Chapter 31 #3
I raised a brow, and he chuckled. “Do you really want all these details?”
“Yeah,” I shrugged. “If you don’t mind.”
Better I hear it from him than from Shiloh. She didn’t need to relive any of her past just to satisfy my curiosity.
“Alright. Well, it’s like this,” he explained putting up one hand, “you’ve got the socios,” and then the other, “and you’ve got the Ghosts.
Now, a socio was anyone who did something for the gang whether that be turned a blind eye to something or accepted a bribe, you get me?
” I nodded. “And a Ghost was the term for a member of the family, the gang, Los Siete. Now, within the gang you had a hierarchy system, like a boss, or a jefe in Spanish,” he said, speaking with his hands.
“And then you had different ranks within the family as well. Like, for example, my uncle, he was a matón…uh, enforcer I think in English. Basically, he was the guy who’d beat you up if you messed up.
Apparently, he was pretty close with the mayor, who was like supposedly one of the jefes.
It’s honestly kind of confusing, how my mom explained it.
It’s like a network of individuals, some of them with completely normal jobs, like the mayor, or doctors, farmers, etcetera, etcetera, that also operate legitimate business that they funnel cash through. ”
“Like money laundering?” I asked.
“Yeah. Exactly. That’s not even the half of it. I know they also dealt with trafficking people over the border. That’s how my mom ended up in the US. My uncle bought her as a gift to my dad, and they got married.” My eyes bulged as I stared at him with sick disbelief.
“Yeah,” he sighed with a sad smile. “Which is why I believe everything my mom said, and why I believe they’re more than capable of covering up the death of Shiloh and her brother. Hell, her father too. Unless you wanna believe what the neighbors said about immigration picking him up.”
My stomach flipped. I hadn’t thought about what Shiloh had told me. I assumed that ICE had indeed picked up her dad, but…maybe Carlos did kill him for her.
“I…Wow. I guess Granby being safe was all just an illusion with the—”
I paused midsentence when my sister stepped up behind Sebastian, leaning over his shoulders. Sebastian looked back at her, bringing her hand to his mouth to kiss.
“Amor,” he whispered, smiling up at her with adoration.
“Whatcha talking about?”
“Nothing,” I said, shaking my head and picking up my drink. I reached over and gave Sebastian a pat on his arm. “Thanks, man.”
“Yeah,” he said with a soft smile. “Thanks for not calling me crazy.”
I left them in search of some peace and quiet. I was craving contact with Shiloh after all that talking about her and I was planning to try and give her a quick call, but my mom cut me off on my way downstairs.
“Where are you off to?”
“Uh, nowhere. What’s up?” I asked, trying to smile naturally.
She narrowed her eyes and studied me. “I wanna spend some time with ya. I thought ya might wanna come with me to the store.”
“The store?”
She chuckled, running her hand down my arm. “I know, I know. Ya did an excellent job stockin’ the fridge, but there’s just a few things I need for breakfast tomorrow.”
I nodded, knowing that this was all just an excuse for us to have some time alone, away from the chaos.
“Let me grab my wallet. Are you ready to go now?” I eyed her sundress, and she smiled.
“Yes, just gonna say bye to Dad.”
“I’ll meet you out front.”
“Okay, honey.”
I quickly retrieved my wallet from my dresser and sent Shiloh a text.
I miss you.
I love you.
How was your lunch meeting?
I locked my phone and met my mom outside waiting for me beside my car. I wanted to be able to relax. I wanted to be able to enjoy my time with my family, but it felt wrong when I was hiding so many secrets from them.
The car ride was silent until we pulled out of my neighborhood.
“Gosh,” my mom said, staring out the window at the mountains in the distance. “I missed these views.”
I nodded, turning my eyes back to the road. “Yeah. Me too. I went on a hike yesterday, got to see some amazing views.”
“Did ya take bear spray with ya?” she asked with concern.
“Yes,” I said through a smile, “and I didn’t run into any or any moose.”
My stomach flipped at the memory of the photo I’d taken of Shiloh yesterday.
I’d promised her it wouldn’t go onto social media and she’d reluctantly agreed.
Her eyes were bright, stunning against the beautiful green backdrop of the trees and mountains behind us, capped with small bits of snow that never melted.
My phone began ringing through the car’s media center and I glanced down to see that Rick was calling me.
I declined the call, and my mom eyed me.
“A friend?” she asked.
“Yeah. We go to church together.”
“That’s right. Y’all go to a Seventh-Day Adventist church?”
I nodded, drumming my fingers against the steering wheel.
I really needed something to do with all this anxious energy coursing through my body. The punching bag in the garage at home was calling my name.
“And you’ve made friends at work too?”
I nodded again.
“Well, I’m glad you got a good community here.”
My phone chimed, flashing on the screen that Rick had left a voicemail.
“Voicemail?” my mom asked. “That sounds serious. You kids don’t usually leave voicemails unless it’s serious. Should ya call him back?”
I shook my head, “Nah. He’s older. Not a kid. Close to dad’s age.”
Her mouth flattened to a tight line, but she didn’t comment on it again.
I’d avoided speaking to Rick yesterday after church, eager to get back home to Shiloh and leave for our date. But I couldn’t avoid him forever, not when he could easily find me at work tomorrow. And he’d only get concerned if I didn’t respond at all.
Come to think of it, he was probably wanting to talk about the fact that I’d be getting my one-year chip in ten days. I smiled to myself, a sense of pride swelling in my chest.
Sober. In ten days, I’d be one year sober. Fuck, it felt good to say that I’d accomplished something I didn’t even think was possible in the beginning.
“Ya seem different,” my mom said, unable to keep from glancing at me as we pulled into the Fred Meyer.
“Yeah?” I asked, sending her a curious glance after I put the car in park.
She tilted her head, studying me. “I dunno what it is, but ya seem different.”
I shrugged, avoiding her gaze as I unbuckled my seatbelt. “I mean, I’ve just grown up I guess.”
I climbed out of the car, waiting for her to exit before I locked the doors.
“You have,” she said, bumping my shoulder. “I’m real proud of ya.”
I forced a smile, feeling uncomfortable with the compliment. “Thanks.”
I grabbed a cart and motioned for my mom to lead the way. While she was distracted picking out some fresh fruit, I pulled out my phone to listen to Rick’s voicemail.
“Hey, Nox. Just calling to check in with you. The family in town yet? Give me a call when you’re free.
Just want to hear how you’re doing. Let me know if you need anything and if you change your mind about telling your family about getting sober.
I know it’s tough but it’s part of recovery.
Think about it. Alright kid, talk soon. Bye. ”
I sighed, hanging my head as I rubbed the back of my neck.
I appreciated that Rick wanted me to tell my family, and I understood where he was coming from, I just didn’t want to deal with the disappointment or the concern.
It was smothering enough to have Jae and Rick on my case.
And letting my family in, letting my parents know the truth about how I’d fucked up and almost fucked up my future too… that was scary as hell.
Especially my mom. She’d be so hurt that she hadn’t been there for me, she’d be upset that I hadn’t come to her for help, and I knew she’d feel guilty for not seeing the signs that something was deeply wrong.
That the distance I had put between myself and my family wasn’t just because I was growing up, but because I was hiding an addiction to alcohol.
I startled at the hand that my mom rested on my arm and looked up at her with a smile.
“Ya sure you’re okay, honey?”
She was worried already about me, and she’d only been here for a few hours. I had to make it through six more days of this.
“Yeah. Just tired,” I said, standing up straight. “Ready to keep going?”
She stared for another moment at me, trying to niggle the truth out like she could rightfully sense I was lying, before nodding and I followed her along towards the dry goods aisles.
I hated that I was simultaneously wishing she would leave already and wishing she could stay and I could divulge all my secrets.
I wanted nothing more than to just free myself of the weight of it all.
I craved the comfort of her embrace, her wise advice and the security of her unwavering devotion to our family.
Because I knew that if I released it all, she’d be able to handle it.
She’d be able to carry the burdens, the heaviness of all my secrets and Shiloh’s too.
I needed some of her strength. I was desperate to feel adequate, feel like the family I was creating with just Shiloh and Jae was enough. Feel like I wasn’t just a boy who needed his mom because life was tough and this world was big and scary and unforgiving.