Chapter 40
Forty
Emory
I flinched against the tickle on my cheek. I smiled and hummed sleepily when I realized it was a hand caressing me. I turned my face to kiss Enoch’s wrist. My nose automatically scrunched at the smell of spicy cologne.
What the hell?
I ripped my eyes open with a gasp and jolted backward.
I stared into blue eyes, stunned by my racing heart.
A nightmare.
It’s just a nightmare.
“Livy,” he whispered in awe, hand outstretched to reach me on the bed. “Oh, my love. I’ve found you.”
My pulse thrummed and I stared and stared. It wasn’t real. I just needed to wake up.
You’re safe. He’s not here.
“It’s okay now. I’ll take you home.”
My brow furrowed.
For a moment, my heart stopped beating. I flinched as his hand fell on my cheek, his thumb stroking my cheek bone.
I eyed my bedside table. My gun. I needed my gun.
I squeezed my eyes shut. Fuck! This isn’t real. It’s just a nightmare. I’ll wake up soon and Enoch will hold me. Enoch will calm me down.
The fear on my face didn’t go unnoticed.
“It’s okay, my love. You’ll be forgiven. I promise. You can still be redeemed.”
His voice, he sounded so earnest and…desperate. I swallowed, opening my eyes to meet his blue stare.
“You don’t know how long I’ve prayed for this moment.
I thought you were dead. The blood in the woods—my love, I thought you were gone forever.
” He sighed and I swallowed, my heart pounding so hard in my chest I was certain he could hear it.
“You don’t know the things I’ve done, the lengths I’ve gone to find you. ”
A cold sweat broke across the back of my neck. Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!
He closed his eyes to sigh before smiling at me. “But you’re here now, and all will be well. This was a test from God. A test of our faith and our willingness to obey. He’s-he’s given me a vision. Rewarded me for my faith and I know how to break this curse.”
My hand trailed to my thigh, and I dug my nails in, the pain sending a momentary jolt of euphoria through my body. I dug deeper. Wake up. Wake up. Wake up, Shiloh!
“I’m sorry it took so long for me to find you,” he breathed, his forehead landing against mine.
He sucked in a deep breath. “Please forgive me. Forgive me for the things I’ve done to get you back.
I’ll accept the punishment, just know that I don’t regret any of it.
We’ll both be cleansed of our sins, be baptized and made new. ”
I could feel the blood on my fingers as I curled them deeper still into my flesh. But the nightmare never ended.
“Livy, tell me you’ve not hardened your heart after all this time.”
I swallowed, my mind racing to find the right response.
“N-no. I-I’m so happy you found me.”
The words tasted like acid on my tongue, but he believed them, his lips crashing against my own. My body went rigid as I forced myself not to move, not to react.
Why wasn’t this nightmare ending?
He pulled a breath away, sighing against my mouth.
“How? How did you find me?” I whispered.
He sniffled and one of his tears fell against my cheek.
“God’s timing. I never gave up hope. I never believed that you had died.
And I was right. God finally revealed to me the truth.
I've been searching for you since the night you left, I was worried that you had been taken, but I realized that it had become too much. The curse. It had become to much for you to bear and you returned to the outside world. The demons inside of you must have convinced you of it, I'm sure. But I finally broke down and hired someone to search DMV databases and they found your picture. I know it took me so long to find you, but I’m here now.”
My confusion was mistaken for fear as he continued, “Don’t be afraid. I’m not angry, my love. I know that the demons inside of you couldn’t be controlled before.”
This has to be a dream.
“I know it was hard,” he said, his thumb stroking my cheek in way that made my stomach knot. “I know that this was all a test from God. A test of our faith and our willingness to obey. He’s-he’s given me a vision. I know now how to break this curse.”
He smiled with reckless hope, holding my face closer to his. “My love, I know now what we need to do. I know how to free you from the demons you’ve been enslaved to. We can have our family we’ve been praying for. At last. We will have our children.”
Something about the way he spoke was different. I couldn’t brush off the fact that if this was real like it felt like it was, his tone, his eyes, the obsession with me hadn’t died in the last three years. It’d somehow gotten worse.
He suddenly released my face, rising from the floor to pull back the comforter.
“Let us start this journey made new. Let us cleanse you before we fly home.”
I released my hold on my flesh, curling my fingers into my fist before he removed the blanket.
No. The bathtub. No.
My body shuddered as the cold air met my skin.
“It’s okay, love,” he said with a sad smile. “I know it’s been a long time; I don’t expect you to have followed our ways, to have not sinned. Let’s get you cleansed and ready for this next chapter.”
I released a shaky breath, my limbs starting to shake.
“Can you walk?” he asked when I didn’t move to stand.
Fuck. No. This can’t be real. This can’t be real. This can’t be real.
I eyed my bedside table drawer again, but before I could make a decision to retrieve my gun, Theo’s arms were beneath my body, raising me from the bed.
I gasped at the sight of someone else in my room. Elder Mark was here too.
He gave me a soft smile and a nod of his head, and I calculated the chances of me being able to get my gun and shoot them before they could take me away.
Part of me was still terrified that this was all a nightmare, that I might actually hurt Enoch during whatever panic-induced hallucination was happening.
I screamed in my mind as we stepped into the bathroom.
It was going to be too late. I needed to make a decision.
Pray this was a dream, and that I woke up.
Or believe that this was actually happening and fight my way out of this situation.
My muscles were locked rigid as Elder Mark turned on the tap.
Fuck! My only hope was that if I survived the bathtub, it’d wake me from this freeze response, and I would be able to get my gun.
Theo placed me feet-first onto the ground. “Brother, please find her some clothes to wear when we leave.”
Elder Mark nodded and slipped past us, back into my bedroom.
Theo’s hands rubbed up and down my arms softly. “Quickly now.”
He reached for the hem of my shirt, and I stiffly raised my arms as he removed my long-sleeved shirt. Enoch’s shirt. I closed my eyes as he sucked in a sharp breath.
“My love,” he whispered, so much sadness in his voice. “What have they done to you? They’ve poisoned your mind, haven’t they? Convinced you to live in the evil ways of the world?”
I shuddered against the cold, hands fisted at my side as his finger ran down my tattoos and onto my stomach where the self-harm scars began.
He swiftly pulled my pants down, revealing the fresh wound on my thigh and the rest of my scars.
“No,” he muttered under his breath. He grabbed my wrists, and I imagined he’d found blood on my fingernails. His hand pulled my chin up and I opened my eyes. “You’ve been punishing yourself?”
I swallowed thickly and nodded, my knees knocking as I shivered. “I tried to purge the evil.”
He sighed with a sad smile, holding my gaze. “Let me help you. Surrender it all now and God will cleanse you.”
I’d been trying for so long to rid myself of the darkness crawling inside my veins, my mind, intertwined in my very DNA, that I only just realized what I’d done. Almost four weeks. Twenty-six days. All gone, all washed away in a blink as I’d gauged my skin out.
I released a heavy breath, my shoulders curling inward and took the hand he held out for me, allowing me to step into the water of the tub.
“Don’t be afraid. We will cleanse you of these demons, and all will be forgiven. Let’s go home, my love. Home. Hmm?”
My lips tingled, little spots filling my vision. The cold water sent a chill up my spine as it lapped up my legs. I tried to slow my breathing, tried to prevent myself from passing out. I couldn’t pass out. I needed to get through this. I needed to get through this and get to my gun.
I trembled, panting as the cold water stole my breaths and swallowed my ribcage, my limbs tingling and turning numb from the frigid temperature.
Theo knelt beside the tub, filling my field of vision with that look, the one where he was studying every centimeter of my body, like he could see straight through my soul and was memorizing it.
Why was this world so cruel? Why did the ounce of happiness, the flicker of a peaceful future with Enoch act like a beacon for every wrong thing to tarnish me?
I fought the overwhelming urge to cry, a sob building in my chest that made it even more impossible to breathe.
God, please, please, keep my family safe. Protect them.
My breath slowed, my mind started to grow sluggish, hyper focused on the fact that I was freezing and could hardly breath.
“Let the Holy Spirit enter and purge you of this wickedness,” Theo commanded.
His hand cradled the back of my neck, and I dragged in a sharp breath, preparing my body to be without oxygen.
“Come out unclean spirit, in the name of the Father, I cast you out.”
The water flooded my ears, and I was suddenly underwater. My muscles twitched, adrenaline kicking in that I had to fight against, forcing my body to relax and stay under.
If I obeyed, the quicker it would end. I knew what happened when I tried to leave the water too soon, when I fought against Theo’s hands holding me in the water—I wouldn’t survive this.
The water sloshed, my heart pounding, and I wished it would block out the sound of his voice completely, but I could still hear him. I knew the words by heart after all.
“—baptized into the possession of God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit.”
My body shivered, and it took all my effort to keep my jaw locked shut.
“—surrender to the authority of Jesus Christ, to have your sins washed away, to be given a clear conscience.”
My head reared involuntarily, but the weight on my chest kept me submerged. My mind was already screaming at me for air as my mouth opened. I tried to relock my jaw, but the water had already flooded my mouth.
“—raised to walk…” It burned, the water in my lungs, it burned like fire, and I thrashed, desperate for air. “Receive the gift of the Holy Spirit and be cleansed by the waters and His Word. You are born again.”
Water poured down my face as I was lifted upright, my lungs working to expand, to fill with oxygen only to cough, gag, choke on the water leaving my mouth. I continued to cough, until I’d vomited up the water I’d swallowed.
His voice hushed, hands pulling me from the water and wrapping me in a towel. My body ached, lungs on fire as I sucked in the cold air, shivering uncontrollably.
My eyes stung with tears that I had fought so hard to keep at bay.
No. No. No. I need to see. I need to get to my gun.
Theo was drying me off, my body swaying with how harshly I was shivering.
“Let’s get home, my love.”
My vision blurred, my pulse pounding in my ears. I drew in air, but I wasn’t breathing. My lips were numb, and I relented, releasing the sob, as Theo kissed my puffy eyes.
“It’s okay. It’s okay,” he soothed, pulling a shirt over my head. “You’re forgiven. You’re clean.”
An inky darkness tugged at my conscious mind as I stumbled into the sharp corner of my bathroom counter.
I wheezed, clutching my chest. They had sucked all the air from the room. I couldn’t fucking breathe. Panic coursed through my veins as I realized that I wasn’t going to be able to fight this. As I realized I was going to lose Enoch, again.
My eyes rolled back into my skull and arms caught me as the darkness pulled me under.