Chapter 35 #2
I sighed deeply debating whether it was worth telling him the story. His fingers trailed back up the sides of my waist until he was fidgeting with the hem of my sweatshirt. I shuddered and his eyes filled with mirth.
“So?”
“Um. Right. Hair.” His hands slipped beneath the hem of my sweatshirt and his fingers brushed against my stomach leaving a trail of goosebumps.
“My dad buzzed it off when I was like seven. Full on Eleven buzzcut. Although, I definitely didn’t pull it off like she did.
I looked like a pediatric cancer patient. And, uh, haven’t touched it since.”
“Did you get, like, lice or gum in your hair or something?”
“Uh, no. He just decided I was a being a brat one day and buzzed it off.”
He hummed in thought, his fingers still tracing shapes against my stomach and ribs.
“That sounds like a really good reason to not get another haircut.”
My breathing was awkwardly loud in the room, and I wished I wasn’t so affected by just his hands on my ribcage. I could feel the fire beneath my cheeks running down my chest.
“Was it something I did or said the other day?”
It took me a moment to process what he was referring to, his hands on my body were causing my brain to malfunction.
“Um…no. No. It wasn’t you.”
“Okay, then tell me what happened.”
His hands were stopped at my sports bra, and he traced the hemline, causing my breath to catch in my throat.
Jesus, he was getting me turned on and he wasn’t even doing anything overtly sexual.
When his hands stopped moving, I realized I had closed my eyes and opened them to find him watching me intently.
“Is it about your brother? Your ex?”
I huffed in annoyance that he was being so insistent.
“Sort of.”
His hands started moving again, gently stroking from my waistband to the edge of my bra.
“Why were you hurting yourself?”
My cheeks heated to another degree, and I drew my arm up and across my face in an attempt to hide my shame.
“I dunno.”
His hands didn’t stop or try to move my arm away, but the questions kept going. “I think you do.”
I nodded and tried to just focus on his hands and not the way my mind was replaying scenes of all those flashbacks that had played in my mind that day.
“Do you usually hurt yourself when you’re having a panic attack?”
“No.”
“So, this was the first time?”
I sighed again in irritation but relented by deeming his question a response. “Yes.”
“So, what was the trigger?”
I ground my teeth together, again trying to focus on his hands and the way he was making me feel.
“What do I get if I tell you?”
I heard him smirk and waited.
“A kiss?”
I rolled my eyes and removed my arm from my face. “I definitely should get more than a singular kiss if you’re forcing me to be honest.”
“Alright. As many kisses as you would like, then. Better?”
I chewed my lip letting the tension build before finally nodding my agreement.
“It wasn’t anything you did. I just couldn’t get my brain to shut up. I was reliving the day my brother died. I was there when it happened.”
I don’t think Enoch was expecting any of those words to come out of my mouth because his hands abruptly stopped and he stared at me, lips parted.
“Fuck me,” he muttered.
“That can be arranged,” I smirked.
“Stop deflecting. That’s heavy shit, Shiloh.” He gave me a stern look and I rolled my eyes. “You saw him commit suicide? What happened?”
He blew out a breath before resuming his caressing.
His brown eyes still held my stare as I battled with myself.
Sharing details with him would cause a crack in the concrete wall guarding my secrets.
I didn’t know how much pressure it could take before it crumbled against the weight of everything inside.
“Gunshot to the head,” I whispered.
I watched Enoch swallow thickly and his hands stilled, his fingertips digging into my skin.
“Fuck.” It was barely a whisper but with the complete silence surrounding us it felt like a shout. “Shiloh, that’s…that’s horrifying. No wonder you had a panic attack.”
In some move I probably shouldn’t have been so impressed with, he had switched our bodies around so that he was lying on his back and I was now straddling his hips.
Enoch’s arms wrapped around my back until we were lying chest to chest. Even his legs folded over my own until every part of me was cocooned in his hold.
“Oh my gosh, Shy. Just…just let me hold you for a while.”
I let my body weight fall into his, the sound of his pulse drumming against my ear as I burrowed into his chest.
If this was how he was going to react to the most minor detail, there was no fucking way I was going to be able to ever share anything else with him.
No that I would ever burden him with the gory and perverted details of my fucked-up life.
He didn’t deserve that. And I was sure he wouldn’t fucking want that either.
Not when I was about to leave him. Because when I left for RLS, I promised myself I wouldn’t crawl back to him if things went to shit. I wouldn’t put him in danger.
I kept myself in the present by counting his breaths. Three seconds in. Four seconds out. Pause. Four seconds in. Three seconds out. Pause.
Until finally my eyes couldn’t stay open, and I drifted to sleep.
???
My face tickled and I tilted my chin in the opposite direction. The wet sensation followed me. I smiled.
“What are you doing?”
“I owe you unlimited kisses,” Enoch’s warm lips murmured against my skin. My stomach flipped with butterflies, and I craned my neck farther, allowing him better access to kiss my neck.
I gasped when his tongue brushed across my pulse point, his lips kissing and teeth nipping across my earlobe and following a trail down to my collarbones.
I couldn’t stand the teasing any longer and gripped his head to force our lips together.
He laughed into my mouth but was quick to match my pace.
Enoch’s body curled over the top of mine and I hitched my leg around his waist, dragging his hips down against mine.
I shuddered when I felt just what exactly was pressing against my thigh.
I just wanted to get closer. Crawl inside his skin and carve out a home for myself. And he seemed to be having the same feelings as his hands wandered across my body, pressing us as closely as physically possible.
My heart was racing and, fuck, did I want him to do something to ease the craving for more. His hand kneading my ass wasn’t enough and I rolled my hips up, grinding myself against his leg. He moaned, causing my lips to vibrate and a smile to pull at the corners of my mouth.
I didn’t have any plans of stopping anytime soon, but unfortunately fate decided otherwise, and the bedroom door swung open followed by a shriek.
“Bleach! I need bleach! Help!”
Enoch tucked his head into my neck and groaned. I couldn’t help the laugh that escaped me at the sight of Esty covering her eyes and still whining.
“Good grief! You’ve got to remember to leave room for the Holy Spirit. When you’re not doing…that, come downstairs for dinner.”
A muttered ‘gross’ followed her retreating figure, and I chuckled at Enoch’s unwillingness to get off my body as I tried to shrug him off.
“On a scale of one to ten, how badly do you think we scarred her?”
Enoch laughed against my skin and finally raised his head, pressing several soft kisses to my lips before lifting his body up and away from my own. He held out a hand and helped yank me to my feet.
“By the way, your phone was going off while you were sleeping.”
Probably just Adrian making sure I was following orders and keeping my mouth shut. My stomach clenched at the fucked-up complicated shit he had thrown my way. As if I needed any more fucking stress in my life.
Enoch’s hands held my waist, causing me to blink up at him.
“Okay. I’ll check my messages after dinner. Let’s go.”
“Wait.”
I raised my brows in anticipation and his left hand came up to cup my face. His brown eyes studied me intensely, and I shifted my weight under his gaze.
“Thank you.”
My face scrunched. “For what?”
“Opening up. Sharing something really difficult with me.”
“Yeah, well, I was promised infinite kisses in return, so…” I shrugged and smirked at him.
His lips twitched with a smile, but he narrowed his eyes. “You don’t have to do that with me. You don’t have to deflect. You’re safe with me.”
If only you knew just how safe you make me feel.
I rolled my eyes and stood on my toes to reach his height. “But the kisses were the best part.”
He squeezed me against his hips, leaving me with another breathless kiss before letting me go and moving to his door.
“Come on, Shy,” he called over his shoulder as he strolled down the hall away from me. “I know you can’t say no to food.”