Chapter 30
Thirty
Shiloh
The hot cups of coffee in my hands were doing nothing to help my sweaty palms as I walked from the free cafe inside the church’s lobby over to the table where Theodore was waiting.
I could feel his stare tracking my every movement, but I refused to meet his eyes until I reached the table that we were sharing.
Just like Sunday, his blue eyes felt like they were penetrating my soul. He looked at me with such intensity that I was beginning to think Carlos was right. He was obsessed with me for some bizarre reason, but I was going to use that to my advantage.
“I should have asked how you take your coffee,” I said with a shy smile as I placed our drinks on the table. “Sugar and milk?”
“Yes, the half-and-half and two sugars. Thank you, love.”
I carried his cup over to the small station set up with various options to doctor your own coffee. I removed the lid to his drink and made it as he asked. When I turned around, he was on his phone, and I was relieved to know that he hadn’t been staring at me the whole time.
Theo placed his phone in his pocket when I returned.
He immediately sipped his drink and hummed with contentment. “Perfect.”
I smiled and grabbed my own drink for something to do with my hands. I didn’t need any more caffeine in my body. Certainly, wouldn’t help my mood to be even more anxious than I already was.
“I was disappointed to hear that you weren’t staying at the shelter.”
My brows furrowed with confusion. “What?”
Theo smiled, dragging his thumb up and down the side of his coffee cup. “I just couldn’t stop thinking about you and I wanted to make sure you were alright. I had stopped by, but they told me you were no longer staying there.”
“Oh. That was…kind of you to want to check on me.”
He cocked his head to the side, studying my face. “Does that upset you? That I went to find you?”
“N-no. I’m not upset. I’m…I’m just surprised that you wanted to see me again so soon.”
He smiled and shook his head. “I don’t think I could ever not want to spend time with you. And as much as I loved seeing you at the church service, it would have been better to spend some time alone like we are now. It was the highlight of my week when I got your message yesterday.”
“Really?” I asked.
“Why do you find that so hard to believe?”
“Well, I don’t really look like someone worthy of your attention. I’m not like the other women here…not like Martha.”
Theodore’s lips thinned to a line at the mention of Martha. “Maybe that’s why you’ve caught my attention, Olivia. You’re nothing like them. You’re smart, inquisitive, resilient and so perfectly designed that I can’t keep my eyes off you.”
I could feel my face getting red with the compliment even though it felt wrong.
“If you say so,” I said, covering my mouth as I bit back a smile.
He watched me in silence, sipping his coffee and studying me like he was cataloging every micro expression.
“You mentioned before that if I was interested, I might be able to move to Eden.” His eyes widened slightly so I continued. “I know that isn’t an immediate option, but I was hoping you would be able to tell me more about what I need to do to join the church officially.”
“You would go through our Reformed Life Studies program and once you completed the program you would be baptized and be offered a place in Eden.”
“What do I need to do to get the process started? I really…I really don’t want to continue bouncing between shelters.
I want to be here, you know? It just…it feels like home with these people.
I like how kind and loving everyone is. All the women support each other and it’s like everyone knows exactly what is expected of them and I just want… that.”
The smile on his face encouraged me to continue.
“I want someone to lead me closer to God. I want to find a husband to grow with. I want to fulfill my duty and raise children to know God. It sounds crazy…” I trailed off, fidgeting with my cup.
“Does it make me weird to want those things when I’m so young?
I just feel like everyone would judge me out there if I said any of this out loud.
But I don’t want a career. I don’t want to go to college to do a man’s job.
I want to be cared for like God intended. ”
I looked up to meet Theo’s gaze and could see the excitement in his eyes at what I had confessed.
“You aren’t crazy, Olivia. You are fighting a battle with Satan.
He wants to convince you that you should be listening to evil and sin and not the Holy Spirit who is working inside you right now to guide you towards a foundation in Christ. Satan is trying to steer you away from us, from me.
But I know—I know—that God introduced us for this very purpose. ”
He paused, seemingly debating over his next words. “I don’t mean to scare you with this, but I feel with such a strong conviction that God created you to be my wife, Olivia.”
I blinked, struggling to find the right words. “You do?”
No fucking way. No fucking way. Oh, thank you, God. Thank you, God. I needed a fucking win, and this is a fucking win.
He nodded. “Let’s go to my office.”
I nodded, and quickly stood, collecting my still full coffee cup and following him towards the main lobby entrance.
We passed several groups of people who all acknowledged Theodore with a greeting before we were alone again and walking down a long hallway lined with doors.
He paused before a door with his name on it and took a moment to find his keys in his pocket before ushering me inside.
He led me to one of the wingback chairs in front of his desk and set his drink down.
“If you’ll excuse me for just a moment,” he said with a hand on my shoulder.
I nodded and watched him leave, closing the door behind him. I glanced around the room, noting the full bookshelves and framed portraits of him and his family.
I released a deep breath, my head still reeling from his confession. The guy had known me for a week and was already convinced I was meant to be his wife. It should’ve been sending alarm bells in my mind, but the only thing I felt was relieved.
Relieved that I was going to get out from under Carlos’s thumb for a while, relieved that I wouldn’t be responsible for another innocent life being forced into this position.
Relieved that this man appeared to be a genuinely kind man who would take care of me, that I might actually be able to build a meaningful relationship with him.
Relieved that God seemed to be working things out in my favor.
As if this was where I was actually meant to be. As if my redemption could be found here with these people. As if following their beliefs and traditions might bring me closer to God who might absolve me of the blood that stained my hands.
There was a rap on the door before the doorknob squeaked, and I turned in my chair.
An elderly man’s gaze landed on mine before bouncing around the room and back to me. “Hello, dear. Does Theodore know you’re in here?”
“Um, yes. He’s just gone to the restroom I think.”
The man nodded, pushing the door fully open and inviting himself inside. He came to stand beside Theo’s desk, bracing his weight against it before clasping his hands in front of his belly.
“I think I recall seeing you this past Sunday. What was your name, child?”
“Olivia.”
He nodded with a smile and shifted his weight like he was uncomfortable standing. “And how did you find the sermon this week?”
I took a moment to recall anything about the sermon.
“It was very insightful. I’ve never heard about the kind of love from God that Reverend Kit spoke about.
How even before our very existence that we are valued.
It gave me a great sense of peace knowing that God sees a need for me and has a purpose for me. ”
“Yes.” He nodded emphatically. “God has had a purpose for you from the moment you were conceived. You’ve existed in His timeline long before you existed in ours, and every hair on your head is viewed as precious to him.”
“I was telling Theo, I mean, Elder Theodore, that I can’t help but question how skewed things have become in our country.
It just feels so wrong the way the rest of the world is living.
With the all the politics and division, it’s just disheartening, I guess, to see that the majority in our society is on the wrong path. ”
“Yes, child,” he smiled brightly at mean, pointing at me. “That’s precisely why our Reverend Kit is on a path to step into politics. We need a voice in this country. One that will serve us and serve The Lord righteously.”
“I was expressing my eagerness to learn more about joining the congregation to Elder Theodore. He mentioned a study program.”
“We’re always looking for lambs to shepherd,” he said with a smile.
“I’ve already let Miss Olivia know that should she choose, she’d be welcomed with open arms at Eden.
” I was startled at the sound of Theo’s voice and leaned over to look around the chair.
His father was standing beside him in the doorway, and I nodded in greeting with a smile.
My palms were so sweaty, I prayed no one wanted to shake my hand.
“She’d need your approval, but I think she would be an excellent addition to our Reformed Life Studies program.
I think she would really take to the program and all that it has to offer. ”
“Hm.” Kit seemed to be contemplating his son’s words.
Fuck, don’t screw this up for me. Don’t screw this up for me.
“Father, I think that she will make a respectable, God-fearing, and husband-honoring, wife. She’s young enough to unlearn the sinful ways of her worldly life.”
I dared a glance and found Kit already staring at me. I quickly turned my eyes back to Theo.