Chapter 30
Thirty
Enoch
I blinked blearily into the darkness of my bedroom. There was a heavy weight on my hips, and I moved my hand, circling around soft fabric and someone’s leg that wasn’t mine. My eyes zeroed in on the silhouette.
Shiloh. What is she doing?
I was still trying to get my brain to wake up when hands crushed my windpipe like a noose around my neck.
Holy fuck.
My hands instinctively wrapped around her wrists, trying to get some of the pressure on my windpipe to release. My heart jackhammered in my chest as her wild eyes glared down at me.
“Where is my daughter?” she seethed. “Where the fuck is she? I swear to God, I will fucking kill you. Where is she?!”
Her hands tightened, cutting off my oxygen completely. My brain was buzzing, hanging onto the singular word. Daughter? I coughed against the pressure, straining my neck backwards into my pillow. I pulled at her wrists. She was fucking strong, but I was stronger. I just didn’t want to hurt her.
“Shi-loh,” I rasped.
“She’s mine!” she screamed with rage, pressing harder against my throat.
Fuck. The lack of oxygen was getting to my head. I prayed I didn’t accidentally hurt her as I easily bucked her off, rolling her onto her back, and her hands released my neck.
I dragged in a shaky breath. Her hands came up to claw at my bare chest. Even without long nails, she was easily doing some damage, and I captured her wrists, holding them above her head, against the pillows. I quickly leaned over, switching on the bedside lamp and we both winced at the brightness.
I turned my head, coughing as I tried to breathe past the burning in the throat.
“Shiloh,” I pleaded, leaning down into her space, so she was staring directly into my eyes. “You’re safe. It’s me. It’s Enoch. You’re safe.”
She blinked, her head swiveling around the room as both our chests rose and fell in rapid succession.
“Enoch?” she mumbled, her face scrunched in confusion. “Is this…are you real?”
My shoulders relaxed. At least she was lucid now.
“Yeah, baby. I’m real. I’m real. You’re safe.”
The door to our bedroom slammed against the wall and I turned my head to find Jae holding a baseball bat, ready to beat the shit out of someone. He stared at the scene in front of him, eyes bouncing between the two of us.
“What the fuck is going on? I heard screaming. And not the good kind,” Jae said slightly breathless like he’d just run up the stairs.
I coughed again, sucking down more air as I faced Shiloh.
She stared at me, the color completely drained from her face, wide-eyed and…afraid. I released her wrists and slowly climbed off of her body, sitting back on my ass, my heart still thrumming against my rib cage violently. I pulled her into my lap, holding her against my hot chest.
She’d scratched me to hell. I was proud of her for fighting back, but my head was still spinning from the adrenaline and being choked.
“Hello?!” Jae called, the bat falling to his side.
Shiloh startled at his voice. “You’re safe, baby. You’re safe,” I repeated, stroking her hair.
“I don’t know what happened,” she whispered. “I think I was dreaming and…”
Daughter. Did she have a daughter with her ex? I thought she said she miscarried.
I lifted my head from hers to look down at her face.
“Do you remember what you were dreaming about?”
Her brows pinched as she thought about her answer.
I took a breath and explained calmly to Shiloh, “You were telling me that I had taken your…daughter.”
Her brows knit with confusion.
“Yeah,” I nodded. “You were threatening to kill me if I didn’t tell you where she was.”
Her hand clamped over her mouth, her eyes wide with shock. She shook her head back and forth.
“Hey,” I crooned with a soft smile, pulling her hand from her mouth to hold it in mine. “It’s okay. I would’ve threatened to kill someone too if I believed they’d taken my child.”
“Fuck,” she muttered. “What if I had…what if I had grabbed my gun in my sleep and…” She trailed off in horror, her haunted eyes staring at me.
That thought did make my heart jolt in my chest, but I shook my head to disperse the what-if. Her face went white as a sheet and she ripped her hand from mine, shoving off the bed and racing towards the bathroom.
I was worried that she was going to lock herself inside, hurt herself in some sort of panic, so I scrambled off the bed to follow her.
I spent half a second surveying the bathroom before I was on my knees beside Shiloh in front of the toilet. I swiftly removed Shiloh’s hair tie from her wrist and secured her hair on top of her head.
She took short and shallow breaths, sweat beading on her forehead, eyes squeezed shut. It was only another moment before she was vomiting. I grimaced against the sound.
I could feel Jae’s eyes burning into the side of my face, but I ignored him where he stood in the doorway and focused on rubbing Shiloh’s back. She finally sat back on her heels. I quickly closed the lid and flushed the toilet before opening it up again.
Shiloh looked at me, and I pouted at her sad, clammy complexion. She shuddered and her teeth started to chatter. I noticed her hands curled into fists and I reached for them, unfurling them and holding her hands.
“I didn’t mean to,” she rasped, blinking away the glassy haze that had overtaken her eyes. “I promise, I didn’t mean to hurt you. I didn’t—”
“Shh. I know, baby. I know.”
I squeezed her hands, and she squeezed back, hard.
“Jae,” I said, not moving my eyes away from Shiloh’s face. “Hand me that glass of water from the bedroom?”
Jae was back in heartbeat, handing Shiloh the water.
She took a sip, waited a moment and then took another, filling her mouth and swishing around before spitting all the water out into the toilet. She grabbed a piece of toilet paper and wiped at her nose and mouth before using my shoulder to push herself to stand.
I turned around, watching as Shiloh grabbed her toothbrush and the toothpaste. Jae met my gaze in the mirror, his eyes flicking to my neck and chest where he could see the damage she’d done. “Are you good?”
“We’re good,” I nodded at Jae. “You can go back to bed.”
He hesitated to reply but ultimately nodded, leaving Shiloh and I alone.
When she finished brushing her teeth, I walked Shiloh back to her side of the bed, but she stopped, turning to face me. Her eyes lingered on the blooming red marks.
“Let’s try and go back to sleep, okay?”
She shook her head, trying to pull her hand from mine, but I held fast.
“I don’t want to hurt you again,” she pleaded, trying to remove her hand once more.
“You only hurt me because I was hesitant to stop you. I didn’t want to hurt you.” I cradled her face with my palm, using my thumb to stroke her cheekbone. “I promise.”
She didn’t look like she believed me, but I didn’t know what else I could say to convince her. Her eyes looked glassy, and she closed them tightly, leaning into my hand on her face.
“I…I’m so sorry.” She shuddered as she said it and I wished I could take away her fear, like I might be able to syphon it all into my body instead.
“I know. It was an accident, baby. Come here,” I beckoned, dropping my hand from her face so that I could climb onto the bed properly.
I settled on my back and pulled her body down to lay on top of mine. My chest stung from her scratches and my throat burned, but I ignored the pain and hugged her close to my body.
“I love you.”
She sighed, her arms squeezing against my sides as she hugged me back with a strength that made me hold her tighter.
“I love you. You’re safe, baby.”
God, give her peace so she can relax. Take away her fear.
As I tried to drift back to sleep my mind wandered back to the last time she had some sort of sleep-walking episode.
I remembered the prayer she had been crying out, and a horrible realization crossed my mind.
She thought she had been miscarrying that night.
When she woke up in my bed with her period, she thought that she was back with that monster, that she was going to get punished for miscarrying their child.
My stomach turned with nausea, and I ran my hand down Shiloh’s back, kissing her head as I breathed in the familiar scent of my soap in her hair. If I had to bet, I’d say that Shiloh wasn’t a willing participant in the making of any of those seven children.
Fuck! Why did she have to suffer so much? No human should have had to suffer through her childhood let alone what she went through just since I’ve known her.
Why hadn’t the FBI prosecuted him when they got her out of WITSEC? Why was that monster still walking around like he deserved to be free?
I kissed Shiloh again, sighing as I held her against my chest.
Fuck. How was I supposed to leave her for a week while my family was here? All I wanted was to stay by her side and keep her safe, keep her smiling and laughing, be there when the nightmares hit to hold her and soothe her.
This wasn’t fucking fair.
I realized maybe for the first time just how fucking unfair things were for her.
She didn’t deserve any of it, least of all still being punished by being forced to isolate herself from the people who would take care of her, love her.
The injustice of it all brought tears to my eyes, my chest tightened with the urge to scream.
I held her close, the feel of her steady heartbeat against my chest grounding me as I silently cried for her. For the little girl that survived hell, only to be thrown into another level at every turn.
No more.
I meant what I said. I might not be able to prevent every bad day, but I would sure as shit try my damnedest to give her the best days of her life from here on out.
◆◆◆
I’d been awake for a while, just watching Shiloh sleep. I took pleasure in knowing that she trusted me enough to protect her, even from herself. That she was able to look so peaceful in her sleep, her hair sprawled out across my chest.
She stirred, her head nuzzling my chest and I sighed, running a hand down her back. I could feel the raised scars through my t-shirt she was wearing, and I resisted the urge to ball my hands into fists.
“Morning,” she said, hitching her knee higher on my waist.
“Morning, baby.”
She sighed her finger tracing my chest. I winced away from her touch when she brushed one of the scratches.
She sat up abruptly, eyes scanning my chest, trailing up to my neck. She glared like they were offensive.
I gripped her jaw, making her look at me. “It’s okay.”
“It’s not,” she muttered, glaring at me.
I shook my head, rage swirling in my chest. I wanted to hurt him. I wanted to hurt everyone who had ever hurt her. I wanted to kill him, just like how she had wanted to kill me last night.
That was when it dawned on me. She thought I was him. Last night she thought I was the cruel, evil piece of shit that had been abusing her. And she wanted to kill him.
I rolled, pinning her beneath me, hand still squeezing her jaw.
“I want him dead.”
She blinked, brows bunching as she continued to stare at me.
“I want to kill him. I want to kill every single person who has ever put their hands on you. I want them to suffer; I want them to hurt worse than they hurt you.”
I pressed my lips to hers, unable to control the anger, the need to consume the self-hatred from within her.
She needed to know that she wasn't alone in her feelings.
She wasn't alone in her anger. She could want them dead.
But so could I. And I'd help her do it if the time ever came where I was face to face with one of her demons from her past.
“I want to burn every person that fed you lies, that made you believe you weren’t worth this, worth everything.”
She panted against my mouth, and I could see her pulse racing in her neck.
“You can hurt me anytime. So long as it’s not you, so long as you’re not hurting the person I love, you can do whatever you want to me. Scratch me, choke me, fight me, I don't care. Just don't you dare hurt yourself because your body deserves nothing but love.”
She tried to shake her head, but I grabbed the back of her neck, forcing her to look at me.
“I love you. All of you. Always.”
I waited for Shiloh to acquiesce before releasing my hold on her and giving her one last kiss.
No one was going to take her from me again.