CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR ALARA #2
Sliding down the closed door once I’m on the other side, I pull my knees to my chest, letting the dam break.
My sobs become deafening, but still I hear my front door opening and closing.
Diego actually leaves, and he takes my shattered heart with him, a hollow making itself known inside my chest in the wake of his absence.
“Were you ever going to tell me that you and my brother are dating?”
Gaby’s question, as she enters my cabin like the beautiful tornado she is, makes me cry again. I’ve just stopped, and I genuinely thought I had no tears left to cry, but it looks like I can go on for another hour.
I listen to the shuffle by the front door as she takes her jacket and shoes off, then she jumps on the couch to hug me even though my body is engulfed in a heap of blankets.
“What’s with all those tissues scattered about?
” She takes a closer look at me. I bet I look horrendous, but that’s just the result of non-stop sobbing for hours.
Diego tried calling me and I answered too quickly. His breathing had filled the line, then he hung up, and he hasn’t tried reaching out since. My pride is killing me too. I know I was in the wrong to talk to him that way and to initiate the fight, but part of me was desperate to make him stay.
“Ay, bebé,” Gaby whispers, wrapping her arms around me. A sob racks my body, and I feel my chest tightening again. I just want to stop hurting, but I miss him, I miss him, I miss him. “What did he do?”
Gaby holds me for what feels like an eternity before I finally calm down.
I think all my energy went into crying, and now I feel exhausted.
Sitting up, I dry my cheeks with the backs of my hands, and Gaby places a kiss on top of my head before standing.
She collects the discarded tissues without saying anything, without asking questions, then goes into the kitchen.
Every time I close my eyes, I see Diego. His infectious, dimpled smile. His beautiful eyes. And the mere reminder that I’ve ruined everything feels as though a sharp shard of glass is penetrating my already broken heart.
Gaby returns a moment later with two mugs filled to the brim with tea and a packet of chocolate that she chucks in my lap. She sets the two cups down on the coffee table, sits with her legs criss-crossed, turns to me, then says, “Tell me everything.”
So, I do.
I tell her how, from the moment I saw him, my buried feelings had resurfaced.
I tell her about the time we spent together at Rock Snow and the resort, before and after the lessons.
I tell her about our first kiss at the Christmas market, the deal he proposed – leaving out all the steamy details – and how we grew closer.
I also tell her about the time I found him after he fell at the snow park – but I don’t tell her about his worries regarding their family’s financial situation.
I tell her that I fell in love with him while we snuck around in secret, and end with this morning’s argument.
Gaby’s mouth keeps parting and closing, and, under normal circumstances, I’d tell her she looks like a fish, but I can’t find a spark of humor left in me.
“Ese cabrón,” she finally hisses.
Gaby has the tendency of cursing in Spanish when she’s genuinely offended. I shrug, leaning forward to take both mugs. I hand her one before curling my palms around the other.
“Why keep everything a secret?” she asks, evidently confused.
“You know why.” I clear my throat and take a sip of the peppermint tea, soothing the dull ache that’s taken over my body. “I heard you tell him not to try anything with me that one time I came to hang out at your place.”
She gasps. “Mierda. It’s all because of me? I’m sorry. I just wanted to protect you.”
“I know – don’t worry about it. It was supposed to be a super-hot, no-strings-attached thing, so we thought it’d be better if we didn’t tell anyone.”
She nods in understanding. “So, I told him to stay away from you because I knew he’d destroy your heart, and the fucker went behind my back and still broke your heart.”
“I don’t know, Gabs. He was crying when I told him to leave.”
The image of his tear-stained cheeks and his quivering chin flashes in my mind. It causes another thick knot to rise in my throat, but I try to wash it away with some tea.
We both said shitty things. We both tried to hurt each other, but at what cost? We should’ve talked like the adults we are, but neither of us tried to hear the other.
I hate myself for this. I’m angrier at myself than at him, because I had absolutely no right to be selfish and demanding.
She’s silent for a beat. Feeling her gaze on me, I turn to look at her. “He loves you.”
This stark little statement brings my aching heart back to life. “Does he?”
“Look, I went into the idiot’s room to look for something – a highlighter he took from me a month ago – and do you know what I found?
He’s been reading a lot since he came back home, so I was curious about his current read.
I was like, ‘oh, cute, he’s into romantasy now?
’ so I start flipping through it, and guess what his bookmark is.
” I stare blankly at her. She sets her mug down, her eyes brimming with emotion.
“Alara, he’s using that strip of snapshots from the vintage photo booth as his bookmark.
That’s how I found out about you two. I was shocked.
He was in the bathroom, on the phone with someone, but I’m not sure how he’d react to me knowing.
Anyway. His dresser is full of your hair ties and clips.
He’s even wearing one of your hair ties on his wrist.”
The thought of him staring at our pictures from the photo booth instead of reading warms my otherwise empty chest. “And you gathered from that alone that he loves me?”
“Yes and no. I had my suspicions when he started sneaking out at night or coming back in the morning. When you two started hanging out more and more together. And then I saw the way he looked at you during Christmas Eve’s dinner, and that, babe, was the look of a man in love.
I’m just surprised it took you so long to tell me about it. ”
“Because we weren’t supposed to catch feelings. He was going to go back to Utah, and we’d never mention it again.”
She pins me with a disbelieving look. “Did you really think you were going to be able to not fall in love with him? The guy you severely crushed on for years?”
I laugh, but the sound is filled with so much sadness that my lungs squeeze again, begging for air.
“I don’t know. When he said he just wanted casual, I was hurt, but at the same time I was so happy to have him – even if he just gave me some bits and pieces of himself.
I knew it’d hurt when it was time for him to go, but I didn’t think it would feel like this. ”
Gaby sighs softly, wrapping her arms around me to pull me closer. “You know, you brought him back to life.”
“No . . .”
“Yes. I haven’t seen him so happy in forever, and I knew it was because of a girl.
And now that I know it’s because of you?
It makes so much sense. When he arrived here, he hated the world, and, at some point, something shifted, and he was happy to go to work or to the resort with you.
He came home with a smile on his face, spent more time with me and Val, tried to learn how to cook with Mom.
When he was on his phone it was to text you, I think, because he smiled like a dumbass.
He was in pain, but you made him forget about it, and we all saw it.
You gave him a purpose, Al. His whole life, his focus was snowboarding, and then, for the first time, he looked at something else.
He looked at you, and he never looked away. Not once.”
I sniffle, and when I blink, another tear falls out. God, does this ever stop?
“I don’t know what to do,” I confess through a sob. I start hiccupping, and she chuckles. Gently, she grabs my mug to set it down before a catastrophe can happen.
“I think you both need space to clear your heads and think about what you truly want. Diego was probably confused about his feelings for you. He’s got his life under control, and falling for you was definitely not in his plans, so I know he’s panicking at the realization.
Besides, he should probably have a chat with his coach before making any decision, you know? ”
“He didn’t even try to suggest long distance. This is pointless, Gabs. He’s leaving, I’m sure of it.”
“He’s never had a girlfriend, you know. I don’t think he’s ever committed himself to someone the way he has with you.
Just give him time to realize there are other options than putting an end to everything.
And, besides, could you do long distance?
Remember how hard it was for you when you were with Kyle. ”
“It’s different with Diego,” I say, without missing a beat. “I really love him. I’d do anything to be with him.”
But the fact he hasn’t thought of staying with me even if he leaves carves another hollow in my chest. I never imagined it would hurt so much to feel my heart break.
Gaby sighs and her gaze falls to my wrist, where the bracelet he gave me dangles. “He gifted you that?”
I nod, lifting the charms to eye level.
“Okay, so you two are just idiots in love who got into an argument like all couples do because of a misunderstanding,” Gaby points out, toying with the cat charm. “He’ll come around.”
“What if he doesn’t?”
“He will. Diego fights for what he loves. Just give him time to figure things out.”
I exhale, my heart still screaming his name. Desperate for him to come back to fill the missing piece. “Okay. When should I text him, then?”
“What? Let him grovel.”
“But it’s my fault we got in a fight,” I whine.
“Let. Him. Grovel,” she says with finality. With the tone she uses? Impossible to argue.
And, while I wait, I let my bleeding heart spread its pain through my bloodstream, wishing things had gone differently.