
“But I couldn’t protect you. I won’t let anything else happen to you.
I won’t let Christopher Langley hurt you anymore. ”
“What about Madeline?” A shiver of dread shoots down my spine. “Will we tell her what I did?”
“We won’t tell anyone. Not a single soul. I don’t want your sister carrying the burden of keeping this secret for the rest of her life. We’ll tell her we’re moving for my job, and that I got an opportunity that I couldn’t pass up.”
“She won’t believe it.”
“She has to. As much as we can, we have to cut ties here. Especially you. I want you to put this all behind you and start a new life in California.”
With that, my thoughts fly to Ian. “Ian’s going to Stanford,” I say. “It’s only an hour from Berkeley. He’s planning to visit me there.”
Mom’s head whips in my direction. “You can’t see Ian Langley ever again.”
My heart cracks open and a thousand conflicting emotions spill out. Ian’s dad assaulted me, but Ian couldn’t have known about it. He couldn’t have known Christopher was a monster. All he knows is his dad is dead. I’m sure he’s devastated.
My mind slips back to the time we spent together: The day we went sailing. Ian’s wide grin as we joked about boat names. The way he admired my art. The heat of his hands mingling with the sun on my skin.
These past few weeks were the start of something so good.
What will he think if I just disappear from his life?
I’ve never met anyone like Ian. I’ve never felt this sort of connection.
I know it hasn’t been very long, but what we have is real.
It’s right. Is there any way to fix this?
Maybe in California, away from Sandy Harbor and the memories of what his dad did to me…
Maybe there could be some sort of chance for us.
But it’s not just that his dad assaulted me. I killed him. How could Ian and I ever be together with that secret hanging over us?
“Honey…” Mom’s voice is gentle, as if she can see all of the pain and fear and heartbreak playing out across my face. “We’re leaving Sandy Harbor to get away from a terrible thing that happened to you. You’ll never truly be able to do that if Ian Langley is in your life.”
I know. She’s right. What if Ian and I somehow managed to be together?
He’d want to spend holidays together. To bring me home to his mom.
His house. A memory of walking through the ornate hallway drifts through my consciousness, and I can barely breathe.
I can’t go back there. Even if I could, even if somehow, I could work through the panic threatening to choke off my airways, what if I ran into the security guard, or the housekeeper, or someone who recognized me as the girl who was there the day Christopher Langley was killed?
“I want to leave Sandy Harbor so you can put this behind you,” Mom continues.
“I don’t want you to have to think about what happened on that dock every day of your life.
If you don’t completely cut ties with Ian, you’ll have to stare into a face that looks like Christopher Langley’s and comfort him while he grieves the man who assaulted you. ”
I take a shaky breath as her words wash over me.
Everything she’s saying makes perfect sense.
How could I ever be with Ian, knowing what I know about Ian’s father?
Knowing what he did to me… and what I did to him.
But when I think about walking away and never seeing Ian again, my heart breaks. I’ve never felt this way about someone.
None of it makes sense and everything is a mess.
“I want you to be happy, to be free of this.” Mom’s voice cuts into my scattered thoughts.
“The smartest thing I ever did was transfer schools and start fresh. I met your father, and he was the best man in the world, and I had you girls. I took control and didn’t let some rich guy and his family ruin my life. ”
Deep down, I know Mom is right. I can still see Christopher Langley’s face hovering inches from mine.
I can still feel his hands grabbing me, his body pressing me down.
At the memory of it, my heart races, and sweat breaks out on my forehead.
I take a deep gasping breath, bending forward to pull more air into my lungs.
Mom leans over with me, pressing a hand to my back. “You’ll be okay, honey. Deep breaths.”
I killed someone. I took his life. He was a monster of a person. But he was still a person. Someone’s husband. Someone’s father. And now he’s dead. If we leave here, I won’t have to think about it. I won’t have to face it. I can put it behind me and pretend it never happened.
But only if I never see Ian again.
I sit up and gaze across the room, my attention latching onto the photos hanging on the wall.
There’s a series of me and Madeline as toddlers playing on the beach, and then as little kids biking to the milkshake spot.
Another row showcases us as teenagers jumping in the waves.
I want to go back to those times when all I had to worry about was sand toys and money for ice cream.
I want that innocence, that excitement, that joy.
What if I end up in prison? What if my life is ruined?
I don’t know what to do. This can’t be happening. I’m only eighteen. I’m still a kid.
I look to Mom, a single mother who cared for me and protected me and my sister entirely on her own. She’s been through this before, she was assaulted, and she managed to overcome it and build a life for herself. She knows what’s right. I need to listen to her.
“I understand,” I say. “We need to leave here and never come back.”
“And Ian?” Mom prompts.
I hesitate. There isn’t any other way. “You’re right. I can’t ever see him again.”
Mom nods. “You’re making the right decision. There will be another guy when you’re ready. You’ll meet so many people at Berkeley and have so many new and wonderful adventures. You’ll put this behind you, and I promise that soon, you won’t think about Ian Langley ever again.”