Chapter 23
TWENTY-THREE
PRESENT DAY
Madeline
I wake up with the sun shining in through the bedroom window and my phone buzzing on the side table next to me.
I fumble for it, dragging myself out of a dream about a man with dark hair and aquamarine eyes.
I don’t know if I’m dreaming of Adam or Garrett, just like I don’t know which man I almost kissed on my kitchen floor yesterday.
All I know is that the only thing I regret is pulling away.
The phone continues buzzing, and Josie’s name slides across the screen. It’s 9 a.m. here, which would make it 6 a.m. in the Bay Area. She really must be worrying about me if she’s awake at this hour.
“I’m calling to check in on you,” Josie says, getting right to the point.
I rub my eyes. “I’m fine.”
“You seemed like you were struggling the last time we talked, and I’m wondering how you’re feeling now that a few days have gone by, and you’ve had a little distance from seeing that video. ”
I sit up, fully awake now, and a little part of me is tempted to laugh.
Distance. I can still feel Garrett’s arms around me as he caught my fall.
See his aquamarine eyes— so like Adam’s —searching mine.
He was about to kiss me; I know he was. I could feel it in the hitch of his breath, the shift of his body, the throb against my thigh signaling how badly he wanted me.
I have absolutely no distance.
“Um… well…” I consider telling Josie that everything is fine and then getting off the phone as quickly as possible.
She wasn’t happy that I came to Sandy Harbor chasing the guy who looks like Adam, so she’s really not going to like that I almost made out with him on my kitchen floor.
But I don’t want to start lying to the people I love.
Maybe I didn’t handle the end of my relationship with Jason as well as I could have, but at least I tried to be honest. Josie is my sister, and I know she’ll support me, even if she doesn’t agree with everything I decide to do. “I found the surfer in the video.”
Josie’s sharp intake of breath carries through the phone. “The one who looks like Adam?”
I don’t bother to answer because of course that’s the surfer I’m talking about. I toss aside the covers and swing my feet out of the bed. “I had to find out if it was really him.”
“And… is it?”
I pad into the kitchen and open the door to the back deck. I step outside and peek over the railing at the house next door. Garrett’s Jeep is gone and the door to the shop is closed. Maybe he’s surfing or working on a house somewhere else on the island.
“I don’t know. He says his name is Garrett, and he has no idea what I’m talking about.
But Josie… this guy looks just like Adam, even more in real life.
He’s older, obviously. But his facial features, his hair…
his eyes. ” A seagull flies overhead and lands on the roof of the house behind my shed. “I don’t know what to think.”
“Madeline, people look like other people all the time! ”
“Not like this.”
Through the phone, I hear the crinkle of a bag of coffee and the clank of a mug on granite. “Look at Elijah Wood and Daniel Radcliffe. Look at that actor from The Bear … what’s his name?”
The seagull from across the street swoops onto the railing, probably hoping I have some pastries to share. “Jeremy Allen White?” I ask absently.
“Yes, that guy. He looks like Gene Wilder’s younger identical twin.”
I picture their faces. “I thought they were related.”
“ No. And what about Amy Adams and Isla Fisher? Which one of them was in Definitely, Maybe ?”
“The movie with Ryan Reynolds?” To be fair, I saw that movie like a million years ago. But I have to admit, I’ve never been able to tell those two actresses apart. “I… have no idea.”
“Exactly!” Josie yells through the phone. “And that’s just a few famous examples. Think about how many doppelg?ngers there are all over the world. People you see and think, That guy looks like my dentist. Just regular people with no idea that there’s someone out there with the same face.”
“Yeah, but I knew Adam. It’s not just Garrett’s face… or his body…” I heat at the memory of Garrett’s golden skin shimmering with droplets of saltwater… the warmth radiating from him as he held me against his solid chest and carried me to shore. “There’s something about him. It’s… a feeling.”
“Honey.” Her voice softens. “Are you sure you don’t just want there to be something about him?”
Is she right? Am I just looking for similarities because I want them to exist? “I don’t know.” I step back inside the house and lower my voice. “But I’m going to find out.”
“How are you going to do that? Stalk him? Go through his things?”
“No, of course not!” I hesitate, knowing she’s not going to like this. “I’m going to stay for the summer and get to know him.”
“ What? ” she shrieks.
I quickly lower the volume of my phone.
“You’re staying for the summer?” Josie repeats. “Madeline… this is totally unhinged behavior!”
“I got a job at a local bar. Do you remember Hudson’s?”
“You got a job ?”
“Are you just going to repeat everything I say?”
“Apparently, I am. At least until you start saying something that makes sense.”
“It makes perfect sense.” Though, again, who am I trying to convince?
I left my life behind and came here on a complete whim.
In a way, I will be stalking Garrett, watching him.
What if he doesn’t come into the bar? Will I go to his house?
Peer in his windows? Break in and look through his things?
I’m not the kind of person who would do that.
But then, a few days ago, I would have said I’m not the kind of person to come here without any semblance of a plan, blowing up my life in the process.
Yet here I am. And even more worrisome is that I don’t seem to care nearly as much as I should.
“I’m going to pretend that I don’t think he’s Adam. He’ll come into the bar… He seems to be good friends with the bartender and this other local named Ian Langley.”
Josie makes a noise like she’s choking.
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah, just… burned my mouth on my coffee.”
“Do you remember Ian? He owns a development company on the island. It used to be his dad’s before he died.”
“I remember him. He was one of those private school boys that hung out at the country club. Does he remember us? You?”
“I don’t think so.”
“Okay. ”
“So,” I continue, “I’m going to get to know Garrett, try to become friends. Then I’ll look for signs, mannerisms. You can change your name and your backstory, but you can’t change who you are. I knew him better than anyone. If he’s Adam, I’ll figure it out eventually.”
“What does Jason think?”
“I…” I trail off. My plan doesn’t extend to Jason. “I don’t know what he thinks. He’s in Mexico.”
“I know you broke up, but he’s going to want to know where you are all summer.”
I slide onto a stool at the kitchen island. “Josie, this isn’t about Jason. This is about me getting closure and finding out the truth. I need to do this.”
Through the phone, I hear her long sigh. “Listen,” she says. “I have some time off. I’m going to come and meet you there. I don’t think you should be alone right now.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. I’m completely fine.” But am I really? My entire world tilted the moment I saw that video, and now I’m not sure I know which way is up.
“Well, then we’ll have a little vacation together. I haven’t been back to Sandy Harbor since we left either.”
I hear Josie’s coffee pot percolate, and another breeze blows in, bringing the salty sea air with it.
For a moment, I’m back at the old beach house having breakfast with my sister before school.
We’re only a year apart and rarely fought like other siblings I knew.
She always seemed to know what to do in any situation and even my friends used to go to her for advice.
I know she’s using this as an excuse to come and boss me around, but maybe that wouldn’t be the worst thing.
“I’d love that, actually.”
“Okay, let me look into flights. Do you have room for me to stay?”
“Yes!” I find myself getting more excited. We could rent bikes and ride up to the lighthouse, stop at the bakery with the best donuts anywhere, and hang out on the beach together, just like old times. “I rented a two-bedroom cottage from that Ian guy. He gave me a huge discount.”
She’s silent on the other end of the phone, and I wonder if the call dropped.
“Josie? Are you there?”
“Yeah, I heard you.” Her voice sounds distant, distracted. “Just… googling flights. I’ll text you when I know more.”
We hang up the phone and I swing the back door open and step outside again.
The breeze from the ocean a few blocks over teases my hair, and the morning sun shines through the trees, warming my skin.
I can’t believe how well this all worked out.
With Garrett right next door, I’ll have plenty of opportunities to get to know him.
And if he’s Adam, he won’t be able to hide it from me forever.