Chapter 16
Maddox
“A mother’s opinion should be held in the highest regard. Except, of course, when she is wrong.”
— A Seelie Guide to Matrimony
Ihave really stepped in the shit now.
Not just my boots are dirty. I am past my neck and drowning in my own muck.
I should have been prepared with a name; I have had more than enough time to come up with one. Instead, all my free time was spent daydreaming about a certain Seelie fae. When Nia asked, I panicked.
Now I must find an Unseelie named Gia Gill, or else Nia Quill will know I am a liar.
Why did I not listen to Gryffin and tell her the truth from the beginning?
I am selfish. That is why. For the first time since I met Nia, she did not look at me as if I was a horrifying monster, and I did not want to lose that feeling.
When she learns what a deceitful male I am, she will not forgive me. I would not deserve her forgiveness anyway.
The misery does not end with my lie. She said that we were friends.
Friendship is not all I desire from Nia. This lie has put me exactly where I do not want to be.
I have had many female friends in the past, and once you have established that boundary, it separates you like the canyon used to separate us from the Seelie fae.
For a moment, I consider going to find Ever to seek advice, but Nia has gone back into the castle, and I am not ready for her to look at me with hatred in her beautiful eyes. Instead, I hurry back to my wagon to take Biscuits to his new pen and then bring Dusk to the canyon bridge.
Not trusting the boards to hold our combined weight, I dismount and tie him to one of the many posts erected along the rocky ledge.
He stamps his hoof, no doubt irritated that there is no grass in this place.
“This is for your own good,” I tell him as he glowers at me through eyes as black as his hair.
“Your belly will explode if you eat much more.”
When I return, I must start taking him for daily runs so he does not become lazy.
I take my time crossing the bridge, avoiding the more weathered planks. Brilliant blue fades into gray fog, and shadows swallow me, as if someone drew the shades over the sun.
Gryffin is where I last found him, on his steps, carving a new walking stick. If I did not know he had been overseeing work on the bridge, I would think he had not moved at all.
He glances up but does not smile. This is not unusual for him. His smile was lost along with his mate. “Is there trouble at the bridge?” he asks.
Thankfully not. Ever says the Seelie have gotten more done over the last two days than they have in the past week. “There is trouble in my life. The lie has grown a thousand legs.”
He drops the stick and chisel with a huff. “Why do you insist on asking for advice when you have no intention of taking it?”
This is the problem. I have the best of intentions, but then something twisted inside of me thinks it knows better, and then my mouth says things that are not true.
“I know. I am sorry. I promise that I will tell her the truth. But how can I be sure that she will not hate me afterward?” This is a fate I must avoid at all costs.
He drops his shaking head with a groan. “You cannot control how another feels about you. You can only control yourself and your own actions. Your actions have proven you are an untrustworthy male.”
I do not want to be untrustworthy.
“Tell her the truth, Maddox.”
I take out the list of reasons Nia cares for her Nolan.
There it is in black and white. Number seven, the reason I have not found a proper night’s sleep since she gave this paper to me.
Never lie.
This does not tell you what to do if you have lied and feel awful about it. It does not tell you how best to make amends for doing wrong.
I fold the list and tuck it away once more. “And then what do I do?”
Gryff snatches his chisel back from the ground, leveling the blade at me.
“I will tell you what you will not do. You will not make excuses. You will take ownership of the wrong you have done and then ask if there is something you can do to make up for it. It will be up to your female to decide if she has a heart for forgiveness.”
Hopefully, Nia will have such a heart.
I do not want to live in a world without her smiles or her laughter.
“Thank you, Gryffin.” I start to turn away, but there is more to say, so I twist back around.
He watches me through narrowed eyes, the chisel clenched in his tight fist. “I am sorry that you lost your mate. You are a good male who offers sage advice. I hope that you find someone to share your wagon with once more.”
At this, he scowls. I do not mind. A scowl from Gryffin is the closest thing he has to a smile now.
I leave for the canyon and find Dusk stamping in the dust. Instead of returning to my home in the gardens, I ride straight to Nia Quill’s cottage.
Her mother is the one who answers, which is most inconvenient because she promptly collapses to the ground with a piercing wail. If not for my arms, she would have knocked her head on the tile floor.
“Do not die.” There is not time for this nonsense. “I need to speak with Nia Quill.”
One eye splits into a narrow slit. “About what?”
This is the first time Nia’s mother has chosen to speak to me.
Normally, she is dead until after I leave.
I do not wish for this female to hate me more than she already does, but I cannot give her an answer to that question.
Nia deserves to be the first to hear of my terrible actions from my own lips.
“A matter of great importance,” I say.
Now, both eyes have opened, and they are full of fire. “You stay away from my daughter, do you hear me?” The Seelie pokes her sharp nail at my chest like she wishes to carve out my heart. “My girl is far too good for the likes of you.”
“I know this.” I have known of Nia’s goodness since the first time I heard her voice.
The female’s expression flattens.
“But I still need to speak with her,” I say.
As if she has just realized I am still holding her, Nia’s mother shoves against my chest. When I loosen my grip, she scurries away like a scared rabbit, only there are no bushes under which to hide in this place. “Well, she isn’t home.”
This is most inconvenient. I have been gone for quite some time. Where else might she be?
Probably with her Nolan.
A jealous fire climbs my spine at the thought. “Then I will wait.” The truth must be told this day.
“Not in here, you won’t.”
“Outside,” I clarify.
Her face drains of color like she is about to feign death once more. “The neighbors might see you.”
“This is a problem?”
“Of course it’s a bloody problem. I don’t want anyone getting the wrong idea.” She waves her hands at me as if that is supposed to explain what about the idea is wrong.
“That the king’s closest friend calls upon your daughter?”
Her eyes widen, and she leaps to her feet with the agility of a young fae, then starts patting her white hair and adjusting her apron and giving me a look that makes me want to turn and run. “Would you like something to drink?”
“No, thank you.” I do not deserve to be comfortable after what I have done. “I will wait in the garden.” And remain there until nightfall and beyond if I must.
“Does your ‘important matter’ concern that guard of hers? I don’t understand what she sees in him.”
This female I do not know should not converse so candidly about her daughter’s affairs with a stranger. I have not come to this place to speak ill of the fae who holds my heart.
“It is not your place to see anything. The decision is hers to make.” I do not wish for Nia to marry her Nolan, but it is her right to do so, and I would rather see her happy than not see her at all.
In light of my lies, this is a fact that I had forgotten.
Nia’s mother wrinkles her nose, tells me she is too busy to entertain me, and then returns to her kitchen.
I trade the beautiful house for a spot in the garden where I can watch the road for signs of the female I have wronged.
Dusk appears happy to be near grass once more. If only I could feel the same. Instead, my heart is heavy and dread floods my stomach as I stand and wait for Nia to reveal my fate.