Chapter 9 #2
Farrah nodded. “Whew. That was a close one! Bodie, baby, reholster that weapon in my office!”
Sweat beaded my forehead as I noticed Officer Bodie lower his weapon and shove it into the holster. I had not heard him pull his gun on me. My legs felt weak. Avery rushed to my side and wrapped her arm around my waist, holding me up.
“We need to get this cleared up. Where do we do that, Ms. Farrah?” Avery asked.
“You’re so polite, baby! Yes. First, you’ll need to fill out this form.
” Farrah stuck a pile of paperwork on the counter.
“Then, you’ll get a sworn statement from the arbitrator on this form.
” She added more papers to the pile. “Get that notarized, for a small fee, of course. Then, you’ll appear before the Sheriff’s Office down the hall.
Show them your identification, pay the identification assessment fee, and you’re good to go. ”
I stared at the pile of paperwork before me. It was about half a foot tall. She had to be kidding.
“Is this a joke?” I asked her.
Officer Bodie sucked in a breath. Avery squeezed my arm in warning. Farrah lost all humor.
The tiny woman appeared to grow taller. I was unsure if it was my eyes playing tricks on me or if she hopped onto a stool behind the counter.
“Is this a joke?” Farrah echoed. “I don’t joke about forms and fees.
This is how our government runs, young man.
If you want to clear up your name to marry your lovely bride there, you best fill out these forms, pay your fees, and don’t cause any trouble in this courthouse, ya hear? ”
Those purple contacts unsettled me. I did not break eye contact with her, pulling the paperwork off the counter, clutching it to my chest, and backing away slowly. “Is there somewhere I can look these over?”
Farrah smiled and was back to her friendly self. I heard her step down onto the tiled floor. Stool. I knew it.
“Sure thing, baby. You and your bride can hang out in the records room,” Farrah offered. “Bodie, sugar, be sure to show them the way, alright?”
She did not wait for Bodie to answer. She returned to her keyboard and began hunting and pecking with her talons. Officer Bodie showed us to the records room and cleared a spot for me to sort through the paperwork.
“Do you need anything?” He asked.
“We haven’t had breakfast. Would it be possible to hit the cafeteria?” Avery asked. “Warren, do you want anything?”
I barely heard her as I tucked into the stack of paperwork. This would take much of the day to get through, and the sooner I did, the sooner we could go home.
Hours later, I completed the appropriate paperwork, filed it, and paid the fees, which I believed were fabricated but would not question. If it cleared me of any warrants, this was worth it.
While I worked, Avery tried calling Thorn and Joy in Pleasure Point. They did not answer. Neither did my parents or siblings. She left messages for all of them.
“Could be cell trouble,” she said, looking out the window. Dark clouds gathered as a storm approached.
I nodded. Pleasure Point had enough communication troubles on a good day. During inclement weather, we could be cut off from the real world for days.
“It’s four-30,” Bodie announced, looking at his phone screen. “Judge Carlyn Deming is ready for you both.”
“Yeah. Don’t we need a marriage license?” Avery asked.
The police officer pulled a piece of paper from his back pocket and handed it to me. “They already took care of that for you since you’ve had such a long day.”
I fumbled my reading glasses and shoved them onto my face. I blinked a few times and realized this was indeed a legitimate marriage license with our names on it. “How?”
“Farrah felt bad for intimidating you earlier,” Bodie admitted.
“No. How did we get a marriage license this quickly? I thought there was a waiting period?” I flipped over the paper as if there would be answers on the backside.
“Warren?” Avery sucked in a breath and grabbed my bicep.
Officer Bodie cast a curious glance at us. “It helped that you both went through the pre-marital counseling. That made the waiting period a moot point.”
“What the hell?” Avery yanked the paper out of my hands, nearly tearing it in the process. “Warren?”
I shook my head. “I do not know.”
“You do not know? How do you not know? This is your whole entire thing!” Avery gestured around the room with the paperwork.
“We can’t keep Judge Deming waiting, folks.” Bodie herded us into the hallway and down toward the judges’ chambers. “It will be a quickie, but I’m betting that’s good with y’all, am I right?” He winked at me.
“Warren!” Avery shook me. “Say something!”
“He’ll have plenty of time to say something during the vows,” the police officer said beside us. “You can use your own or recite the ones the Judge offers. Are you an ‘honor and obey’ kind of couple?”
“War-ren!” Avery hissed as she elbowed me in the ribs.
“Ow!” I rubbed that spot. Her elbows were sharp.
“Warren. Do something, or we’re about to be married! In a court! In front of a judge! Legit-like!”
I blinked a few times at Officer Bodie, who wore an expectant expression. “It is okay, darling. Just like we talked about. Simple legal maneuver, remember?” I widened my eyes and hoped she would remember the part about the annulment.
But Rational Avery was long gone. Upset Avery waved the marriage license around at everyone who passed us in the hallway, telling them, “I’m getting married. Married!”
“Congratulations” and “Best wishes” were the top two responses to Avery’s pronouncement, which seemed to upset the woman even more. I could not say much with the police officer beside me, so I followed a right to remain silent vow.
When we arrived at Judge Deming’s chambers, I thought Avery would have an aneurysm.
“Avery, please, darling, let us do some yoga breathing,” I suggested. “In through the nose. Out through the nose.”
“I don’t need lessons on breathing, honeybunch.” She slapped me on the top of my head with the marriage license. “I need you to fix this!”
“We are fixing it. Remember?” I whispered through gritted teeth. “We shall fix all of this tomorrow. Now, go with the flow, darling.”
“I’m going to shove my flow right up your—”
“Good evening, Mr. Atwell and Ms. Avery,” Judge Deming announced as she entered the room and hung up her robe. “I hope you don’t mind. I like to perform the marriage ceremonies in my street clothes. Get out of that ‘official’ role, if that’s okay with you?”
“Fine by us,” I said.
Avery poked me with the rolled-up marriage license.
“Ah, is that the license?” Judge Deming tugged the paperwork from Avery’s clutched hands. “Let’s take a look-see.” She scanned down the crumpled paper. “Looks like someone was excited and a little nervous.” The judge glanced up at Avery. “Understandable. It is forever, after all.”
“Warren.” Avery croaked.
I reached for her hand and clasped it in mine. “We shall be okay, darling. Breathe. Just breathe.”
Avery began panting in a hee-hee-hee-hoo-hoo-hoo pattern.
Judge Deming patted Avery on the shoulder. “Oh, do be careful, my dear. That’s Lamaze breathing, for when you have babies. You’ll pass out if you keep that up.”
My soon-to-be wife turned to me with wild eyes. I could not think of anything to do to calm her down. Judge Deming was right. Avery would pass out if she did not breathe correctly. I would need to shock her out of this, so I did the only thing that came to mind.
I kissed her.