Chapter 39
THIRTY-NINE
PRESENT DAY
Josie
I’m grateful that the morning of my sister’s wedding is such a whirlwind that I barely have time to notice that there are no texts or messages from Garrett…
or Ian. What if Ian doesn’t show up to the wedding?
What if he’s truly struggling and all alone?
Garrett was calm last night and seemed to think that Ian just needed some time. I’m doing my best to believe him.
Madeline and I talked a little more about everything that happened last night before we went to bed, but she absolutely agreed that this morning would be all about her and her wedding.
I’m relieved that she seems to relax and enjoy our spa day.
We sip champagne during our treatments, chat about her honeymoon and discuss when she and Garrett might want to start trying for a baby.
Hair, nails, and makeup done, Madeline and I head to the restaurant where we find Chloe, Ellery, and Mom waiting for us in a small downstairs room.
My mom grows teary when she sees my sister in her wedding dress, and I admit my eyes well up, too.
Whatever happens today, this is what’s important.
After everything Madeline has been through, I’m so grateful she’s finally getting her happy ending.
I peek out the door that leads to the beach where Madeline and Garrett will be saying their vows.
The restaurant staff has set up rows of white chairs that are filled with wedding guests, and beyond them stands a wedding arbor draped in aquamarine fabric.
Garrett stands under the arch, tall and handsome in his suit, with a wide but slightly shaky smile on his lips as he waits in anticipation of Madeline’s appearance.
I never heard from Garrett about Ian, and my heart aches. Maybe he isn’t going to make it. Maybe he had to get off the island and away from reminders of his dad. My mind whirls with possibilities. Maybe he’s all alone and he needs me.
“Are you ready?” Chloe slides up beside me in a champagne-colored tea-length dress that matches mine.
Ellery sweeps in next to us in a dress in the same color but with a wide A-line skirt. “No throwing, right?” she says, shaking her basket of flower petals.
“You remembered,” I say. “That’s exactly right. Just kind of scatter them.”
“I know.” She sighs. “Ian made me practice earlier.”
“He did?” I blink. “Earlier today?”
Before I have time to ask any more questions, Madeline steps over on Mom’s arm. “Are we ready?”
Two staff members swing the doors open to the beach. I stare at Chloe’s back as she nudges Ellery outside. Chloe follows her daughter, and when she’s halfway down the aisle, I step out onto the sand. My gaze snaps to the arbor.
There are two men standing there now. Next to Garrett is Ian in a pale linen suit. Even from this distance, I can see his eyes are red-rimmed and tired as if he’d been up all night. But his gaze connects with mine and stays there. He gives me the barest hint of a smile.
My heart swells, and I want to run over and throw my arms around him.
Instead, I take my slow steps toward the altar.
The guests stand and turn toward the door, and I know Madeline has stepped into the doorway.
I know Garrett is staring at my sister like she’s the most beautiful woman he’s ever seen, but my eyes are glued to Ian, who is looking at me in exactly the same way.
As I step past him to line up in my place, he reaches out a hand and gently brushes my arm. Tears prick my eyes.
Madeline and Garrett say their vows, and I do my best to pay attention, but my gaze keeps drifting to Ian’s.
After the groom kisses the bride, I hand Madeline her bouquet, and she and Garrett turn to walk down the aisle together.
The guests stand up to clap and cheer for them while and Ian and I move next to each other.
He holds out his elbow.
“You promised me this would be the best part,” I say, my heart filling with hope as I slide my hand into the crook of his arm. “Walking down the aisle with the best man.”
“And isn’t it?” he says, tugging me closer.
I turn to look at him, my face only inches from his. I want to tell him everything with him is the best part. Every minute I spent with him was the happiest of my life, and when I lost him, it broke my heart.
I want to tell him that if I lose him again, it might crush me.
But I don’t because this is my sister’s wedding, and I can’t make another scene. We’re supposed to follow Madeline and Garrett back down the aisle, and Chloe and Ellery are waiting behind us. I clutch Ian’s arm, hoping that somehow, he can sense what I’m feeling. Hoping he feels the same way.
Once all the guests filter inside, the wedding party heads back out to the beach for photos. I throw myself into maid-of-honor duties, straightening my sister’s skirt, smoothing her hair, holding her flowers so she can put on lipstick that Garrett immediately leans over and kisses right off her.
They look so happy, staring at each other like they can’t believe they get to spend their lives together. For a long time, their love seemed thoroughly doomed, and everything they overcame must make it even sweeter to know they’ll never be apart again.
While Madeline and Garrett move under the arbor for a photo, my eyes shift to Ian.
I find him staring back at me, his face wracked with emotion.
I want to believe there’s love in Ian’s eyes.
But what if he can’t get past what his father did and trust that I can love him?
What if there’s too much pain, too many secrets? What if it’s too late?
The photographer calls the rest of the bridal party forward, and I tear my gaze from Ian’s.
I focus on my joy for my sister so when it’s my turn to smile, there’s not even a hint of fear in my eyes.
It returns later, though, when we go upstairs to the restaurant where the guests have gathered, and the bartender is pouring champagne.
Ian makes a speech about how the luckiest day of his life was the day he sat down at a counter in a hole-in-the-wall diner next to Garrett, because that’s the day he gained a brother.
By the end, everyone in the room is crying and I let my tears fall freely.
I can’t lose this man. Not after I found him again.
After dinner, Madeline and Garrett come together for their first dance, and then the guests pile onto the dance floor.
I lose Ian somewhere in the crowd, but at this point, my emotions are ragged from putting on a happy face.
I slip off downstairs to the beach and wander out to the water.
The sun is setting, leaving orange and purple streaks across the sky and a cool evening breeze blows in, tangling in my hair.
I always loved this view better than anywhere else. Sandy Harbor doesn’t have the rugged cliffs jutting out over the water like we do in the Bay Area. But it has almost everyone I love. And it’s home.
“Josie.”
I spin around to find Ian crossing the sand. My heart clenches at the sight of him, and all I want to do is run into his arms. But I hold back.
“Can we talk?” he asks softly, coming to a stop in front of me.
I nod, searching his face for a sign. Is this the beginning? Or is it goodbye?
He takes a deep breath as if steeling himself for something. “I want you to know how sorry I am for taking off yesterday,” he says. “I shouldn’t have left. It probably looked like I blamed you or didn’t want to be there to support you, and I’ll never forgive myself for that.”
“Ian,” I say, pressing a hand to his chest. “I understand why you did.”
He shakes his head. “That doesn’t make it okay. I should have stayed, and I should have fought for you. I should have told you how I feel.”
My chest hitches as hope radiates out to my limbs. “And how do you feel?”
Ian holds my gaze. “I started falling for you when I was eighteen years old. And now…” His eyes are bright with emotion.
“Now I’ve completely fallen. I don’t want to spend another day without you.
” He raises a hand to my cheek, cupping my face with his palm.
“Josie,” Ian whispers. “Is there any chance you could be with me, knowing what my father did? Can you ever look at me and not see him?”
The back of my throat aches, and tears fill my eyes. “I’ve had years to come to terms with what your father did. And I know now that his death isn’t my fault. Even if Sam hadn’t been the one to push him, even if it was me like I believed for so long, it still wouldn’t have been my fault.”
I gaze up at him, taking in his eyes the color of the cloudless sky, the lock of dark hair sliding across his forehead from the sea breeze.
He’s eleven years older than he was when we met, and he probably looks even more like his father now.
But I don’t see it. I see a man who helps Serena’s mom, and builds dunes to protect wildlife, and takes Ellery to dances.
Who treated my sister and Garrett like family, and who supported and stood up for me from the first day I met him.
“I don’t look at you and remember him,” I say. “You’re nothing like him. You never will be.”
He reaches for me. “I think a lot about what we could have been if we’d gone to school in California together.
We lost eleven years because of my dad. I don’t want to lose one more minute.
” He slides a hand across my cheek, tangling it in the hair at the nape of my neck.
I press up on my tiptoes and meet him halfway.
When our lips come together, everything feels new and exciting, but it’s familiar, too.
Like that first kiss on the sailboat when all we had ahead of us was possibility.
And then I clutch Ian’s shirt, sliding my tongue into his mouth.
He matches my intensity, snaking his arms around my back and pulling me against him.
I could stay here forever, in this place where I always felt safe, and now I know I always will.
But reluctantly, I pull away. It’s still Madeline’s wedding, and I don’t want to be gone too long. “We should get back.”
Ian holds out an arm and I slip my hand into it. We turn to walk back toward the wedding. For the first time in over a decade, there are no secrets between us, no fear blocking our way. Just Ian, and me, and a future that we get to choose together.