Chapter 14 #2
“I…” She clears her throat and seems to regroup, lifting a shoulder. “Sandy Harbor is a really popular vacation destination. You know that. I mean, I even meet people here in the Bay Area who grew up in New York and Jersey who went there as a kid.”
I know she’s right. Sandy Harbor is the type of place where generations of families from up and down the East Coast return year after year.
Some of the seasonal staff even travel from Europe to work here for the summer.
From May through August, there are probably hundreds of thousands of tourists who come to the island.
How many of them must be tall, dark-haired men with blue eyes?
“A lot of people vacation on Sandy Harbor,” Josie continues. “And one of them happened to look vaguely like Adam.”
“Not vaguely .” He wasn’t just any tall, dark-haired man with blue eyes. I know I didn’t imagine the resemblance.
“Okay, he looked a lot like Adam… in a blurry video. But in order for it to actually be him, Adam would’ve had to survive the crash. And you know that’s nearly impossible. How did he get out of the water? And where did he go? ”
“I don’t know.” I look down at my hands as my sister identifies the biggest plot hole. If Adam had survived, he would have contacted me.
“What about Jason? What does he think?”
I hesitate, biting my lip.
Understanding slowly dawns on Josie’s face, followed by a wide-eyed look of alarm. “Oh my God, Madeline. You said there aren’t going to be bridesmaid dresses. Did you postpone your wedding? ”
I know I have to face the end of my engagement at some point, but the idea of it overwhelms me.
I’ll have to call my mother, who loves Jason, and tell my friends and colleagues.
Thankfully, we hadn’t booked a venue or sent out invitations yet, so at least I won’t have to call a hundred guests and break the news that they have to cancel their travel plans.
Still, if Josie’s face is any indication of what’s to come, everyone will be so shocked.
Jason and I were that nice couple. So good together.
Why would I ruin everything?
“I didn’t exactly postpone the wedding.” My stomach churns. When I ran out of Jason’s office yesterday, nothing about how we ended things implied postponing . “I’m pretty sure I blew it all up.”
I watch her eyes shift around as if she’s taking in my surroundings. “You’re on Sandy Harbor now, aren’t you? That’s the only explanation for that terrible beach art.”
I nod.
“And Jason didn’t want you to go.”
The back of my throat feels coated in sandpaper, and all I can do is nod again.
“Look.” Josie’s voice gentles. “If you’re not sure how you feel about marrying Jason, it’s okay to take some time. But don’t fool yourself into thinking this is about Adam. It’s wildly unlikely he’s still alive, and I’m worried you’re setting yourself up for another heartbreak. ”
“Josie, I know what I saw. The guy in the video looked just like him.”
“I know they never found Adam’s body, which makes it hard to get closure. But chasing this stranger around Sandy Harbor is not going to help. Take the summer to relax, maybe talk to a therapist. But don’t hang around Sandy Harbor thinking you’re going to find answers.”
“I’m only here for two days. What’s the harm?”
“The harm is that it’s not just two days.
It’s that nothing good can come from digging up the past. You were finally moving on from Adam’s death, and now you’re mired in it again.
And you’re back on Sandy Harbor Island of all places.
This tour of heartbreak isn’t going to end the way you want it to. ”
I gaze out the sliding glass doors, past the balcony, and out to sea.
Maybe she’s right. Aside from Adam, leaving Sandy Harbor Island was the greatest loss of my life, and I never got closure from that either.
I never found out why we left this place all those years ago.
My mom got remarried and moved to Arizona the year I graduated from college, and the last time I brought up Sandy Harbor, she claimed it was so long ago, she could barely remember.
And Josie still just shrugs it off. She grew up here, running in and out of the waves as a kid, hanging out with her friends on the boardwalk, a part of the same community as I was.
But she never seemed to care that we left or missed it once it was gone.
Is it possible she knows something she’s not telling me? “Josie, why did we leave here? It’s been over a decade, and our life on Sandy Harbor is in the past. If you know something, what’s the harm in telling me?”
“It’s not in the past,” she blurts out. “You’re sitting there on the island right this minute, chasing this notion that your childhood crush could still be alive.
We left Sandy Harbor for mom’s job, it was time to move on, and that’s all there is to tell.
And Adam died, he’s dead. A social media post won’t bring him back, and it won’t bring back our old life on Sandy Harbor either.
You need to find a way to finally dig yourself out of the past and move on. ”
Before I can stop it, a tear drips down my cheek.
Josie may have been away at school when Adam died, but she knows how much it destroyed me.
Adam was never just a crush. He was the love of my life.
When he died, I got stuck, unable to move on.
I went to college nearby, took a job at the same high school that I’d attended, and got engaged to my closest friend.
I never even left Maple Ridge outside of a couple of trips to visit Josie or my mom and a few vacations with Jason.
What other life might I have lived if I hadn’t experienced such a tragedy when I was seventeen years old?
What other life is still out there for me?
What Josie doesn’t seem to understand is that coming here to Sandy Harbor and chasing the surfer who looks like Adam is digging myself out of the past and moving on.
For the first time since Adam was alive, I’m not just going along with what feels safe and easy.
I’m not letting the current pick me up and carry me along.
For the first time since Adam died, I’m paddling in my own direction, and I’m not about to turn around now.
Josie’s words echo— childhood crush— and I shake my head.
Adam’s life was never easy, and the pain he suffered could have made him hard and bitter.
But instead, it made him care for the people in his life so much more.
I remember Adam’s rough hands, gentle on my skin, his eyes searching mine to make sure I felt safe, comfortable, protected— always .
If the situation was reversed, and it was me in that video, Adam would have gone to the ends of the earth to find out the truth.
Maybe that surfer is Adam, or maybe he isn’t.
But I owe it to myself to find out, and I owe it to that boy who—despite everything he’d been through—still managed to love with his whole heart.