CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX DIEGO #2
“You really like Alara,” is Mom’s conclusion. But what I feel for her is so much more. Every fucking thing I feel for her is so poignant and deep that it goes down to my very bones.
“I do, and I messed up so bad, Mamá.” I shake my head, taking a deep, much-needed breath.
“We all say things we don’t mean, and we all make mistakes, and that’s okay as long as you fix it.
But what are you doing? Packing up and leaving without a fight?
Walking away instead of making things right?
That’s not you. That’s not who I raised.
You’re a fighter, so you’re going to go to her place right after this and talk it through.
You’re going to win her back because she loves you and you love her.
True love is worth fighting for. You only find that kind of connection once in a lifetime. ”
I swallow the massive knot in my throat, looking away before tears can escape once more.
Will Alara still want me after the things I said to her?
“Were you really ready to let her go and hop on a plane? Mijo, you would’ve been miserable out there without her. She might have started as your only solution at redeeming yourself, but, now that you got everything back, you lost the only person who loves you for who you really are.”
I’m irritated at myself for not fixing it earlier.
I wanted to give her space, but that didn’t stop me from trying to apologize the best I could.
I simply shouldn’t have walked out when she told me to go, but I was angry – and I refused to hurt her even more.
I regret everything I said, and I sure as hell will let her know.
“You’re right.” I stand, with Mom following suit. A spark of determination rises in my chest, concealing the agony for a brief moment. “I’m going to make up with her.”
“Good. You don’t let go of the person who makes you feel whole and happy.”
“I won’t,” I promise, before tucking her into my chest. “Gracias, Mamá. And, if it’s okay with you, I think I’d like to stay home for a while longer. I never really wanted to leave.”
“I know that, because if you’d really wanted to be gone? You’d already be in that fancy apartment of yours in Utah by now.” Pulling away, she cradles my face between her cold hands. “And you stay here as long as you want and need to. This is your home – and I’m talking about the town.”
I’m so nervous that I think I’m about to pass out.
Through the deafening noise of my erratic heartbeat, I can barely hear the sound of onions sizzling in the pan. I continuously rub my palms on the side of my jeans, occasionally checking the window to see if Alara’s on her way.
When I arrived at her cabin less than an hour ago, grocery bags in hands, she wasn’t there. Donna had spotted me from the kitchen of the main house and opened the door for me, telling me that Alara had gone shopping with Gaby and that they’d be back soon.
Donna and I chatted for a moment, and after I apologized for hurting her daughter, she hugged me and simply thanked me for loving Alara the way she deserves to be loved.
I told her about my plan to win Alara back, and she was so giddy I swear she could’ve jumped up and down with excitement.
You would’ve thought I’d asked for her blessing to marry Alara instead.
So, that’s why I’m sweating my ass off trying to cook her that meal I’d once promised her.
She’s going to be here any minute now, and though I’ve prepared a well-rehearsed speech, I know I’m going to stutter and mess up the moment I see her. That’s the effect she has on me. No one has ever had the power she possesses over me.
I’m so lost in my thoughts that I don’t hear the door opening.
My heart somersaults as I adjust the kitchen towel on my left shoulder before stirring the onions that are slowly cooking.
Wait, no, let me act casual. I lean a hand against the counter, tucking my other one in my pocket.
Wait, no, that’s ridiculous. Should I just—
“What are you doing?” Alara’s voice feels like balm to a wound.
I turn to see her looking around with a mixture of confusion and amusement in her eyes.
No hints of sadness or anger, which makes me sigh in relief.
She looks so beautiful with her rosy cheeks and unbound hair, wearing a thick beige jacket that she’s unbuttoning while assessing me with a raised eyebrow.
Fuck, she’s so pretty.
See? That was the moment I was supposed to go up to her and apologize, but all I can do is stare at her like a dumb motherfucker.
Act cool.
I jerk my chin at her. “Hey.”
“Hi? Are you . . . cooking?” She’s about to pull her coat off, but I rush toward her.
“Let me get that.” The smell of her perfume renders my knees weak, but the proximity is what makes my chest tighten for the hundredth time today.
My fingers skim the sides of her neck before I hook them under the collar and pull the coat off her shoulders.
She’s paralyzed, her breath audibly hitching.
I clear my throat and take a step back to hang her coat amongst the other ones. “Yeah, I’m cooking.”
She spins around, blinking. “Don’t burn down my place.”
My mouth twitches. “I’ll pay for the damage.”
“So you do plan on messing up?”
“Ha, you wish. I’ve had some practice, and I promise my cooking skills are amazing.”
Emotion shines in her eyes, making my chest constrict again. “Consider me intrigued.”
Okay, I can’t do this. I can’t stand here and act like nothing happened. Can’t look at her and pretend I’m fine with the distance. After exhaling some stress and inhaling some serenity, I walk toward her with determination.
“What are—”
Her words die in her throat when I wrap my arms around her shoulders and pull her tightly into me. She’s still, but, after a beat, she relaxes. The moment she winds her arms around me, I feel complete, and I marvel at the sensation, closing my eyes and placing my chin on top of her head.
I feel a little sob rack her body, which elicits a violent wave of emotions that rush through me as well. With her face buried in my chest and the back of my shirt tightly twisted between her fists, it feels as though she doesn’t want me to let go of her.
Good. I don’t plan on walking away this time.
I lower my mouth to her forehead, and, after kissing it, I whisper through a thick ball of emotion, “I’m sorry, baby. I’m so fucking sorry.”
Alara pulls away just enough to look up at me.
The sight of her tear-stained cheeks pains me.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said all those things to you, and I should’ve let you talk it through with your coach instead of being selfish.
I’m sorry for listening to the conversation and not giving you time to process the news. I take back everything I said.”
“It’s okay,” I whisper. “I forgive you. We both said things to hurt each other.”
She gives her head a small shake, a divot appearing between her brows.
“It’s not okay. I was mean and blindsided by what I wanted, but I barely considered what you needed.
” She toys with the buttons of my shirt, worrying her lip.
I don’t like it when she does that, so I softly brush the pad of my thumb over it.
“And, if you’re leaving, we can figure this out.
I can fly out to see you when it’s slower at Rock Snow.
Or I could look at colleges in Utah. I’m just saying that I don’t want us to be over because—”
“I’m not going anywhere.”
Her wide, surprised-filled eyes flicker up to mine. “What?”
Winding my arms around her waist, I hoist her up. The walk to the kitchen island is short, but she wraps her legs around my hips, her fingers sifting through my hair. When I put her down, we’re almost at eye level.
I brace my hands on either side of her hips, holding her gaze.
Giving her every ounce of honesty I possess.
“I’m not leaving. At least not yet. I called Coach and told him I wanted to finish my recovery here, because I have no intention of leaving now.
He’s understanding and more than fine with it.
Besides, it’d be a dick move to make Dr Ellis and his wife move away when they’re expecting in the spring. ”
My home is here – the place I tried to escape years ago but which won me over as soon as I opened my eyes to see its true beauty. My home is Alara. She’s my safe place.
I can see shock and pure joy swirling in those hazel eyes I love so much. Gently cupping her face, I brush a few wisps of hair away from her cheekbones, taking the time to study her face like she’s my favorite work of art while she absorbs what I’ve said.
Despite the fatigue marring her features, she looks hopeful – there’s a string of light I never want to dim again. Her lips are parted, calling out for me to claim them with the whisper of a kiss, but I have something else to say first.
“I am sorry for everything I said,” I continue.
“I regret every single word that came out of my mouth. I didn’t mean any of it, because the truth is that you’re everything to me, Alara.
What we have is everything to me. I knew we would never be able to keep it casual because you saw me the moment you laid eyes on me, and it terrified me.
But it also put me back together, and I didn’t realize how much I needed you until you weren’t in my arms.”
She takes a shaky breath. Her hands find my ribs. Her touch lights me on fire, brings me back to life.