All Wrapped Up in You (Home Sweet Holidays #3)

Chapter 1

Piper: terrible news. my soulmate is sleeping with other people

Mae: are you allowed to call him your soulmate if you guys have never met?

Piper: first of all. we have met. or at least exchanged introductions. just not in the physical body sense.

Mae: mmm not sure it counts that he left a post-it note taped to your door offering to pay for repairs after he tripped over the ceramic goose you keep on your doorstep and cracked its foot

Piper: “the ceramic goose,” really?

Piper: as if you don’t know his name is Guustav

Piper: his foot is good as new, by the way, thanks to some deftly applied Gorilla Glue. not that you asked

Piper: anyway, i’ll have you know, my soulmate left his number at the bottom of that note and now sometimes we text

Mae: wait, really? about what?

Piper: mostly the guy who lives across the street that insists on leaf blowing at 7 AM, rain or shine

Mae: sounds v romantic

Piper: ikr?

Mae: okay, but don’t you think it’s kinda weird you’ve lived there for almost a year now, and you’ve never seen the guy?

Piper: not true. I saw him from the back once. he was going into his apartment with a big laundry basket as I was coming up the stairs

Mae: so we have a jacob from twilight scenario going on here . . . except instead of a newborn baby, you’ve imprinted on a random man’s ass?

Piper: when you put it that way it sounds cheap

Mae: sorry, bb. why are we so sure he’s off the market all of a sudden? did you run into his lover in the hallway?

Piper: worse. the mailman mixed up our apartments and I accidentally opened one of his packages

Mae: that doesn’t sound so bad? put on something slutty, knock on his door, and give it back

Piper: yeah, I don’t think I can do that. the package I opened is of a sensitive nature . . .

Mae: I have no idea what that means

Piper: it’s a giant Japanese sex toy

Mae: . . . my suggestion stands

Piper: MAE

Mae: how do you know it’s Japanese?

Piper: I couldn’t read any of the writing on the box so I scanned it with Google translate. And you know what came back? The words Jumbo. Personal. Massager.

Mae: well, cheer up. maybe he’s using it on his own!

Piper: that suggestion would make me feel better, except I still have to figure out how to return this to him. we can’t make eye contact for the first time with the words Jumbo Personal Massager between us :(

Mae: just tape the package back up!

Piper: its possible the jumbo personal massager came in very discreet outer packaging, and someone—cant say who—might have ripped into the actual box thinking it was the immersion blender she ordered on black friday

Mae: you didn’t

Piper: i got an eyefull of round silicone and immediately shoved the whole thing under my bed

Mae: i feel like the problems that you have don’t happen to other people