Chapter Twenty-nine
The following morning, Flynn had a few hours off and so handled the total implosion of his life in the only way he knew how: he took off on his bike.
Twisty roads took a lot more skill and concentration but, most of all, you forgot everything else except your ride. He felt like he was going a lot faster and it was more exhilarating than a long straight road.
He wasn’t a fair-weather biker, although only a fool deliberately sought out ice and snow.
Black ice was the worst nightmare. If you were already banked over and hit a patch, you were off.
But even if today wasn’t a clear, relatively mild day, he might still have risked it just to get away from the castle and the maelstrom of thoughts inside his head.
He rode up the west coast towards Keswick, the mountains and lakes whizzing by. He stuck to the speed limit and didn’t take any risks, but he knew damn well he was riding at the limit of his abilities.
Eventually, he pulled up at a roadside café at the top of Bassenthwaite Lake for a coffee and comfort stop.
The keen wind whipped up whitecaps on the lake and chilled his face. Flynn allowed himself the time to dwell on the damage he’d inflicted on the person he’d begun to care deeply about: Lara.
What was she going through? Was she really as OK and as understanding as she’d led him to believe? Or was that all part of an act to make him feel better?
Suspecting the truth, Flynn didn’t dare to delve any deeper. He had started to come to terms with his new family, getting to know them – and persuading Molly to let her mother and grandmother know that he was now part of their lives.
He couldn’t see them being any happier about the new reality than Lara.
Probably less so. He also wasn’t sure how he was going to react when he met them: if he’d only known about Molly sooner, he could have built a relationship with his child, watched her grow up, and played the role that fathers were meant to play.
It wasn’t as if he’d abandoned Imogen or Molly.
Flynn put his helmet back on and closed the visor, keen to shut out the world for another hour or so while he headed back to Ravendale.
His route back was slower but every bit as challenging: over the Whinlatter Pass and across to the western coast road.
The sun was low over the coast, tingeing the mountains pink.
Signs along the road had read:
Ravendale Winter Spectacular
Celebrate the Season of Magic and Joy
At this Unmissable Family Festival of Light and Sound
Once that word – family – had been almost invisible to him. Despite working at so many family attractions, he’d never really thought about what it meant. Now he did: fear, panic, duty – along with a sense of purpose and responsibility that eclipsed all of these things.
He slowed the bike on the bend and thought for a moment about continuing past Ravendale’s gates and heading south to Cornwall, or east on the trip he’d always planned: the trip that would have meant he’d never have met Lara or known about Molly or Esme.
It was impossible. Now he knew about them, he could never run away.