Chapter 28
Twenty-Eight
Emory
“Damn,” Enoch drawled as he stepped into the kitchen. “You did all this?”
I rolled my eyes, grabbing the potatoes from the bottom rack before closing the oven.
“Jae helped,” I said with a shrug. I threw the mitts on the counter and glanced at Enoch. “You want to tell him the food is ready?”
“Not really,” he smirked, “rather just eat with you.”
“Shut up, shitbird. Go tell Jae and I’ll plate the food.”
Enoch groaned dramatically but winked and headed for the stairs. Anxiety suddenly twisted my gut. What if the chicken was dry? What if I put too much salt? What if they didn’t like it?
The thoughts buried my mind as I served the potatoes and carrots.
Enoch and Jae climbed the stairs.
“Dark meat or white meat?” I called out, pulling out a sharp knife to carve the chicken with.
“Dark,” Jae replied at the same time Enoch said ‘white’.
I nodded and filled each plate, hyperaware of their eyes on me as they each took a seat at the kitchen island.
“If you don’t like it, I can make something else,” I said as I set down the plates in front of them. “Oh, shit,” I cursed. “Drinks?”
Enoch’s hand landed on mine as I pulled it back from his plate. “It’s going to be great. I’ll get the drinks. You come sit.”
I stared for a moment, my brain buzzing with the need to keep moving. “No, I got it.”
Enoch pinched his lips together before nodding and releasing my hand. “Water’s fine.”
“Me too,” Jae added.
After everyone had a glass of water, Enoch pulled out the chair beside him, motioning for me to sit down.
After sitting, I stared down at the chicken on my plate. It looked dry. How fucking embarrassing to make a meal in thanks and completely fuck it up.
I just wanted to show him that I cared, that I loved him too.
“Shy?”
“Hm?” I asked looking over at Enoch.
“I said, let’s bless the food.”
“Oh. Right.” My foot shook against the leg of the stool as I realized how similar it all felt.
My brain couldn’t process the short prayer Enoch spoke. I was stuck reminding myself that Enoch wasn’t him. That I wasn’t weak. That if they didn’t like it, I wouldn’t spiral.
I watched in my peripheral as they both took their first bites. Jae moaned with exaggeration and Enoch turned to me with a smile.
“Amazing,” he said around the food in his mouth. “Seriously.”
“Agreed,” Jae chimed in with enthusiasm. “You are welcome to cook here any time you like.”
I took my first bite, trying to ascertain if they were just being nice or if it actually tasted good. The potatoes could’ve used less time, and I should’ve made a gravy from the drippings…but it wasn’t bad.
“Thanks,” I said with a forced smile. “Um, so…anything interesting happen at work today?”
Enoch paused in thought before shaking his head. “Well, nothing work related, but Ford offered to come over tonight to help me knock out the flooring for the rest of the upstairs. If that’s okay with you?”
I nodded. “Yeah. Of course. It’s your house.”
“I know,” Enoch said with a half-smile, “but it’s yours too. At least at the moment, and I didn’t want you to be uncomfortable. Did you end up doing anything to the guest room today?”
I shook my head. “No. I…didn’t get around to it.”
“Okay. You’ll always have time after my parents leave if you still want to do some projects,” he said with a shrug.
I nodded back, lost in thought. “Does he know about me? Was Ford there at the gym that day?”
Enoch looked a little surprised by my question but nodded. “He knows that we’re dating and that we used to date back in high school. But that’s it.”
“Okay,” I said with a head nod. “I, um, I’m excited to meet one of your coworkers…I mean, you’re friends too, yeah?”
Enoch chuckled. “Yeah, I’d say so. Not like best friends or anything, but…yeah.”
There was a beat of silence before Enoch asked Jae, “How about you? Everything still going smoothly for the opening?”
Jae leaned back in his chair, grabbing his glass of water.
“Yeah, I mean, for the most part. I’m mostly freaking out over the fact that the whole freaking family is going to be there. Like, what if it’s a complete shit show, you know?”
“It’s not gonna be a shit show,” I said with an eye roll. “You’d never let that happen. You’ve been working your ass off all week, and you’ve still got another week to get everything finalized.”
Jae scrunched his face with doubt.
“Shiloh’s right. You’ve got this. Do you need any help with anything?”
Jae sighed. “No. I’m just…imposter syndrome, you know? Like, what if it fails? There’s a lot more competition here than I initially thought.”
“And you’ve got nothing on the competition,” Enoch countered.
“Most of those other gyms only focus on the fighting aspect and they’re not mixed martial arts, only BJJ or only boxing.
What you’re offering is unique to the area.
You’ve got mixed martial arts classes in every specialty for adults and kids, plus you’ve got equipment for free use with general fitness classes. ”
Jae rolled his eyes and groaned, dragging his hand over his face. “Alright, alright. Maybe it’s going to be successful.”
Enoch chuckled, pulling Jae into a side hug. “You’ve got this, bro.”
I was happy for Jae. I was proud of him too. He deserved this to work out, deserved some goodness for all he’s sacrificed.
“I’m sorry I can’t be there for the opening party, but I’ll definitely be stopping by as soon as everyone leaves.”
There was an awkward pause of silence, and I studied Jae’s frown.
“You know, it really sucks that we can’t tell our family. They’d…well, they’d all be ecstatic to hear about you being alive and to hear about you and Enoch being together.”
My chest ached. What I wouldn’t give to be fully enmeshed in their family, to be a Reznikovsky, to one day be happily married.
My heart skipped in my chest. Marriage.
For just a moment, I let myself fantasize about a future where that might be possible, where I might be married to the man I’d always wanted.
But no matter how I envisioned it, there was never a reality in which that could be possible.
Even if Enoch wanted to stay together, even if I allowed him to be shackled to me forever, even if I believed I was forgiven and this guilt over my past finally lifted, I’d never be able to let him sacrifice his own future, sacrifice his relationship with his family all to keep me a secret.
“I dunno, they might hold a grudge against me, don’t you think?” I finally replied.
Enoch squeezed my thigh, shaking his head. “No. No way. They’d have no reason to.”
“I…I kind of tore you away from them. And I lied. And I hurt you, and Jae, and Sebastian. And—”
“And they’d get over it, just like Jae and I have,” Enoch said. “But we don’t need to worry about that right now, okay? Right now, it’s just between us. Right now, it doesn’t matter what they might or might not feel, because we aren’t going to tell them.”
I breathed with frustration, giving Enoch a look of disbelief.
“And how long can we keep this a secret, Enoch? This isn’t sustainable.
I can’t keep you from your family, Enoch.
You don’t deserve that, and I don’t want that for you…
I want you to repair your relationships, I want you to be close with them again.
And I don’t want you to have to lie when they ask you about your life. ”
Jae coughed uncomfortably. “This involves you too, Jae. You’re lying for me too.”
Jae put his hands up in surrender, “This is between you and Enoch. I’m already lying to our family about his alcohol addiction and getting sober. This whole thing,” he waved his hand between Enoch and I, “this is between the two of you.”
Enoch took a deep breath, putting his fork down, and leaned back in his chair to look at me.
I shook my leg against the stool, waiting for him to just say it, just finally admit that this needed to be over.
Fuck. My stomach hurt in anticipation.
“You’re right.”
The breath left my lungs in a sharp pant. I felt like he’d just stabbed me in the chest. I closed my eyes against the pain of it. Fuck, this hurts worse than I thought. Why the fuck was I expecting him to keep fighting me on this?
I dug my fingers into the seat of the stool. I wanted to bleed these feelings out, needed to. But it could wait. Wait until I was alone, back home.
Fuck. Fuck!
I startled, shooting my eyes open when Enoch pried my fingers away from the stool. He laced his fingers through mine, squeezing tightly.
“You’re right, baby,” he held my gaze. I was going to throw up.
My eyes burned and I blinked, trying to keep the tears at bay.
I could withstand this too. “I hate that I can’t share how fucking happy I am, how fucking in love, how fucking complete I feel.
That I can’t marry you right now and tell every single person I know.
That you can’t let my family support you, rally around you right now when you need it the most. But I’d do it all over again in a heartbeat, because I choose you.
” I swallowed, brow furrowed. “I. Choose. You. Every day for the rest of our lives. We make our own family. Right here, right now. It’s me and you and Jae against the world.
If we’re the only three people in the world to know the truth, then that’s enough for me.
As long as you’re here. As long as you’re living.
As long as you’re happy. Then I’m happy too. ”
My eyes stung and Enoch released one of my hands to grab a napkin from the counter. He began fanning my face with a small smile.
“I’m not scared of this, baby. I’m not scared of your past, of your messy pieces, of your scars, your nightmares, your memories. I’m not scared, baby.”
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I took a deep breath, desperate to keep myself from crying, but it’d been a rollercoaster of emotions since he’d gotten home.
“How?” I asked, voice taught with all the emotions I was trying to hold back like a tidal wave.
“Faith. I’ve got faith, baby. And I’ve got enough for the both of us. We’re meant to be. Our existence might be temporary on Earth, but you better believe I’m following your soul into the next life.”
Enoch dropped the napkin to hold my face. His thumb brushed beneath my eye, catching a tear. My vision blurred and I blinked, more tears cascading down my cheeks.
Enoch caught each one, leaning in close until our noses were almost touching.
“You want me?” he asked. “You want us?”
My heart raced. Fuck. More than anything.
I nodded, my chest too tight to get any words out.
“Then I’m not going anywhere, baby. It’s us against the world. Forever.”
Enoch leaned in, his lips sealing against mine.
My chest felt like it was going to explode. My whole body was shaking, as my hands gripped his shirt, holding him close.
I love you. I love you. I love you.
I couldn’t get the words out, but I told him just the same as I cried and kissed him back. Maybe one day I’d have the courage to say them out loud.
“Cheese and rice,” Jae said from beside us.
I released Enoch from my grasp, pushing him back, but he barely budged an inch, his lips just a breath away.
Jae sniffled and I peered over Enoch’s shoulder to see Jae wiping tears from his face.
“I think I just fell a little bit in love with my own fucking brother.”
Enoch burst into laughter, finally pulling away just enough to look over his shoulder at Jae.
“What?!”
Jae shrugged, “What, what? Sheesh. You can’t say anything these days.”
I laughed through my tears, my heart still pounding from Enoch’s confession.
Forever. Enoch wanted forever. Enoch wanted me forever.
I grabbed the napkin Enoch had dropped and threw it at Jae’s blurry figure. “Freak.”
Jae laughed and stood. “Shut up. I’ll get you some ice.”
My shoulders sagged. “Tonight was supposed to be about you guys. I was trying to thank you.”
“For what?” Enoch asked with genuine confusion.
“What do you mean ‘for what’? For-for everything. For letting me stay here, for putting up with my crazy, for forgiving me, for…loving me.”
Enoch kissed me again and I could feel the smile on his lips.
“I definitely appreciate the gesture; the food was delicious. But don’t feel like you owe me, owe us.
We’re family. Alright?” He kissed me again, pulling back and I flinched when he gently pressed a bag of ice to my eyes.
“Family doesn’t keep score. We’re a unit, we do things because we love each other. ”
“Family?”
“Yeah, Shy,” Jae said from somewhere nearby. “Family. We might not be blood, but we’re family. You literally died for us. And we would do the same for you, Shiloh. If you looked it up it in the dictionary, it’d just be a picture of Nox, you, and me under ‘ride or die’.”
An arm fell around my back and at the sound of his sigh, I realized Jae was hugging me.
I took a deep breath, letting their words sink in.
Family. I have a family.
“Say it,” Enoch urged. “My family loves me.”
I internally rolled my eyes with an audible scoff. “Seriously?”
“Yes,” Enoch implored. “I want you to repeat it over and over again, every day, ‘til all your doubts are pushed aside, ‘til you believe it. My family loves me. Enoch loves me. Jae loves me. Say it.”
I groaned, but as the silence dragged, I begrudgingly complied.
“My family loves me.”
“Go on.”
“Enoch loves me. Jae loves me. Happy?” I asked.
Jae squeezed me and I felt his body shake with what I assumed was silent laughter, unless he was crying again.
“Don’t worry, we’ll keep practicing. One day, you’ll believe it,” Enoch said with confidence.
I sighed, taking the ice from Enoch’s hands. I heard silverware clattering, and I assumed they were resuming our forgotten dinner.
“Say ‘ah’.”
“What?” I asked, trying to figure out if Enoch was actually talking to me.
“Open your mouth.”
“Why?”
“So that you can finish eating while the food is still semi-warm,” Enoch replied matter-of-factly. “Now, open.”
“You don’t have to—”
“I want to. Let me. Please.”
Fuck.
“You’re insufferable, you shitbird,” I muttered, leaving my mouth open.
He waited until he had pulled the fork from my mouth before speaking, “I love you too, baby.”
I could hear the smile in his voice and couldn’t help but smile back.
Enoch loves me. Jae loves. My family loves me.