Chapter 13 #2
I was going to die choking on coffee if these people continued talking.
“Thank you, Eula and Irv, for your vulnerability. We listen, and we don’t judge,” Gerald said. “Jack?”
The 30-something man across the table from me looked almost too tall to sit in the regular dining chair.
He had dark skin and brown eyes that stared daggers at his breakfast plate.
He crossed his arms, and it reminded me of those strongman costumes kids could wear for Halloween, complete with muscles stuffed with polyester filling.
Somehow, I doubted this guy’s muscles were fake.
He sighed and gazed around the table. “I’m Jack Pickering. I’m an Air Marshal.”
“Thank you for your service,” the redhead man said solemnly beside me.
Jack rolled his eyes. “Anyway. We’ve been married for almost twenty years. And this is our last resort before we get divorced.”
Eula gasped, sorrow filling her green eyes that darted past Jack to land on his wife.
His wife was a petite contrast to Jack’s height and musculature.
Her black hair was pulled into a ponytail at the top of her head.
And hazel eyes narrowed at her husband. “My name is Megan Yates. I’m a pharmacist. Jack and I have been married for twenty years.
No almost about it. Jack forgot our wedding date.
I don’t know what I hope to get out of this camp. It was his idea.”
Silence descended on the table. None of us knew what to say.
Except Zelda. “That is alright, my dear. Perhaps it is without expectations that we can discover our true path.”
Avery snapped her fingers as if we were at a poetry reading. “Amen, sister.”
Zelda raised an eyebrow and nodded toward my wife.
“Oh, right. I’m Avery Hunter. I’m the News Director of the Pleasure Point Network. Newly married to this hunka-hunka-burning-love, Warren here.” Avery elbowed me. “We just got married yesterday.”
A grumbled “congratulations” came out of Megan. Jack stared at me and said, “Good luck.” Irv and Eula threw a “Mozel Tov” at us. The redhead and his husband cooed at each other.
“And what do you hope to get out of this camp?” Gerald prompted.
“Oh, um.” Avery tilted her head at me. “I hope to get Mr. ByTheBook to loosen up a bit.”
Loosen up? I did not ask her exactly how I was expected to loosen up. If it involved eating in bed or throwing my clothing around the room willy-nilly, then no thank you.
Gerald waved for me to continue the introductions.
I rolled my shoulders. “Thank you. Good morning. My name is Warren Atwell. I am a lawyer. Married to Avery for one day.” I paused to consider my new wife.
Her brown eyes sparkled with mischief. The same mischief I noticed at the courthouse right before she delivered her ridiculous vows.
Well, two could play that game. “I have been in love with this woman before she knew my name. We were thinking of leaving and heading out on a different honeymoon, but I believe this is right for us to do. So we shall be staying the week to build our relationship, giving it a solid foundation for the hopefully many years to come.”
Avery’s face paled. I grabbed her hand and mimicked what Irv did for Eula a few minutes ago, bringing Avery’s hand to my lips to kiss her knuckles.
I grinned at her. Her eyebrow quirked up.
And I knew then she would get back at me in some way that she thought I would hate, but I would probably love. My grin widened.
“That is so beautiful,” the man next to me said. “My name is Taney McBirney. I’m an influencer and content creator. And I brought everyone some goodies. Keegan, get the bags.”
His husband hopped out of his chair and pulled up a box beside his seat. He frowned into the box at every chair, then pulled out a shiny gift bag for our fellow camp attendees. When he handed Avery her bag, she peeked inside and laughed.
“Underwear!” She showed me the hermetically-sealed lacy panties inside, then pulled out a plastic clamshell containing a giant blue sex toy made up of a realistic-looking penis with a smaller appendage below it. “Oooh! And a Penetrator 3000 Rabbit! I’ve been wanting one of these. Thanks!”
I shifted in my seat and accepted a shiny bag from Keegan. The bag contained a Womanizer, various lubricants, and condoms. “Thank you,” I nodded toward the men. I may not understand what a Womanizer adult toy does, but my mom taught me to be courteous when receiving a gift.
“Good boy.” Taney patted Keegan on the shoulder when he sat down. “Wasn’t he so good?”
I raised an eyebrow but nodded along with everyone else.
“Anyhoo. Taney McBirney,” he said, pointing to himself. “Influencer. Content Creator. Married to Keegan for ten years. We’ve been doing van life for two years, and now we’re moving into a new phase of influencer marketing. We thought we’d start with this camp.”
“And we thank you for being here,” Gerald chuckled. “No matter how you got here. Keegan? Your turn.”
“Hi. I’m Keegan McBirney. Taney and I rearranged the letters of our last names to create a new one since we were creating a new family together.”
“That’s nice,” Megan admitted, leaning on the table.
“It is,” Keegan said. “No fighting over who’s who, you know?
Anyway. I’m a videographer. I shoot all of Taney’s videos.
That’s how we met before smartphone cameras were so professional-looking.
We fell in love when he hired me as his videographer for an event.
I hope to get some great videos out of this weekend for our YouTube channel. ”
Gerald beamed. “Again. I’m glad you’re here, no matter what brought you here.” He stood and pulled a briefcase onto the table. “I’ll be passing around your waivers. If you could sign them, we’ll begin this morning’s activity.”
Conversations picked up as Gerald walked around the table, handing out a thick stack of paperwork and pens to everyone seated. When he arrived at my spot, I hesitated to accept the papers. “Warren? Something wrong?”
“I will need time to review this waiver.” I tentatively accepted the stack and pen and placed them to the left of my plate. “There is a lot to consider here.”
Gerald nodded. “Indeed. It is a circus camp. A lot could go wrong.”
Avery leaned across me and accepted her waiver. “Probably don’t want to mention that to the lawyer. He has issues with legal paperwork.” She grabbed my pen from the table and scribbled her signature on the last page before handing it back to Gerald.
“Avery!” I chastised. “It is best to read the paperwork before you sign. This is a legally binding document!”
“You’re right.” She nodded at me, grabbed my paperwork, flipped to the back page, and scribbled across the signature line. “There you go, Gerald! I’ve signed for Warren, too!”
The camp owner tucked the paperwork into the crook of his arm and walked toward Jack and Megan, shaking his head.
I turned to Avery. “What you did was illegal.”
“Is it?” She tapped her finger against her lip.
“I’m sure there’s a law somewhere allowing a spouse to sign paperwork for the other.
That law was probably put in place for a man to sign away rights for his wife, but since they likely don’t say it that way, it would apply in the other direction. Am I right?”
My blood pressure rose. “Why did you do that?”
“Why did you say we’d stay the whole week?” Avery hissed as she leaned closer. “I thought we were trying to get out of here.”
She had a point. I did blindside her with this stay-the-whole-week idea. I had no excuse or reason for doing that, but it suddenly felt important for us to stay.
“What do you have to do this week?” I asked.
She opened and closed her mouth several times, but nothing came out.
“My cases are all complete. I am waiting for an audit for my client, but that will be weeks. When was the last time you took time off?”
“That’s… I…” She slumped into her chair, crossing her arms over her chest.
“Thought so. I cannot remember the last time I took a vacation. This may not be the one I had in mind, but I can think of worse places. How about you?” I asked.
Avery shrugged.
“We are here. We have nowhere else to be. And we are on our honeymoon, although these are not the clothes I would have picked.” I pulled the black T-shirt away from my chest.
Avery clocked the movement and licked her lips.
“Eyes up top, wife.” I tilted her chin up with my finger.
“Sorry. Not sorry.”
I smiled at her, and she sucked in a breath.
“What is it? Are you feeling ill?” I placed the back of my hand against her forehead.
She pulled my hand into her lap. “You should smile more. It suits you.”
“Let me get this straight. You, a card-carrying feminist, are telling me to smile more?”
A slow smile spread across her face. “I guess I am.”
I did not pull my hand out of her lap. Instead, I laced my fingers with hers and smiled again. “What do you say, wife? Would you like to run away to the circus with me?”