9. A Human Confession
Chapter nine
A Human Confession
Julian
I walked into the penthouse that evening to find Nicolette perched on the couch, her icy glare fixed squarely on me. A full-blown tirade swam behind her beautiful narrowed eyes.
“Hello, darling. How was your tea party?” I asked, feigning nonchalance. It seemed the safest option.
I had dreaded what an afternoon with my mother might entail. She’d promised she would be on her best behavior, but she had always been fiercely protective—and after our wedding, I knew she’d begun to question the validity of my marriage.
“It was lovely,” she spat. “I loved learning all about your family history. It’s quite long. Six hundred years, to be exact.”
Damn it. I’d expressly told Mother not to reveal that. But I suspected my excessively long life was not the part currently vexing my bride.
“The chamomile tea was just superb,” she went on, “as were the little cucumber sandwiches and the cookies she made that she probably poisoned. But my favorite part was when your mother asked me why I didn’t smell like you and why we hadn’t mated yet.
Oh, and how could I forget her questioning my integrity and basically threatening me.
So . . .” She folded her arms. “How was your day, honey?”
Bloody hell. I’d hoped that Nicolette living in my space would have given her enough of my scent to convince my family we were intimate.
They all knew it was a risk to engage in such activity with a human, of course.
Though Mother and Father had always believed such passion was worth any danger.
And they no doubt believed it was in my best interest to make sure Nicolette was in my possession.
I cleared my throat and approached her with caution.
She lifted a hand. “Don’t come any closer.”
I stopped immediately and dropped into the leather chair nearest the couch. A heavy breath escaped me as I dragged a hand through my hair. This constant battle with her was exhausting.
“Do you just think up new ways to humiliate me every day?”
I opened my mouth to tell her Of course not , but she didn’t give me the chance.
“Do you know how mortifying it is that your entire family and all your vampire friends know that we aren’t sleeping together?”
I made no attempt to answer. Best to let her get it out of her system.
“And you didn’t even bother to tell me they would know.
I can only imagine how they’ve all been laughing about me behind my back.
Saying they knew you didn’t really want someone like me.
It was all for my company and the plasma.
They’re probably taking bets on when you’ll discard me or just put an end to my misery and kill me. When is that, by the way?”
“Enough, Nicolette,” I said, the force in my voice startling her.
She blinked, her lower lip trembling, though she didn’t retreat.
“I apologize,” I said, softening my tone.
“I do not wish to be curt with you or for you to fear me. And I am sorry for what happened with my mother. But I am weary of your questioning my intentions toward you. You have no idea what I have done—and what I will continue to do—to keep you safe. This animosity between us must end. We need to work together if we’re to fix this. ”
“The only way to fix this is for us to . . . you know.”
“I know very well.” I couldn’t help the grin that tugged at my mouth, imagining just how much I would enjoy that particular solution.
She coughed, spluttered, and turned an utterly adorable shade of red.
“Put your mind at rest, Nicolette. We will not be having sex—much as I would enjoy it.”
“You would?”
Her surprise—and that softer tone—gave me all the encouragement I needed to take a seat beside her on the couch. I caught her hand before she could scoot away.
“Please don’t pull away,” I said preemptively. I’d never begged a woman for anything in my life. But for her, I found I didn’t mind in the slightest.
She went still, holding her breath. The scrunch in her brow revealed just how hard she was fighting her attraction to me.
“You’re safe with me,” I swore.
“Am I?” she choked out. “I don’t feel safe. I feel humiliated and like I’m exactly what everyone thinks I am—a joke.”
“Nicolette,” I whispered, leaning closer. “You’re not a joke. You’re an intelligent, beautiful woman whom I would take to bed this very moment if it weren’t so dangerous for you.”
She tilted her head, confusion knitting her features. “What do you mean, dangerous?”
I brushed my thumb across her warm skin, admittedly enjoying how easily it rose beneath my touch.
“When a vampire and a human mate—as my mother so bluntly stated—it often leads to an obsession bordering on possession for both parties. I would never be so careless with you. And I know you loathe me, so I would never force myself on you. Ever.”
“You forced me to marry you.”
“Touché, love,” I sighed. “Admittedly, I am a selfish bastard. But there are lines I will never cross. Still, we do need to become more familiar with one another if we’re to convince my family—and everyone in my world—that we are every bit the devoted husband and wife.”
She swallowed hard. “How familiar are we talking about? And why does your family care so much if what we have is real? I don’t get it. You have my company and the plasma treatment. What more do you want?”
Did I dare tell my bride precisely what I was searching for? What I hoped she might one day give me? Not yet. First, I needed something from her—trust, even the smallest measure of it.
I lifted her hand to my mouth and pressed my lips against her skin, savoring the warmth of her.
Though her blood called to me, I did not lust for it.
For that, I was profoundly grateful. I despised that part of myself—the part that once needed to feed on humans, that relentless hunger that had never been satisfied until Grace Hart’s treatment.
“I need you to share my bed with me, Nicolette,” I murmured against her skin.
“You just said you would never cross that line,” she stuttered, her hand trembling.
I lifted my head and met her wide eyes—defiant, yet terrified. “There will be no sex involved. But we will need to share other intimacies. I need you to smell like me.”
Her nose wrinkled. “You make it sound so primal. Animalistic.”
“Vampires are animals. Deadly ones,” I reminded her.
She pulled her hand away and scooted farther down the couch. “Yeah, your mother made that very clear today. She told me not to trifle with her. Or with you.”
“Nicolette, you must understand that though vampires may look human, we are not. And we are just as wary of your kind as you are of us.”
She gave me a look—chin lifted, eyes narrowed—that said plainly, You’ve got to be kidding me.
“It’s true,” I assured her. “Humans have betrayed us more times than I care to count. Some have even hunted us. Pointless, of course, as they have no power over us—not even with their silly weapons. Still, it is . . . irritating.”
I leaned back, studying her. “But your mother has given vampires something to both celebrate and fear. There are many among us—even within my own family—who worry what modern science will do to our kind.” I paused. “What you might do to us.”
“What could I do?” Nicolette stammered, her cheeks flushing.
“I know you’re smarter than that. As a doctor and a scientist, you know perfectly well that science can cure and kill.”
“And”—she cleared her throat—“your family thinks that’s what I’m going to do? That’s why you need them to believe we love each other?”
“Precisely. To them, you are an outsider. A threat. One I’ve begged them to protect because I love you.”
“But you don’t,” she snapped.
“True. I can’t afford to love you. When you live a life without an ending, there can be no beginnings.”
“That’s . . . well . . . sad. Not that I want you to love me,” she added quickly. “But that’s an awful way to live.”
“Agreed. But it is my choice. And . . . I have also chosen to protect you.”
“Why?”
I let out a heavy breath. We were edging dangerously close to the truth, but I couldn’t give it to her. Not yet. So I offered her the only piece I could. “Because you are sweet and lovely, and you reminded me—for the first time in a very long time—that there is still good in this world.”
“Nice try, Julian.” She stood, staring down at me with that sharp, unblinking gaze that always managed to cut straight through me.
“Your mother mentioned that I’d better give you what you’ve been searching for.
So, what are you searching for? Because I don’t think it’s a nice, sweet girl who loves French history, books, and white roses. ”
Damn it, Mother . I should have known she would say something she shouldn’t. Subtlety had never been her strong suit.
I caught Nicolette’s hand, desperate for her not to walk away. We needed to fix this. “Share my bed with me and I will tell you.”
She laughed outright. “That doesn’t sound like a fair trade.
How about you tell me what you’re searching for, and if I deem it worthy, I’ll share your bed?
But only because I value my life and I had to lie to your mother and promise her I’d do everything I could to give you what you want. So, what do you want?”
She had no idea how her fire—her blazing, unflinching gaze—held me utterly spellbound.
I would have said almost anything to have her warm body beside mine every night.
I only hoped the truth would be enough. And I hadn’t lied when I told her she reminded me there was still good in the world.
She was the sweetest, loveliest thing I’d encountered in more years than I cared to count.
I squeezed her hand and laid everything on the line.
“I wish for you to make me human once again.”