Chapter 27 #2
“Hey,” he suddenly said, making us stop.
“I’m sorry by the way. For spying on you.
” I nudged him in the ribs with my elbow and he chuckled, flashing me a smile.
“I know it was kind of fucked up to just have assumed it was drugs…and for the record, I wasn’t actually following you.
Like I said, we were there dropping off some soup and checking on you.
Anyways, I’m sorry. And I’m really freaking relieved that Jae and I don’t have to stage, like, an intervention or something. ”
He chuckled and I joined in.
“If y’all kidnapped me to stage an intervention I would’ve broken your faces and left you unable to reproduce.”
Enoch eyed me with mock hurt, and I rolled my eyes. The front door suddenly opened, and I tried to remove my hand from Enoch’s, but he squeezed tighter, pulling me into his side.
“Oh, hey,” his dad looked up, probably startled to see us standing right by the front door, and adjusted the grocery bag in his hand so he could lock the door behind him. “You guys want some ice cream? I grabbed vanilla to do some banana splits.”
“Yeah, sounds great. Shy?”
“Um, no thank you, sir.”
His dad shrugged passing us in the hall, calling over his shoulder, “Jae. Banana splits. You want one?”
“Yes!”
“I’ll doctor ‘em up and bring them into the living room.”
Enoch thanked his dad, and I watched him walk away into the kitchen. Enoch tugged us forward.
I leaned over to Enoch’s ear. “So, Jae thinks I’m doing drugs too?”
“Um, yeah. Well, I mean, he was kind of the one who thought you were high a while back. That night you came for the sleepover. He thought that you were giving off vibes…” Enoch trailed off, stopping just outside the living room to look at me.
I cringed, chewing on my cheek, not wanting to lie to him because he was definitely right.
“Oh,” Enoch nodded slowly, reading my silence as confirmation that Jae was right.
“I swear, I’m not usually doing things like that. It was just an edible. I was nervous about coming over and it’d been a week since…Javier died.”
Fuck, stop lying, Shiloh.
“It’s okay. I believe you. Just don’t tell him he was right. That fool has way too big of an ego with his ‘vibes’ he gets. He doesn’t need to know he was actually right for once,” Enoch chuckled.
I nodded and motioned for us to head inside the living room where Jae was waiting to start another episode.
My cheeks felt hot as Jae peeked over his phone at our intertwined hands, and Enoch pulled me down so that I was seated right beside him.
Our thighs were touching, and it sent butterflies pulsing in my stomach.
Fucking hell. He likes me! He actually likes me. ME.
I realized I was smiling and quickly blanked my expression.
Enoch pulled his fingers away from mine.
I was momentarily sad but then he slid his hand over my thigh, his fingers giving me a soft squeeze before settling into a rhythmic stroke of his thumb back and forth over the fabric of my leggings.
My heart skipped a beat, and I prayed he didn’t try to hold my hand again because it was sweating with nerves.
Jesus. Holy Fuck.
I tried to pay attention to the show but all I could think about was the fact that he was touching me.
Knock it off, Shiloh. You’re not a fucking virgin and he’s never going to actually touch you.
Oh, fuck.
Reality came crashing down on me and the urge to vomit was suddenly overwhelming, again.
I’m such a fucking piece of shit. I’m leading him on like a fucking cumwipe fuckwit. And if Carlos found out that I had a boyfriend? That I was pursuing someone other than Theodore?
FUCK!
I can’t just pretend that I’m normal. And he fucking begged me not to lie to him.
That’s all I fucking do. Lie. Lie. Lie. And lie some fucking more.
My eyes pricked with tears, and I closed them trying to hold them back. My throat ached with the urge to cry.
What am I doing? I need to leave. I need to get out of here.
What if Carlos finds out about Enoch?
What if he hurts them after I’m married off to make sure they aren’t a threat?
I jumped when Enoch’s eyes came into focus in front of my face.
How did he get on the floor?
I blinked rapidly looking around to find Jae holding a glass of water out to me.
“Hey, you’re okay. How about some water?” Enoch said, grabbing the water from Jae and tipping the cup up to my lips.
I forced the cold liquid down my throat, realizing as it sloshed down into my queasy stomach that I was breathing way too fast.
“What’s happening?” My voice cracked as I stared back at him.
“Just a little anxiety. It’ll pass,” he said confidently.
I gulped down some air, my lips starting to feel tingly. I licked them, trying to bring feeling back to them.
Fuck. Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Don’t cry, motherfucker.
“Enoch.” My voice was a distant whine that didn’t even sound like me.
“I’m right here. You’re safe. You’re in the living room with me and Jae. We’re just watching a show together and everything is alright. You are safe.”
Safe? God, I wanted to scream. I wasn’t safe. I’d never be safe. And neither would he and his family the longer I selfishly spent time with them.
He grabbed my hands, the water cup now on the coffee table. He placed my hand on his chest, right above his heart, pushing his hand over mine.
“Feel that? That’s my heartbeat. You feel how steady it is.”
I squeezed my eyes shut, focusing on the thud, thud, beneath my fingers.
Fuck me. I can’t do this.
I need it to stop.
I can’t fucking breath. Something is wrong.
Something is wrong. I’m going to fucking die.
I can’t breathe!
Fuck, fuck, fuck. I can’t breathe. I can’t breathe.
I need some drugs. I need something right now.
I need some. fucking. drugs. NOW.
“Make it stop,” I rasped. “Please.”
Blood. So much blood. It’s wet and sticky, slippery beneath my body. It’s soaking my clothes, and I can’t get up. Kush is crushing my body.
The gun is heavy. Too heavy. It feels rough yet I’m clutching it like I might accidentally drop it. I just want him to stop screaming, want them to stop hurting him. He’s begging and I still can’t do it.
“Cinco.”
I yelped, ripping my eyes open and shoving the cold and wet bag of something frozen from my chest.
“Leave these on your chest. Focus on the feeling.”
“No, I can’t. I can’t breathe!”
I clawed at the sleeves of my sweatshirt yanking it over my head and off me. It was fucking strangling me. I needed to fucking breathe!
I pushed away from Enoch and Jae, their stares on me felt like knives. I spun towards the doorway, tripping over my feet, Enoch’s arm around my waist keeping me from face planting.
Fuck, his dad is here too. He’s going to know.
Fuck I’m such a fucking waste of space.
Why the fuck am I here? I need to leave.
Why is he blocking the doorway?
Oh, fuck. He knows. He knows what I’ve done. He’s going to tell Carlos.
“Cuatro”
FUCK! I need to leave. I need to leave. I need to leave. I need to leave.
Little black dots were floating in my vision, and I pushed Enoch’s arm away from my body.
PAIN. A scalpel pressed to a stranger’s scalp. Javier’s hand digging the blade into the man and peeling back his entire hairline. The screams of agony.
“Tres”
I squeezed my eyes shut, my hands pulling at my hair, the tiny stings of pain letting me know I was ripping out strands of my hair.
Fuck.
Yes.
Pain.
I dug my nails into my forearms, scraping with as much force as I could muster. The dam finally broke and tears were leaking. I choked on sobs, the room an unrecognizable blur as my vision faded.
If I just hurt enough it’ll stop. I just need it to stop.
I continued violently digging my way out of my own skin.
The pain barely registered.
Bitter powder in my nose. My tongue on his dick. The room is spinning. I’m moaning and I let them use me. I beg for more.
No, no, no. Jesus, fuck.
I can’t. I can’t. I can’t. I can’t.
“Cierra tus ojos, güerita.”
“Dos.”
“Te quie-”
Blood. My hands.
I need to get it off.
My body was suddenly trapped, my arms pinned to my sides, and I tried to force my way free. I was breathing through a fucking straw and someone was on top of me.
FUCK! Not again! Not again! Not again!
“Let me go! Let me go! LET. ME. FUCKING. GO!”
I couldn’t see. I couldn’t hear anything except a high pitch ringing in my ears.
Make…it…stop…