Chapter 50
Fifty
Emory
Enoch closed the laptop and wheeled the table away from over my bed.
I stared at my hands in my lap, trying to decide if I really believed what I’d seen.
If I could trust it, trust that Carlos, that every one of them, including Kit Walsh, were all dead.
Enoch said that the FBI had been monitoring the gang activity and there had been no word about me.
Just that they had been raided by the FBI.
If that was true, then maybe Carlos hadn't lied. Maybe the other jefes didn't know that I was alive.
It didn’t feel real.
But neither did the fact that I was here.
That I’d survived.
That Enoch was here with me.
That his family knew about me.
“Do…” Enoch cleared his throat, adjusting his position in the reclining chair beside my bed. “Do you feel safer now?”
“Maybe,” I said, unsure whether I’d ever truly feel safe again. “Why did they kill everyone? There…there were a few people who weren’t even holding a weapon.”
Enoch took a deep breath before answering, “That would be Bradley. He…well, he knew that keeping them alive wouldn’t do you any favors, so he told the team, the one we had hired, to kill on sight everyone they came across that wasn’t you or another potential innocent person.”
I blinked, unsure I had heard him right. “And they just listened to him? They killed them without question?”
“They knew what they were getting into, Shy. They were hired to do a job, and they did it.”
I nodded slowly.
“And your family…they’re safe too, right?”
“Yes,” Enoch said, squeezing my arm gently. “Everyone is safe. A few of the guys from the team are staying on until we figure out where you want to go when you get out.”
“Out?”
“Of the hospital. The doctor said maybe three more days and you’ll be discharged.”
My mind went to Anchorage. My friends.
I gasped.
“My friends!”
Enoch shook his head, “It’s okay. I told them we found you.”
“Found me?”
“Well…they were there when we realized you were missing. I told them it was your family that had found you but that I was handling it. They were a little hard to convince to not go to the police, but Jae made it sink in and I’ve let them know that you’ve been found and you’re safe and you’ll speak to them when you’re ready. ”
I sighed with relief.
“Where…where will I go after this?”
“Um…well, you can come back to Anchorage with me or my family has offered their home. Babushka has already filled the deep freezer with food for you once you’re home.”
My mouth twitched with a smile at her generosity.
“I can’t…I don’t want to go back to my apartment.”
“You don’t have to. Like I said, you can stay here in Harrisburg with my family, or you can come home with me and Jae. Wherever you decide, it’ll be safe, like Fort Knox—pun intended. It’s up to you, but you don’t have to make any decisions right now. Okay?”
I nodded with a weary sigh. My body was tired, but I fought the sleepiness, desperate to stay here in this moment where I was with Enoch.
I hadn't managed to stay awake for more than five minutes yesterday, but today I had more energy, or maybe it was just sheer will because I feared every moment my eyes weren’t open and on Enoch that I’d end up back in hell.
With little coaxing, I convinced Enoch to join me on the bed, ignoring the way I could feel my skin stretching against sutures as I rolled onto my side to give him room.
I could tell he was afraid to touch me when his body was rigid beside me.
I had the sudden thought that maybe he didn’t want to touch me.
My stomach rolled as I remembered the state my body had been in the last time I was conscious. I hesitantly raised my hand to my head, patting at the messy braid that was pinned to the top of my head.
I couldn’t feel anything crusted into my hair. No sign of dried blood or vomit.
“Sorry,” he chuckled softly. “I tried my best. It was hard to wash it without a proper showerhead and just a bowl and wash cloth.”
My throat ached with emotion. “You washed my hair?”
“Yeah,” he whispered. “The nurses kicked me out of the room, but they gave you a bath in the bed too.”
I sighed, trying to relax as I let it sink in that I was clean.
“I missed you,” he said, holding my hands to his chest.
I could feel his heart racing under my palm.
“How long was I gone?”
Enoch seemed as reluctant to answer as I was to ask as a pause of silence filled the gap before he responded, “Seven days.”
Seven days.
Seven.
Days.
It felt like it had been seven years.
How had I kissed Enoch goodbye only seven days ago?
“But you’ve been in the hospital now for five days. So, it’s been twelve days since…since I dropped out at your apartment.”
“Fuck.”
Enoch hummed in agreement.
“The pain medication they had you on was pretty heavy. You woke up several times, but you weren’t really…awake. They changed your medication this morning in hopes that you’d wake up and be more alert today. They want you to try eating something.”
Food.
That’s right.
When was the last time I ate something?
The image of Adrian shoveling lasagna into his mouth flashed behind my eyelids.
“I’m not hungry,” I muttered.
“That’s okay. You don’t need to do anything right now.”
There was a knock on the door and I tensed, the bed shifting as Enoch moved. I clawed into his shirt, and he stopped.
“I’m not leaving.”
Footsteps entered the room and my heart pounded.
“It’s just the doctor,” Enoch murmured, squeezing my hand that was tangled in the fabric of his shirt.
I heard something electronic whirring before the sound of hands being roughly rubbed together.
“I’m happy to see that you’re awake,” a male voice said, stepping around the curtain that had been blocking the small window that gave a view to the hallway outside.
“I’m going to ask a few questions, so we can get to know one another a little better. ”
I studied his appearance with distrust. Trying to tell if he could be someone here to hurt me, sent by Los Siete to silence me.
“What’s your name?”
I hesitated. Unsure what name they had on file. I went with the safe option, “Emory.”
“It’s nice to finally meet you, Emory. I’m Dr. Moore. I’ve been taking care of you. Can you tell me how old you are?”
“Twenty-two.”
“Very good. And do you know what time of year it is? The season?”
I had to think hard to recall what month it had been. Was it September now? Was that fall or summer?
“That’s okay if you can’t recall right now. How about you tell me how you’re feeling?”
“Um, the tube,” I said, one hand leaving Enoch’s chest to gently prod my nose. “It hurts.”
“Where does it hurt?”
“My nose and my throat.”
“I understand. Yes. The tube can feel uncomfortable. Right now that tube is giving you the nutrition you need to heal. What does the pain feel like? Scale of one to ten, ten being the worst pain you’ve ever felt.”
I grimaced, letting my hand fumble back to Enoch. “A one.”
“Are you in any other pain?”
“Not really.”
“Can you give me a number and a location for the pain?”
Honestly everything hurt, but the worst was in my back.
“My back. Maybe a two.”
“We’re going to have to change the bandages on your back later today, so we want to stay on top of that pain. Please let the nurse know the second it starts to hurt any more than a two.”
I nodded. He smiled. Was it genuine? Why did it feel sinister? Why was he looking at me so intently?
I watched his eyes bounce to the monitor behind my head, but I didn’t take my eyes off of him.
“We also want to see how your body handles eating something. Just a little bit of broth.”
The thought of eating anything made me want to vomit. “I’m not hungry.”
“Yes. That’s understandable. It’s not much though. And once your GI system wakes back up, you should start feeling hungry again.”
It didn’t sound likely, but I didn’t bother telling him that.
“Other than the pain and not being hungry, how are you feeling?”
What kind of question was that?
“I don’t know.”
There was a pause of silence before the doctor spoke again, “Okay. Well, I’ll let you get some rest. You page the nurse if you need anything.”
I nodded and his footsteps retreated.
Enoch kissed my cheek, and I hated the silence that sucked all the air from the room.
“So…what happens now?”
“Right now, we can do whatever you want. You can go back to sleep. We can turn the tv on…what do you want?”
“I don’t want to sleep.”
“Okay,” he said. “We can just lay here.”
I relaxed my grip on his shirt, my knuckles aching, and released a deep breath.
Everything felt like a dream, one I was about to find myself ripped out of at any moment.
“I thought I was dead.”
Enoch held onto my wrist tightly.
“I was hallucinating, I guess. But…my brother was there. He told me God didn’t want me to die yet. And then…and then it all happened so fast. And I was being carried out of there.”
“Well, your hallucination was right,” Enoch finally whispered back. “I told you. You’re not allowed to die without me.”
I didn’t want to think about what Enoch would have done if I had died. Not when he sounded serious in not being able to live without me.
“I thought I was having one of those nightmares. When Theo was in my room, I thought it was a nightmare. I didn’t grab my gun…
” I swallowed, wincing at the grating of the tube in my throat.
“I didn’t grab the gun because I was worried I was sleepwalking and I was going to shoot you. And then…then it was too late.”
Enoch’s thumb stroked my wrist, giving me goosebumps.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered, his voice thick with emotion.
“I fucked up,” I confessed. “Twenty-six days down the drain. I didn’t even realize, it was…instinct.”
“That’s okay. I don’t blame you. I don’t blame you for anything you did or didn’t do.”
“But I should have grabbed the gun.”
“You shouldn’t have had to do anything at all in the first place. It’s not your fault that he took you, Shiloh.”
I sighed, not wanting to argue with him.
“Thank you,” I said. “Thank you for looking for me, for finding me.”
Enoch cradled the back of my head, and I leaned into his touch. “You never have to thank me.”
“I love you,” I whispered, loving the rush the words gave me. They didn’t feel enough, like they didn’t encompass the emotions I felt for him. It was stronger than love, but I couldn’t find another word to describe it.
“And I love you. All of you. Always.”
Enoch’s mouth was gentle as his lips pressed softly against my temple and I knew I never wanted to wake up from this dream.