Chapter Thirty-Six #2
“Then last year, Tom reached out to me,” Sid says.
“Just after we got the acreage. He said he had a new sanctuary case from TNS. He wanted to meet me. He’d been on the docks when we sailed away, when he was only a kid.
Said we gave him the courage to try and escape one day himself.
And as he was giving me a hug and saying thank you, it hit me…
it was worth it. And maybe if there was someone with my story in government, even more people out there would hear about it. Then they might try to come here too.”
“That’s why you want to get into government?”
“One of the reasons. There are a lot. No one talks about it, but TNS is dying. The cracks were already showing while I was there. There aren’t enough smaller groups to prey on anymore.
Not enough stuff to scavenge. They’ve got loads of land, but not a lot of experience farming.
A few years from now, they’re either going to fall apart, and Salt Spring will get waves of refugees, or they’ll get their shit together.
Either way, we’re going to have to deal with them.
If that happens, I would rather we get ready to make peace.
I’m done shooting people. Who’s to say we would be firing at anyone other than a kid like Silas or me? ”
“Forgive TNS? That’s asking a lot of people.”
“Maybe not forgive them. But there’s got to be a better path forward than constant skirmishes with them.
That’s why I want to be on Council. I talk about immigration now because in the long run, I want to avoid a war.
” He twists his dead cigarette between his fingers.
“Now that we’re here, I don’t want to lose this. ”
“But you’ll be a public figure if you get on Council. You’re not afraid of people higher up in TNS recognizing you, considering how you left?” I hardly have enemies compared to him. All I did was run.
“Of course I am.” His voice is soft. “But I’m not doing it for them.”
Unbidden, a bright, pretty face framed by blonde hair rises into my mind’s eye.
Beth-Anne. Perfect, beautiful, doomed Beth-Anne.
I’ve got every right to be afraid of the Grand Astrologue and everyone else that helped support that regime, just like Sid fears the people he betrayed in TNS.
I would give anything to never see Astolia again.
But is that true of every person there? What if Beth-Anne had the chance to come here?
Guilt clutches at my heart as I realize that Sid, in my position, would try to save her.
And there’s only one way to help the people stuck there.
“How many demerits do you get…” I swallow, terrified of the question about to breach my lips. “… if you admit you lied on your sanctuary papers?”
Sid shakes his head. “I don’t know. I never did.”
“And you’ve never talked to anyone who…”
He shrugs. “I think it’s on a case-by-case basis.”
“Say I wanted to speak up. Say… say there was someone from Astolia who might come, if they knew I was here. Would it be worth it?”
“I think…” Sid runs his fingers through my hair. “That you’ll always wonder if you could have helped them if you don’t.”
My head is nodding before I’ve even made up my mind. “You’ll come with me?” My voice cracks like tumbling shale.
“Every step of the way.”
“I don’t know how long it will take. I can’t even leave the…” I swallow back the foam in my throat. “But I don’t want him to win.”
“Then let’s take that shitbag down.”
It feels good when laughter finally releases the tears from my eyes. It feels even better to collapse against Sid’s chest and have his arm wrap around me. When I squeeze the water from my eyes, I picture Beth-Anne.
“Hey.” I twist in his arms so that one of my knees slides in between his legs. His arms shift to my waist. “If I get more demerits, that might mean we get to stay married a bit longer.”
“Think you could handle that?” He pulls me toward him.
A breath catches in my throat as I stare up at him. My safe harbour. “I don’t think I could survive anything else.”
“Me neither.”
He bends to kiss me, and all those feelings I tried to push away bloom like a dandelion.
Deep-rooted, and impossible to get rid of, but bright.
Sunshine yellow and seeded with a thousand wishes.
That peculiar blend of cigarettes and pine holds command of me as I breathe him in.
My heart, pressed close against his, thrums like a ballad on James’s guitar.
When we break apart, I want to go straight back, but more than desire fuels me tonight. There’s one other truth I need to speak into existence.
“I don’t want to get divorced, Sid.” It tumbles out of me as I brace my hands against his chest. “I want to stay here and have this be my home. I want to live with you and—and I want kids. I want Carlos to teach me how to make pastry and I want to grow mushroom logs and I want so many things. I think I want a life.”
“Woah, were kids in that list?”
Shit, maybe I said too much. “Yes. At some point.”
“Oh. Okay.”
“Okay? Is that it?” My face burns.
“No. That’s not it.” He cups one of my cheeks in his hand. “I love you, too.”
“I—I should have said that.”
“You did.”
“Sid Charles, I love you.” The moment the words are spoken, the feeling grows, the truth becoming brighter the louder I let it live.
“And I love you.”
This time when we kiss, nothing else needs to be said.
I lean back into the pillows, drawing him with me.
Our movements are slow and deliberate, a testament to the belief we share that we can afford to take our time.
A lifetime together opens up in front of me, and while I’m still learning what the exact shape of it will be, I know he’ll be a central part of it.
I don’t know if I deserve to be loved like this.
It seems too incredible that a world filled with terrible pain has also given me the chance to belong somewhere again.
Perhaps there will always be whispering doubts that this could be taken away, but no matter how cruel fate may one day be, I find myself hopeful.
There will always be something about the world that is worth loving.
And even if joy isn’t permanent, neither is its end.
Like pine seeds after a forest fire, there will always be something that grows where pain once was.
And so I love him.
And so the world carries on.