Chapter 2
Two
Shiloh
I was woken up by the familiar sound of dogs barking and the neighbors fighting.
It took several moments of staring at the white numbers on my alarm clock before they came into focus telling me that it was just after one in the morning.
I looked across the dark room to the empty mattress and frowned in annoyance that Javier wasn’t home.
Thinking back on the argument, I wondered what it was like to be in his shoes: twenty-one, high school dropout, drug dealer and apparently an important member in a large criminal organization.
I sometimes wished he’d left before he was beat-in, wished he had gotten out of here and started over.
I most of all wished he was happy, not stuck here protecting me, supporting our sperm donor and working for a gang—or alleged empire, whatever the fuck that meant.
Javi always said that I was the smart one, I was the one that was going to get out of here, go to college and live my own life.
And now that my eighteenth birthday was only seven months away, the idea of going to college was going to become reality if Javier actually found a way to help me get the money to attend.
I trusted him completely, and when he said he had it covered I knew I should have believed him, even if the idea of going away to school was unrealistic.
I’d never admit it out loud, but I was scared shitless.
I didn’t know if I could make it out there without Javier.
I didn’t know if I wanted to. I had tried so many times to convince him that he should come with me, that there was nothing good here for him, but, apparently, we would both be killed if he did leave.
It wasn’t fair that he was out there risking his life selling drugs, and God-knows-what-else they made him do, while I was going to graduate high school and maybe get out of this hellhole.
Maybe I should have just been happy that if I got out and he stayed behind at least he’d still be alive and for the first time he wouldn’t have the responsibility of raising me.
I heard a car door slam, followed by gravel crunching outside my window and wondered if Javi was home early, only there were two sets of footsteps.
Their voices were muffled until they entered the house, and I strained my ears to decipher who he was with.
“Pinche putas,” My dad’s voice bellowed loudly and slightly slurred.
Laughter filled the air and the hair on the back of my neck prickled with recognition.
“Ready to put out but always playing games. Shit,” Kush scoffed.
My dad laughed.
There was a moment of shuffling and some silence before one of them sighed loudly.
“That shit is good.” Of course, he only came because my dad promised him some of his stash. “Like too good. How the fuck did your cheap ass cop that?” Kush asked in a hazy tone.
“Mi hijo es leal.”
Fucking Javier. This is how he spends his fucking money?
That motherfucker promised he’d stop supplying Dad.
We almost got evicted a few months back because Dad had been stealing the rent money Javi gave him to go on weekend benders with Kush and Mickey.
Thankfully Javi sorted it with the landlord, but we lived off instant noodles for breakfast and dinner for so long I couldn’t even look at a package without wanting to throw up.
“Speaking of kids,” Kush said, his voice getting louder as I heard him walking down the hall. “Oh, güera,” he sang. “What are you up to in there?”
He tapped the door and rattled the handle a few times before sighing. “Don’t be like that. Come out and have some fun. There’s enough for you if you wanna hit,” he crooned as if he could persuade me.
“Fuck off, Kush!” I shouted, throwing my pillow at the door where it hit with a soft thud.
Fucking cumwipe.
He chuckled and his footsteps retreated to the living room.
I swiped my pillow from the floor, trying to find a comfortable position on my bed.
The muffled voices of their meaningless conversation drifted from the living room.
They were both pretty upset about something that happened at Velvet Room, Los Siete’s gentlemen’s club in Austin.
Annoyed that they were interrupting my sleep, I stared at my door until it was silent again and they presumably crashed.
To settle the chilling fear in the back of my mind that told me there was a chance they could get in, I double checked the deadbolt and tried to open our window that had been nailed shut years ago. I anxiously kept watch of the time as it rolled around to three, and then four in the morning.
Where the fuck was Javier? If that fucker stayed out again without telling me, I was going to be so pissed.
He knew I worried about him, the least he could fucking do was let me know not to wait up for him.
Why was I surprised? At least once a week he wouldn’t tell me beforehand that he was going to be gone for a night, or two, or three.
Didn’t stop me from having a fucking heart attack every time, thinking he'd been stabbed by one of his buyers or something.
My body jolted awake when there was a knock on the door. I must’ve dozed off for a minute. I squinted until I could read the clock— 4:27.
“Güerita, it’s me,” my brother’s voice said from the other side. I hopped up and unlocked the door, letting him slip inside, before quickly relocking it.
“You’re late,” I scowled, looking at the shape of his figure in the dark as he removed his shirt.
“I know, I’m sorry,” he mumbled. He cursed to himself as a thud resounded in the room. He must have run into the dresser.
“Did something happen?” I hesitantly asked, sitting down on my mattress.
His movements stilled for a moment before he answered in a clipped tone, “It’s nothing, Shy. Go back to sleep.”
I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms over my chest as he removed his belt and it clanged against the thin carpet. He groaned and I studied his movements as he slowly lowered himself to his mattress opposite mine.
“Doesn’t sound like nothing,” I said stubbornly.
“Go to sleep, Shiloh.”
I huffed and laid back down, grinding my teeth with anger at his unwillingness to tell me what happened and why he was so moody about it.
I was tired of watching him get hurt, of not knowing if he was safe when he’d sometimes be gone for days at a time. I didn’t need to deal with the stress of whatever this was when I had school and unfinished college applications taunting me for any ounce of hope I held for getting in.
I finally rolled my stiff body off my mattress when I saw the sun coming up through one of the missing blinds on the window and quietly grabbed a pair of clean clothes from the closet. Javi stirred in his sleep, always a light sleeper like me.
With the blanket over his head muffling his voice he mumbled, “Have a good day. Good luck on your Econ quiz.”
He rolled over with a groan, squinting up at me with a crooked smile.
“Puta madre, your face!” I whisper-shouted when he sat up slowly. “What the fuck happened?”
I knelt beside his bed, holding his chin to inspect the damage. The whole right side of his face was battered, his eye swollen shut. I would have forced him to get seen at the hospital if it weren’t for the stitches across his jaw, letting me know he’d already been given medical attention.
He groaned and swatted my hand away, revealing blood-stained bandages wrapped around his fingertips. Fuck. What did they do?
“Javi,” I stated warningly.
“It’s not what you think. I didn’t do anything wrong. I promise.”
He whimpered out a sigh as he slowly sat up, wincing in pain.
So, if it wasn’t a punishment, then…I hadn’t seen him this beat up since he was initiated. It wasn’t like they would make him beat-in again unless—Holy fuck!
“No!” I spat standing up and looking down at him. “?No mames!”
I shook my head in disbelief. Anger. Fear.
For the first time in years, I felt the prick of impending salty tears start to pool in my eyes. I quickly blinked them away, clenching my jaw, holding onto my anger.
“No me chingues, Javi,” I gritted out. “Pinche idiota. ?Eres estúpido?”
“Mira,” Javier licked his split lip and stared at his quilt. “Let me explain, Shiloh.”
I scoffed and shook my head. He wasn’t denying it.
“Why? Why would you fucking do this to us, Javier?” I demanded.
“Here you were just yesterday spewing all this shit about how if you tried to leave they’d murder me, and you went and fucking ranked up?
Dug your own grave while you were at it too, because there’s no way you’re getting out now that you’re not just any Ghost. What are you, like, in charge of a bunch of dealers now?
What’d Carlos promise you this time, huh? More money?”
He let out a sigh, wincing and grabbing his side again.
“I’m five years deep, Shiloh,” I mimicked a deep voice like Javi’s, “So, I’m just going to become a career criminal now and become some low-level boss in a gang.
” I scoffed in disgust, shaking my head.
“God, I’m so fucking stupid. You fucking told me that story yesterday about coming home beat up and here you are not even twenty-four hours later.
How long? How long have you been planning this, huh? ”
He shrugged, still avoiding eye contact with me. Fucking coward.
“Tell me, dammit. I swear to God, Javier, I’m going to fucking…
” I trailed off, cracking my knuckles and pacing around the room.
“What the fuck were you thinking, huh? Is this because I brought up paying for college yesterday? Because if you did this to try and get money for me to go to school, I’m going to fucking kill you myself for being so damn stupid. ”
He cleared his throat, and I paused long enough for him to speak.
“I did this for you, Shiloh. By passing this loyalty test, I’ve been sworn in as Carlos’s sucesor. I’ll be untouchable, which means you’ll be untouchable. That kind of power…Shiloh, that kind of power guarantees both our futures are secured.”